Feels like im going under!

Makingabobor2

So pleased to hear you are finally taking some action.....I agree with @EssexHebridean, the new start needs to come now, not in the New Year. You can't spend on "one last Christmas" or anything stupid like that. The spending has to stop now and the new start has to start now.  From now on, everything has to be cheap 2nd hand, or freebie...apart from the obvious like buying new underwear etc. We have been recycling Christmas cards to each other for 7 years now and no longer buy each other presents for Christmas or birthdays. Our present is the fact that we are actually getting our finances straight and have money in the bank every month to pay the bills with a bit left over. 
And as @RAS said, do you have stuff you can sell?  We sold so much when we started this journey....I had loads of handbags...obviously didn't need more than a couple really, so they were all sold, several items of clothes we no longer wore, small electronic items etc.   You'd be surprised what sells....one man's rubbish is another man's treasure. 
 Just a bit confused....are you going through Stepchange then? Have you actually rung them? Or are you going self managed straight away?  
Oh and if your wife has any free time if she doesn't work full time, then tell her to check out some of the survey sites...it might be boring, but there is extra money to be made there, even if only a little bit. 
Good luck

Grumpelstiltskin

As well as Aldi and Lidl look at Farmfoods and Heron if they have shops near you, you can't get everything you want at those shops but they can have good offers. If you sign up for the Farmfoods newsletter you get money off vouchers.

Also get the Olio and To Good To Go apps. Olio offers free food, often 1 day out of date but still eatable.

kimwp

I'm sorry that it's taken another night of stress but really glad that you are seeing how to get out of this. I agree with others not to wait til 2023, but get on it straight away. If you wait, you'll be more in debt, 2023 will loom in your mind as this unpleasant time coming up and you'll be trying to do everything at once. My advice is to sort out the direct debits first, then when that's sorted, start on cost saving - a steady step by step will get you through this.

Be a little careful with the direct debits you want to keep - they can take a while to switch and can be taken from your old account if switched within so many days before being due. (This just means making sure the money is in the right account to pay them) 

I think it would be a good idea to start a diary on here as well - you'll get support and encouragement when it gets hard and advice whenever you need it.
Welcome to the MSE family! 😊

Sea_Shell

I'm with the others.

Don't think you can have "one last hurrah" over Christmas and New year!!

Now's the time to start mentally and emotionally preparing for a pared back festive season, as well as financially.

Do the kids normally get everything they ask for?

Has Christmas always been a big (expensive) thing for you as a family?

kimwp

While I remember, it's worth looking at if you have any food wastage or are buying lots more of things that are already in the cupboards. It's amazing how much money can be lost that way.

KxMx

You can't afford two cars, especially when one spends the majority of time not even being used. 
One idea may be to get rid of them both and get a different 7 seater that is more efficient to run for your commute to work. 

I know a family with 4 kids who have zero cars. Two of those children have additional needs and the other two are under 3 one being born 11 months after their sibling.
They manage because they have to. 

TheAble

KxMx said:

You can't afford two cars, especially when one spends the majority of time not even being used. 
One idea may be to get rid of them both and get a different 7 seater that is more efficient to run for your commute to work. 

I know a family with 4 kids who have zero cars. Two of those children have additional needs and the other two are under 3 one being born 11 months after their sibling.
They manage because they have to. 

You can't commute 100 miles a day in a 7-seater, it's woefully inefficient.

The op is commuting in his small car, and the 7-seater is being used by his wife to move his large family around, while he's at work. Not a bad setup.

He does seem to be spending large sums on insurance though so possibly a bit of shopping around in that department and netting some cashback into the bargain would be a good thing. I get £80/yr by renewing my two via Topcashback. Nice 

KxMx

TheAble said:

KxMx said:

You can't afford two cars, especially when one spends the majority of time not even being used. 
One idea may be to get rid of them both and get a different 7 seater that is more efficient to run for your commute to work. 

I know a family with 4 kids who have zero cars. Two of those children have additional needs and the other two are under 3 one being born 11 months after their sibling.
They manage because they have to. 

You can't commute 100 miles a day in a 7-seater, it's woefully inefficient.

The op is commuting in his small car, and the 7-seater is being used by his wife to move his large family around, while he's at work. Not a bad setup.

He does seem to be spending large sums on insurance though so possibly a bit of shopping around in that department and netting some cashback into the bargain would be a good thing. I get £80/yr by renewing my two via Topcashback. Nice 

OP said wife doesn't drive. 

EssexHebridean

KxMx said:

TheAble said:

KxMx said:

You can't afford two cars, especially when one spends the majority of time not even being used. 
One idea may be to get rid of them both and get a different 7 seater that is more efficient to run for your commute to work. 

I know a family with 4 kids who have zero cars. Two of those children have additional needs and the other two are under 3 one being born 11 months after their sibling.
They manage because they have to. 

You can't commute 100 miles a day in a 7-seater, it's woefully inefficient.

The op is commuting in his small car, and the 7-seater is being used by his wife to move his large family around, while he's at work. Not a bad setup.

He does seem to be spending large sums on insurance though so possibly a bit of shopping around in that department and netting some cashback into the bargain would be a good thing. I get £80/yr by renewing my two via Topcashback. Nice 

OP said wife doesn't drive. 

Yep - if the circumstances were as TheAble describes with the use of car 2 I’d agree that using it would be inefficient - but in real terms with the OP being the only one driving it, and that car being the non-negotiable in terms of family travel, I suspect any increase in cost of fuel for using it would be more than offset by the savings in insurance, tax, servicing etc. 

The suggestion of selling both and buying a more efficient 7-seater at the moment is probably impractical - OP has stated that both cars are high mileage and the quoted value for both was £2k if I remember rightly? Not going to get anything much more fuel efficient for that sort of money in a vehicle that size, I’d suggest, allowing that with it being relied on for a long work commute it has to be reliable, too. 

Tink_04

I just wanted to add OP please keep posting, you are not doing this alone, I hope you and your wife are on the same page and working together through this. 

Some advice form my own journey.

• Don’t play the blame game as a couple - the money is spent and gone, wipe the slate clean with a new focus - you are on the same team.
• We got rid of sky for a ‘few months’ and that was 6 years ago, I really panicked and thought it would be a huge miss - it’s not.
• If your worried about worrying some of the younger kids, explaining about food waste, recycling and reusing what we have in an environmentally focused way helped us. 

Children know that everything is expensive at the the moment, your older ones will understand the cost of living at the moment and re evaluations your finances is what everyone is doing - they don’t need to know about how much debt your in. Your changing your lifestyles to pay off your debts, they just need to know about the lifestyle change and that there is less money being spent.

Finally (sorry for rambling) it’s only money. It can become dark and hard, you and your wife may fight or even have negative thoughts around the situation your in. The most important thing for your family is you - never the stuff. Always reach out if you feel your MH slipping and try to work together and support each other.