Feels like im going under!

kimwp

Makingabobor2 said:

Such a lot of good advice here. I do hope OP is listening and will heed some of it.   And on the subject of opening a new bank account, make sure it is with someone you don't have any debts with. We went to Nationwide (1 joint account for all bills and a personal one each),  and its a great account, simple to use, can add savings accounts to it as many as you want, and most importantly does NOT have an overdraft facility, so no chance of slipping back into bad ways. 

Nationwide are doing a £200 switch offer at the moment. They are my main bank and I think they are fab.

Makingabobor2

kimwp said:

Makingabobor2 said:

Such a lot of good advice here. I do hope OP is listening and will heed some of it.   And on the subject of opening a new bank account, make sure it is with someone you don't have any debts with. We went to Nationwide (1 joint account for all bills and a personal one each),  and its a great account, simple to use, can add savings accounts to it as many as you want, and most importantly does NOT have an overdraft facility, so no chance of slipping back into bad ways. 

Nationwide are doing a £200 switch offer at the moment. They are my main bank and I think they are fab.

That's even more incentive for the OP to open one then. 

EssexHebridean

Makingabobor2 said:

kimwp said:

Makingabobor2 said:

Such a lot of good advice here. I do hope OP is listening and will heed some of it.   And on the subject of opening a new bank account, make sure it is with someone you don't have any debts with. We went to Nationwide (1 joint account for all bills and a personal one each),  and its a great account, simple to use, can add savings accounts to it as many as you want, and most importantly does NOT have an overdraft facility, so no chance of slipping back into bad ways. 

Nationwide are doing a £200 switch offer at the moment. They are my main bank and I think they are fab.

That's even more incentive for the OP to open one then. 

Nope - the OP doesn’t want to switch remember - the existing bank accounts have overdrafts so will need to be left as they are. Plus the very last thing they want is all the existing DD’s to be switched as well!  It’s a new basic account they need - no availability on overdrafts, the ability to open savings accounts linked to it for things like car expenses, presents, emergency fund etc budgets, and most importantly from a provider not linked to any other accounts they currently have - to avoid the risk of setting-off. 

Actually OP assuming you get paid at the end of the month this is probably No 1 priority right now. Let your payroll department know ASAP that you will be giving them different bank account details to use from your next pay onwards - and get those details to them as soon as possible. The sooner the account it opened the sooner you can manage things like getting the DD’s you DO need to keep - mortgage, secured loan, council,tax, utilities and similar changed over as well. 

NiteEyez1980

Hi Guys,

Ok. Firstly I do really appreciate 1000000% of everyone's effort here to help and of taking the time to do so.

Everyone is 100% right and after another sleepless night last night I agree that we are in 100% complete denial.

The original scenario was we bought a house cheap and every single promotion/pay-rise facilitated a re-mortgage to do the work. We never got ahead and then those mortgage payments crept up until the balance tipped and credit started getting used until the pay-rises and promotions stopped meeting requirement. The secure debt (second charge mortgage) in effect  covered the last of the work and consolidation of the debt we then had.  We were actually fine and then a series of unfortunate and costly events necessitated using credit and then low and behold the tipping point was hit again.

Neither of us looked at the big picture and since we were in effect debt clear, whereas we should have binned all the cards  we kept some for emergencies. Its easy isn't as you say "ill pay it back in 3 months" but you never do as something always crops up.

Hands up we both f****d up!!!!!

I cant be laying in bed each night worrying about this as its making me ill.

Ok, i am locked into sky until March, but will see what we can do. As has been said Netflix the answer or Freeview!

I have applied for a basic Nationwide current account today (has been accepted)

It is too late for my payroll this month however when the paperwork comes through (hopefully next week) I will do all the necessaries, re:  transferring DD of mortgage, council tax, utilities etc.

This should mean that in effect my first round of 'non' payment will be December 2022.

I assume I will start to hear 'seriously' about 'non payment' in January

My wife and I need a fresh start so January 2023, from food, to finance to everything can be met with a fresh approach (i.e. bare minimum), and from now I will budget down to the last penny (professionally I am very good at budgeting so will go down to the last ounce, as we badly need an emergency fund for tyres, mot, service etc, yet this always gets eaten into - and then Mr CC takes up the slack) 

As someone who this has strung out, and probably isn't in the best place mentally on this, can you let me know what actions i can expect from them?

