Moving on with things

RelievedSheff

alt80 said:

@RelievedSheff in Greece. Will only be very small although my parents seem keen to make a fuss so I’ve no doubt that evening they and their friends will cook enough food to feed an army.

@Sarahwithlove thank you, over the latter part of last year and this year so far we are closer than we have ever been. Difficult times either drive you apart or bring you together. 

Let your parents make a fuss. They will enjoy it.

Will your wife's parents be going?

maggiem

@Sarahwithlove thank you, over the latter part of last year and this year so far we are closer than we have ever been. Difficult times either drive you apart or bring you together. 

It is so good to read this and I am very happy that you and your wife are closer than ever. That's an amazing success especially if you looked back at your last diary when there were times you were miles apart. It must have taken work by both of you - many congratulations 👏 

alt80

Happy February. One month gone already...

January was a mixed one. Positives: paid off planned amount plus £100, some interesting work and been good to see a junior member of staff achieving and some quality time spent with family. Less positive: I’ve been struggling to switch off from work, stress levels high, sleep has been generally poor, had a lack of motivation to eat well or exercise. 

Goals for February:

Financial: Clear minimum +£3.5k off cards, keep to spending plan, update and monitor on a weekly basis

Fitness: at least 8k steps a day, x2 sessions in the gym per week – I need to move more and eat less rn and I’m really struggling so something better than nothing

Health: x1 yoga session per week, switch off work at 6pm weekdays and by 1pm on Saturdays. Stay in recovery. Go to bed for midnight.

@RelievedSheff It means a lot to my parents to have a family occasion tbf. They will enjoy it and we aren't standing in their way. On one hand we don't really want the fuss, we don't really know their friends and neighbours but some food and wine with them is not going to harm anyone.

Regarding my in-laws, they are on the caveat I remain in recovery.  

@maggiem Thank you. Since I entered treatment last year and she agreed to therapy we have worked on our marriage every day. There have been a lot of times over the years we almost split for good and a lot of the time we have been together we have been miles apart. I'm not under any illusion she chose to agree to therapy and give our marriage another go because of her and our son's financial future, we've talked about it extensively and are still having therapy now and will be for a while. It got like that in the first place because of my addiction tbf I wouldn’t want to be married to a cocaine addict either. Don’t touch it now and put a lot of distance between myself and everyone I know who has anything to do with it, advice I ignored before.

RelievedSheff

It's good to see that you are hitting your goals and targets together as a team. Well done to you both.

enthusiasticsaver

Some great goals there for this month.  Keep on plugging away at the work you need to do in recovery.  You are doing brilliantly. 

MissPennySave

What a positive update!  You are doing so well!!  Those are some great, and sensible, goals too.  I've in the past set myself goals which I knew I could never meet, so now I'm very conscious when setting new goals to make them achievable, I now use the same basis for myself as I did when training our dog, which might sound silly but it really works for me (and it worked for the dog as well)!

"don't set yourself up to fail, set yourself up to win"

alt80

Been having a think whether to use ISA allowances and pay off the cards over a longer period utilising 0% deals. It's the better plan financially but whilst I know it's the better thing on paper I can't bring myself to do it. Spent a long time on the spreadsheets and tbh staring at it late into the night and not sleeping because where my head is doesn't align with what's better on paper. Spoke to the pros about it as I know it's somewhat irrational and all to do with where my head is rn. It's !!!!!! dumb doing what I am, I know that but I just want to draw a line under the cards for good.  

@RelievedSheff thanks, things are getting better, gaining new perspectives still struggle with a lot of the same things I’ve always done but it’s learning to manage it without being self destructive. Listened to a brilliant podcast yesterday; Steven Bartlett and the author of The Chimp Paradox.

 

@enthusiasticsaver thank you. You were right about getting clean being more pressing than dealing with my finances which were being destroyed by my addiction and other problems it brought anyway. Started reading The Molecule of More again recently, still resonates loud and clear but I am starting to come to terms with some of the best days of my life have been really simple things. Still want to do well in business but I’ll never forget taking my little boy to Sherwood Forest the day before NG Tier 3 restrictions, my wife thinks it's hilarious I think of that as one of the best days of my life. I have so few happy memories of my boy’s younger years most of the time I just wasn’t around, lockdown 1 was really the first time I spent any time with my son. Look back on those photos a lot. 

I’m sure you do, but treasure all the moments with your little grandchildren.

@MissPennySave Thank you. I try to set goals based on the SMART framework which, if done properly, sets you up to win. 

Iamouttheotherside

@alt80 Totally understand re the Isas and yes by my username you have guessed correctly, I had more unsecured debt than you though!  I became debt free in 2008, and yes have never got into a penny debt since, I would never want the worry ever again. Back then there used to be a 100k in unsecured debt club on MSE, you don't see it anymore.  My old username got deleted as it was too old.   On MSE it was always recommended to have 6 months salary saved before you finished paying debts off, but I will be honest I did the same as you are doing, pay all debts off,  then start saving from zero debt onwards.  The main reason I recommended it to you was purely for tax purposes. 

Good that you also now have full disclosure with your wife, that's a good strong marriage.  

Keep going, both you and your wife, you will get to the finish line together.

enthusiasticsaver

There will always be financial dilemmas like this.  If you have debt at 0% should you save or invest instead and the other biggie should you overpay the mortgage or invest extra in your pension or stocks or shares isas.  The sound financial thing as you say if you can repay the 0% cards within the deal periods so no BT fees it makes more financial sense to invest in stocks and shares ISAs or pay more into a pension which is  more tax efficient. However when you have an addictive personality as you do you probably prefer to focus on one thing and  get rid of the debt before focusing on investing or saving.  Neither is wrong.  Just whatever works for you. 

alt80

@Iamouttheotherside thank you I understand why you suggested it and it’s a sound suggestion. My head is the problem. I have constantly been in significant debt of varying amounts and structures over the years. Not getting any younger and I just need to sort it once and for all. I’ve been in the position of having six figures unsecured before it’s not a nice place to be, it’s great to hear you got to the other side and also that you have stayed there. Well done and in my position inspiring to hear other who have got there. I’ve dealt with personal debt in the dumbest way possible before one of my less than bright solutions involved refinancing property held in Ltd companies and pulling the money, we’ll not get into the tax implications of that lol fml. It was all to hide it from my wife. Tried the battle to try to pay it down too, that’s never lasted but needs to this time, can’t be on this merry go round forever. 

I was heading to a really bad place and dragging my family down with me. I’d convinced myself I performed better in business when I was using and that it was some sort of necessary medicine and so long as I wasn’t using socially I was clean and in recovery, total madness. In my head everything else to blame other than the amount of !!!!!! I was shovelling up my nose. Looking at it now it’s revolting, hurt my family and I’m now having to piece together a lot of things I did and things I didn’t do over a lot of years in business that haven’t helped me as well as things on the family side too. Few more years like I was or had the market been different at that point I really don’t think I’d have a business or my family still. Definitely didn’t perform better at all looking at it now piecing everything together to get out stronger. Recovery is !!!!!! hard, it is for a lot of people but I know that I am incredibly fortunate and lucky to have not lost my marriage and business. We will get to that finish line together I’m 100% determined that the best is to come.

@enthusiasticsaver It’s completely psychological, tbh one of the hardest things is if it were someone else I’d be recommending they make the money work as hard as it can which could well not be paying down credit cards as hard as possible. Unfortunately I’ve let my head get in the way and every time I see the card balances I’m reminded of things I’ve done, not done, bought etc. Not exactly pleased with myself about it.