Moving on with things

Willowtree222

It is probably the last year of your son believing. 

I'm not about getting you more into debt, but this is a truly one of a kind experience and once they.stop believing, loses its magic x

RelievedSheff

You only live once Alt.

in_need_of_direction

I can see both sides, it’s something I wanted to do when mine were small but couldn’t afford esp given additional costs from NI.  Why not take some pressure off you. You’ve mentioned your wife’s want list. Explain some either ors and ask for her input. Also make it clear what can’t happen if you go with this option.

Lonelygambler

Hey @alt80

Recently I have learnt that tomorrow doesn't come for everyone. If you can afford the trip in sensible measures maybe carefully you should plan the trip?

All the very best, 

LG

alt80

Thanks everyone and sorry for not responding individually- I have a lot on work wise today.

We went out for dinner last night with a couple of friends. My wife has been wanting to get out a bit for a while and I have avoided anything social for years now. Really enjoyed it tbf although I drink so little and infrequently nowadays that 3/4 of a bottle of wine was enough to send me to sleep ok but wake too early this morning. Could have done without it tbf. 

Currently all my revenue less expenses from my properties goes into my SSAS before it gets anywhere close to me but I am thinking about forfeiting that to use my revenue from my properties this and next month to go to Lapland and clear my credit card as usual. I haven’t wanted to be here for a long time and have been trying to put everything other than what I have paid out to me each month in salary / dividends etc. towards my wife and son’s future. It sounds !!!!!! awful but I was at the point that I was waiting to die. I said something about it to my parents and they were devastated and wanted me to really try to engage with the pros. Since then I’ve been actively engaging with the pros idk why, possibly thinking about my boy, but I don’t think that I want to just exist until I feel my wife and son are ok financially. 

There is a part of me that wonders if I am making excuses to spend and I know how the income from property compounds but equally my parents, wife and son say they want me around and it would be nice to enjoy experiences together. I’ve told my wife that I will make my mind up by end of tomorrow and that I cannot let this be a regular thing because her future does matter to me greatly.

alt80

@Cherryfudge re ultra processed people it is imo !!!!!! terrifying and we don’t realise as it’s been staple in the uk for so long. The impact on remote Brazilian communities explored later in the book will probably make you think. 

stymied

That sounds like a good idea @alt80 Lapland sounds awesome!

Yes we were all worried about you. So glad you can see the bigger picture at the moment and you'll be able to come back and read your comments here if you so experience that again.

warby68

In a roundabout way @alt80 you are just going through what almost everyone does when deciding what to spend on and what to save for and when it comes to significant chunks, its a bit harder than an amount  you could replace easily from next month's draw. There are also many who will spend whatever they can from their business and rely on an exit plan for retirement or hard times and you also have that option to a reasonable extent across your business, resi lets and commercial property. Its opportunity cost.

FWIW there isn't a right answer. Its different strokes for different folks. Your thoughts above are far more 'normal' though than the stage you've been at recently of another extreme where you plan not to be here and want everything to go for your wife and son's future ASAP. A few k here and there will not throw you off your overall track. My sons would have been too old by 11 but I've heard wonderful things about Lapland and its definitely better than a host of material things under the tree that are not really shared experiences. A chance to make a point with your wife maybe as well. Its expensive so you'd like her assurance that she will stick to the other Christmas spending plans and not push for more on every category. The sooner she works out how to do either/or rather than writing teenage lists and stamping feet for everything the better lol. I did smile when you said she would cry if there was no snow and I don't think you were entirely joking. 

Good luck with the decision (although I think its nearly made)

Sarahwithlove

I think you need to find a happy medium. Set yourself a budget that allows for extras but also means you are investing in your wife and sons future. It doesn't have to be one or the other. 

alt80

I've had a busy day working, I have thought about Lapland today on and off and have to make decision by tomorrow. My son reckoned he didn't believe last year but he still loves the magic of Christmas. This year he's looking forward to helping decorate the tree and asked if Santa can be real through the spirit of Christmas itself and has accepted my explanation of Santa being the personification of Christmas after I showed him a bit about the history of Father Christmas so he is enchanted by the idea of Lapland without believing as such. We are having a small Christmas again. We were actually all happy to see the Christmas bits in the supermarket and the Christmas drinks launched at the coffee shops this week. It's a surprise as both my wife and I didn't think we'd be overly bothered again this year. Tbf last year was really tough to get into the spirit as we were moving and the year before was just horrible for my wife when my in-laws only invited her and our son. She'd never spent a Christmas away from her parents but didn't want to leave me on my own.

@stymied thank you, I would like to go.

I think back to before I went away and I knew I was in a really bad place but I didn't want and as a result couldn't take the step I needed. I wouldn't wish the dark pit that I was in on anyone.

@warby68 you're right, I've just never thought it through in the past and didn't care or cared too much and couldn't spend any money at all personally.

I was in that position with my business affairs, I spent through whatever I possibly could through all the years I was struggling with addiction. My attitude to stupid amounts of debt and risk spilled into the way I was running my business from about 2015 until 2021/2. There were 2 times I came far too close to losing everything, that was actually the hardest thing to accept and come to terms with. I'm giving it another shot of prioritising my family and health, conversations I had last year with older men who regretted putting money above all else have made me think again and just not really being able to cope with stress like I used to. Idk if I ever did have a great resilience to stress, I'd tell everyone I did but winding up struggling with addiction makes me wonder otherwise. I do find it difficult to put family first as I do think my wife deserves a lot more than I can provide, wonder if spending time with family means I'm missing out on deals (probably paranoia tbf), still it's a massive source of guilt/angst/upset with myself. Pros have been trying to help for a long time but I have refused to listen, giving it another chance now and I hope the little steps I take in the right direction will compound.

Regarding my wife I know you're 100% right. She hasn't been too bad this week but has been helping me out so she's had less time to think and consume Dubai housewives TikToks - lot to answer for that has.

Ha, just fyi, I wasn't joking re the snow.

@Sarahwithlove I know you're right; just whatever I can do never feels enough either for the future or for spending never mind both.