Feels like im going under!

Martico

@NiteEyez1980 - so sorry (I know you weren't seeking sympathy, but you have mine) to read these latest updates.

One thing that I don't think has been brought up yet are ways to boost your (joint) income in small ways - Prolific Academic surveys have worked for me (check the "boost your income" subforum), as has current account switching every few months. The latter may not now be open to you, given your credit history. I wish you luck for the financial conversations ahead. I hope you can work through this together.

Makingabobor2

Martico said:

@NiteEyez1980 - so sorry (I know you weren't seeking sympathy, but you have mine) to read these latest updates.

One thing that I don't think has been brought up yet are ways to boost your (joint) income in small ways - Prolific Academic surveys have worked for me (check the "boost your income" subforum), as has current account switching every few months. The latter may not now be open to you, given your credit history. I wish you luck for the financial conversations ahead. I hope you can work through this together.

Yes, P/fc is brilliant and maybe something your Mrs NiteEyez coud do to give herself some more spending money

NiteEyez1980

Well weve had a long chat. 

My wife has acknowledged the issue, and hopefully we will/have moved forward.

She will find this harder than me as I'm hideously antisocial and she's not 😂. 

Shawbrook loan have started to up the ante with the txts but no letters yet. 

The cc haven't don't anything yet except lower my credit available. 

Tbh I never realised how much I looked at my credit score and judged myself against it.

As I said to my wife, it's just a number and at this point does our available. Credit matter as more credit is the last thing we need.

Tbh at one point our available credit was so high, it was asking for trouble, and felt like free money.

I'll be honest I am filled with trepidation and fear as part of me still thinks our home is at risk, however this couldnt go on any longer, my last promotion didn't level the finances due to everything going up. We've probably lived on pure credit for 2 years but hit the tipping point and wnet over. 

We r a team in this now. Won't lie I do have the 'fear' as its our family home and if it goes wrong it will be the end of my marriage etc.

Not that I am putting blame on anyone but I've truly invested on the advice here and feel like I've hung my fate on a forum.

Hope I've backed the right horse 👍

NiteEyez1980

I'm clearly not right as it's 2am on a Tuesday Am worrying myself silly

I know I've now got the Mrs inside and listened to this great advice, however now. I'm in a new bank (first in 30myrs) and have cancelled every payment Barring the essentials, the fear is kicking in. 

I've reassured my wife we will be OK.

If tahts the case though why is it 2am and all I can think of is an eviction notice. 

Know its irrational, but I'm a professional and doing this seems so wrong. 

Sorry to labour on but tbh, thought this was the best place. Can't be the only one. I've never defaulted a payment ever, let alone en masse and can't  shift the worry there's a repercussion on the horizon 😞

NiteEyez1980

Probably shouldn't emote, but I started in my job as a b1, 24 years later I'm an 8b. Done every role on the way. Also did my degree and every course to better myself. Did 20 hr days for nigh on 18 years. Abd I find myself on 60k a year, Inn this position, skint, and not paying my creditors. Makes me feel a failure and actually **** sick. After all this hardwork and working every hour god has given I thought I'd be in a good place! 

Sorry for the wobble, but one of the girls at the school whose never worked, has a nice house (mort) paid by daddy as well as a sports car (bmw) with personaliaed number plate, and she's literally said shell never work(she has no job) . I'm crackingg our 18hr days and seem to have nothing but failure in mirror...a !!!!!! car and no 2 holidays a year!! 

Sorry bust just seems wromg. Its now 3am and I'm worrying about every aspect of life and the girl next to me has admitedly never done a stroke has a house, sports car and 2 holidays a year! . 

Hell her kids s are in Nike and mine are in hand me downs (and I'm a senior exec) 

Sorry peeps but feeling really beaten at the mo! 

Humdinger1

@NiteEyez1980 have subscribed and been reading from the start.  You are on an incredible journey and are doing brilliantly but you will have moments like this as you are rewriting your long- held code.  Would it help if you considered yourself as leading a movement now sweeping the land? That is effectively where you are; more and more people are now waking up to the fact that unsustainable debt has been keeping their fantasies afloat; chickens are now coming home to roost.  There was a piece in the Financial Times a few days ago about how many people were in PCP loans for cars; in the writer's view, it's all going to come crashing down.  As for Ms. Entitled at work, she is riding for a fall.  She has never learned to budget and is living in cloud-cuckoo- land; the longer it goes on, the bigger the shock when it lands.  Her father is probably in horrific debt too.  How can I be so confident? 10 years ago, I climbed out of £140k of debt and now do some voluntary debt coaching in my spare time.  There are more people out there living in Georgian rectories with Porsches parked in the drive who are 1 pay cheque away from disaster than you'd think possible, till you've worked through the figures.  Are you keeping up your mortgage and council tax payments? If so, you are not on my view risking your house.  Others with more experience than me have said so and will repeat it.  Take pride in the fact that you have broken out of the destructive pattern imposed on you by faceless corporations who peddle debt without caring what they are doing to individuals or society as a whole.  Well done for waking up to it and helping your wife to do the same.   You are no longer a number but a free man, hard as it feels now, because you have seen the truth.  Onwards and upwards love Humdinger xx 

badmemory

Try looking at it this way.  Just think what a mess you would have been in if you hadn't come on here & had made all your unsecured debts into secured ones.  Definitely something to be thankful for I think.  I do hope you got some sleep as being tired just makes things seem worse.

Makingabobor2

Oh dear....
Firstly, you will not lose your house as long as you are paying your mortgage. Your non priority debts, are not NOT secured by your house, so please stop worrying about that one. 

Secondly, just because colleagues at work have flash cars and personalised number plates, that does not make them happy. nor does their kids wearing designer trainers. In fact, if anything, that just makes the kids grow up thinking they can have anything they want. Material possessions & luxury holidays, to not make for happiness.  We tried it for several years and look where it got us?
 If you have a roof over your head, heating, and food on the table, your family around you & good health, then you are better off than a lot of people in the world.
Nothing wrong with "hand me downs", not only is 2nd hand cheaper, it is also a better way to save the planet.  My DD & SIL, both work full time (in well paid jobs), but their kids wear 2nd hand and DD buys presents for them from selling pages & charity shops etc. Doesn't mean my GKs are not happy, it just means they will grow up understanding the value of things.   And what is a "nice house"???  A house is just bricks and mortar, its the people inside that make it a home.  Big flash houses are just some sort of status symbol and end up costing people so much more to maintain. 

Thirdly, I'm not sure what being sociable or anti social has to do with it. As I've said before, we have been on our DMP journey over 7 years now and it has not stopped us mixing with our extended family or friends, or having a good time. Having a good time is not about going out and spending loads of money on drink or lavish meals. Its about being with the people who you really care about and who care about you.  Wonder how many more of your wife's friends are using credit to pay for their going out?? No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. 

Just keep doing what you're doing, - ignoring the phone calls, working out budgets etc and starting to live a more frugal life. You really will eventually realise that this is the right path. 

RobM99

@NiteEyez1980 Don't fuss about what other people have. Do they worry about you? No, thought not.
But for the grace of God we could all be in the Ukraine.

Makingabobor2

RobM99 said:

@NiteEyez1980 Don't fuss about what other people have. Do they worry about you? No, thought not.
But for the grace of God we could all be in the Ukraine.

Very well said.