Once they get the message, I assume I will be bombarded by calls (easily avoided as no landline) and letters.

what the next steps after that?

EssexHebridean

Thank goodness - honestly you have no idea how relieved I am to read your post above - it’s never easy watching someone say “oh yes but…” repeatedly - sometimes they never do manage to get their heads out of the sand either - and then all we can do is wait - usually a couple of years - before we see them back, often under a new username but recognisable the same person, except with another 50% on top of the debt figure they started with.  I’m glad your lightbulb has made a fully powered appearance! 😁

You’re very far from the first person to have called into the trap you have - and you undoubtedly won’t be the last either, try not to dwell on what might have been, but focus straight ahead on what WILL be - namely you being debt free in times to come. 

OK - next steps - have you cancelled all the Direct Debits to the creditors APART from the secured loan and mortgage? It’s probably a good idea to work out which payments haven’t yet been taken this month - no point in paying anything more to them than you have to now as it just delays getting to the point where you can really move forwards - ie accounts defaulting.

i’m afraid I’m also going to say that you need to stop thinking of the New Year as a “fresh start” - right NOW you have impetus and determination, unless you get cracking though there is a very good chance that won’t last - strike while the iron is hot rather than putting things off - ultimately there is still another 2.5 months in this year where you can make a difference - potentially a big one. 

Other than that, your next step now is to start to work out a proper budget. That’s going to mean cutting costs where you can - and a great place to start is groceries. A lot of people find a good way to kick start savings on weekly shopping is to start by working out what meals they can make with relatively few additions - so looking at the fridge, cupboards and freezer. So, mince in the freezer, tinned tomatoes, dried herbs and pasta in the cupboard - just needs the addition of an onion or two and maybe some mushrooms for bolognese. Fish fingers and oven chips in the freezer? A tin of baked beans or two sorts out another night’s dinner! Meal planning in some form is vital - it doesn’t have to be regimented either - often I just wrote a list of meals we’ll have in the following week then pick the ones that suits how we’re feeling and how much time we have each night - the key thing is to make sure you only buy stuff you actually need though, and then waste nothing. Once you have a meal plan, that then helps you write a shopping list and again that keeps costs down in the shop itself. The Old Style board can be really good as a source of good reliable family favourite meals too - and they can definitely help anyone bring spending down in that area! 

On the TV - initially give sky a call and have a chat with them - be blunt, tell them you can’t afford your current package any more (make it sound like redundancy if that makes it easier, although don’t actually word it in those terms) and ask if there is anything they can do to help. I’m currently paying £23 - about to increase to £24 - for a basic package and a quick look suggests there is quite a new children’s specific channels there as well as the others that have kids programming of course, so definitely still a fair bit of choice for them. 

RAS

Hi, you've been on an amazing journey over the last few days. It is incredibly hard to massively adjust you whole mindset in a short time, and I note that you realise the long deep journey into the current situation.

If anyone rings you (or the missus if it's her account), just tell them that with the current cost of living crisis, your budget no longer allows you to make payments. And that they are in future only to contact you in writing.

When they write, repeat the explanation. They will ignore you for several months, write again, and you don't reply. You need them to default your accounts ASAP, and each time you reply, you risk delaying that. 

Once they are defaulted, the interest and charges are halted. You'll get a letter from the new owner, at which point you may want to offer £10 per month.  If they ring, just tell them to write. They will ask for an SOA. You'll have had 6 months living on the new budget, so will hopefully have included in the missing bits. The standard way to manage things is that you pay pro rata. So if Bloggs own 40% of your debt and 3 others 20% each and you have £50 per month, Bloggs get £20 and the others £10. 

The creditors might decide it's really not worth even trying for a CCJ, as they'd only get what you are already paying. If you do get a letter before action any time down the line, ask for advice here. 

Meantime, you need to sit down together with your wife and go through that SOA with her. She's going to be as upset and confused as you were, so maybe give yourself a few days, and accept that she will find it hard. 

