Feels like im going under!

Aspiration

Sounds like a nightmare, worth a sensible talk when things settle down.

From what you’re saying it doesn’t sound like it will get any better, but only you can make the decision for you. 

Stay strong, carrying on blowing out financially isn’t going to help either of you. 

Makingabobor2

Oh my word. Sorry to hear this. I really don't know what to say. Its not my place to offer relationship counselling, but it sounds as though you would better off without her
 Marriage is a partnership & if you can't work together over something as important as this, then you shouldn't be together. 
Also, if it was me  I'd be explaining things to her mum, so you don't come across as the bad guy.  

NiteEyez1980

Appreciate your comments and not looking to put my 'relationship'  into anyone as not looking for sympathy etc.

I just thought it appropriate to add this context to show the impact and also circumstances surrounding the decision. 

Could easily have put: "all ok, everything perfect" but it's have been a lie and I thought a disservice to those who've followed the journey and taken the time and effort to comment!

Can't imagine I'm the only one who this will apply to 👍

enthusiasticsaver

You are certainly not the only one that this applies to.  There is often just one person left to sort out financial responsibilities and their partners either get on board or kick off.  If your wife is not the bread winner I am not sure how she thinks giving you an ultimatum re your marriage will help as arguably life is much harder on your own especially with kids. 

Well done for staying firm and I would make it clear you will not be paying her mum back and she needs to find that £50 from somewhere. The reason for your difficulties are as you say the tendency you both have had to put expenses on credit which of course needs to be paid back some day.  That day has now come.  I hope she gets on board soon. 

Sammie137

Thanks for your honesty! I just came across your diary and its refreshing to know im not alone in this battle! 

I know during these moments i take a minute to imagine what its going to feel like when i rest my head on pillow and im debt free! 

All this awesome advice will keep you on track and provide that rational sounding board that you need to get you where you need to be ☺️

NiteEyez1980

Well, it feels like the first day of reality has kicked in. First day of "no night out for Mrs S"

Not gonna lie 


Early indications are thus will be a beautiful experience 😒

NiteEyez1980

enthusiasticsaver said:

You are certainly not the only one that this applies to.  There is often just one person left to sort out financial responsibilities and their partners either get on board or kick off.  If your wife is not the bread winner I am not sure how she thinks giving you an ultimatum re your marriage will help as arguably life is much harder on your own especially with kids. 

Well done for staying firm and I would make it clear you will not be paying her mum back and she needs to find that £50 from somewhere. The reason for your difficulties are as you say the tendency you both have had to put expenses on credit which of course needs to be paid back some day.  That day has now come.  I hope she gets on board soon. 

Hi guys last thing I wantwd to do was a sympathy seeker. The sad thing is that there has never Been a "no".. Admit my fault, I will admit that the feeling of "bumping" the cc. Along with ny wires "ahem" posstionn is killing me.

foxgloves

@NiteEyez1980 - Oh dear, genuinely sorry to hear your wife's attitude is making things more difficult. You are on the right path, however awful it seems atm.
Your partner has obviously got used to having stuff/ going out etc whenever she likes, but the simple truth of the matter is that you weren't spending your money, you were spending somebody else's. This is unsustainable & eventually catches up with you. Now it's payback time. 
It sounds as though your partner is still in denial about your situation..what does she think would have happened if you'd just carried on with all the borrowing? Your finances need to play catch-up & she is being very naive if she thinks this is something that only you need to tackle. You are both responsible for the overspending so a "You're the breadwinner" attitude doesn't wash.....& it's 2022 not 1952!
There are some longstanding bad financial habits there which will take time to change. One of them is automatically thinking stuff can just go 'on a credit card'. CC is not a 'catch-all' budget heading for unplanned/unsanctioned spends - something which certainly took my partner extra time to grasp when we first started debt busting. 
Although things are sounding challenging for you regarding teamwork atm, I hope this will improve, even if it's slow progress. Stay strong!
F

P.S And it's NOT solely your fault. You've both spent the money. Your partner is as equally responsible for the debt as you, if there's any blame being handed out. 

Boat_to_Bolivia

OP I was awake in the early hours and read the whole of your thread.

It seems to me your wife needs a reality check. Have you shown her how much debt you are actually in, and without following the advice of all the very knowledgeable and helpful posters here, your debts would continue to spiral out of control. 

These are joint debts and she needs to learn that the money just isn't there to spend on things like refurbs and numerous nights out. 

Stick to your guns OP and good luck 

AnnieB2018

I know your budget is very tight (!) but there should still be a small amount of pocket money allocated for each of you. Otherwise you are not going to get through this, alone or together.
So what if Mrs wants to blow all of her monthly pocket money on 1 night out!? We don’t own other people and we can’t tell them how to live their lives… as long as the boundaries on how family money is allocated are clear, she can and should do whatever she wants.