The issue is that you don't have enough in your budget to get a decent emergency fund accumulated in the first 6 months or so. So, you may have to be creative. Have you got any stuff that the kid's don't wear, play with, or you and the missus no longer use? Do a car boot and try and get £200. I'm not suggesting getting rid of stuff that the younger children will grow into in the next year or two, but there may be duplicates etc. 

Really row back on Christmas this year (do either of you go near a supermarket at cut price time, if so stock up on yellow stickered stuff). Pasta costs anything from 23/35p per 500g bag to over £3. Budget in a pasta meal a week and buy from Aldi or Lidl which offer both, though Tosspots sometimes have penne @35p. Infact for a family your size, given how precarious availability is, buy £2 worth next time you see it. If you are going to have the oven on, make dough, a vat of tomato sauce and make pizzas first (then lower the temperature) then cook your planned meal for later.

You will need to talk to the older children so that they can manage their expectations, and then the pre-teen. And learn to say no when you are in the shops. 

Take it a day at a time and come back her for support and an ear or two to bend if needed.

gizmo111

It is too late for my payroll this month however when the paperwork comes through (hopefully next week) I will do all the necessaries, re:  transferring DD of mortgage, council tax, utilities etc.

This should mean that in effect my first round of 'non' payment will be December 2022.

Wait up on the night before you are due to get paid and transfer the whole amount to your new account.  Cancel all the card payments etc direct debits on your old account so they dont bounce and add charges.  

EssexHebridean

Cheapest pasta is still spaghetti at 23p for 500g although I appreciate that this may, with small people in particular, come with a higher laundry bill too! The 32p bags of penne are often out of stock but definitely keep an eye on the “basic” ranges in the supermarkets - rice too can be got in those ranges for far less than even a standard bag of own brand.

”value” beans are hit and Miss - but Aldi own brand are decent and only pennies more expensive. Supermarket regular own brand tea bags are fine but you can sometimes pick up a sack of branded ones cheaper. Value chopped tomatoes  are often a false economy in my view as they tend to be more watery - and you end up adding purée as well or having to cook for longer to avoid a watery sauce. Again though Aldi & Lidl own brand are good. 

Where you currently buy branded stuff do the downshift challenge to shops own brand - you and the wife can have a “taste off” and see what you think, but don’t tell the kids anything has changed and see if they notice - if you tell them often they’ll imagine a difference or simply announce they don’t like it before even trying! If you currently buy shops own, try value ranges instead - same principle. You’ll likely find a few branded items that are non-negotiable, but you’ll get used to looking for good special offers before you buy those, and you’ll make savings aplenty elsewhere. 

RAS

EssexHebridean said:

Cheapest pasta is still spaghetti at 23p for 500g although I appreciate that this may, with small people in particular, come with a higher laundry bill too! The 32p bags of penne are often out of stock but definitely keep an eye on the “basic” ranges in the supermarkets - rice too can be got in those ranges for far less than even a standard bag of own brand.

Too true, the penne may actually be more effective with smaller people. Or go for a rough carbonara sauce (bacon and eggs)?

enthusiasticsaver

I get that you are worried about the repercussions of not paying but honestly with unsecured lenders there is little they can do especially if you tell them you are struggling with your mental health and cannot afford to pay them at the moment.  Please also remember that if you make credit card payments and then use the card to buy food etc you are in fact digging yourself into a deeper hole.  You want the cards to default so they stop charging interest/charges etc. You will get letters and maybe phone calls although I would tell them in any communication that you want all communication to be by post.  Your credit record will be affected but I am guessing it is not brilliant anyway. Sometimes the creditors sell the debt on and you get a debt collection agency contacting you but the actions remain the same.  Prioritise your budget and don't make arrangements to pay until you have lived within your new budget for a while.  Build up emergency savings and get used to a life without credit cards. 

Well done on opening a new basic bank account.  Gradually move income and essential expenditure over to it and maybe think about setting up a spending diary on here.  If there is room for any repayments once you have built up some emergency savings and lived within your budget then a DMP might be the answer either self managed or through step change. There is not much leeway in your budget to build up savings but really rowing back on all non essentials may help.  I agree with EH you have to start now not in January.