In my 30s and in London - what do I do?

SavingPennies_2

wildbilljones said:

Thank you for all your advice. It's all very sensible and it's good to hear some level-headed observations from people who understand the country and the market. 

The idea was to just try a bit harder in Norwich. I've threatened to pack up and leave three times but have forced myself to stay (because I have nowhere else to go). But really, it feels like I'm living in a witness protection scheme. The issue I find outside London is that almost everyone is either 21 or 65. This is an exaggeration but I do feel there's a huge shortage of people in their 30s and 40s and this makes sense because there is very little work outside of London. I've never found it hard to meet people or make friends in London. 

The Asia idea is based around quality of life. I've visited Asia many times and I really like it. I realise that there is widespread poverty and inequality in most Asian countries, combined with heavy bureaucracy and corruption. That said, I have friends in Vietnam who work entry level to mid level jobs and they live in three-bedroom houses. A 40k job in London means you can rent a room with a microwave in it for 2/3 of your salary. So things just aren't adding up for me here. I'm struggling to see the point of working hard five days this lifestyle. I think I always thought that I'd have a happy independent life on a salary like this. 

They are around but typically a large portion of these people will be married/ partnered and have young children so they will not be on your radar and are generally and understandably more absorbed in their own family lives rather than socialising etc. I say this as an unmarried / no kids 40 something year old. So you do need to make more effort to build a social circle and as I mentioned above an alterative to Asia is to consider another city in the UK. Someone else touched upon the fact you've moved but are still in the same job, which again I think makes it tricky as often when you start a new job it can kick start a new social circle. Do you have any hobbies or interests? Something you can get involve in, running clubs, music or whatnot? Also I disagree there's not a lot of work outside London, where does the population work...there's more to the UK than London!

TripleH

I'm in the same age bracket. We moved to a 'nice' southern city to find as we were childless and worked that making friends was nigh on impossible. Yet going to a bigger city, everyone was much friendlier.

The problem with Asia other than language is ethnicity (ie if white European) is that you either end up mixing with ex-pats all the time or you have to try even harder to get accepted by the locals. The sense of being trapped can be even greater. (We had friends who taught English in China for a few years).

Making a new life isn't impossible but you will have to always give up a lot to fit in as long as you know that from the start.

spoovy

I was in a similar situation at your age and I feel your pain.  I moved to Manchester and Bristol for spells but had similarly unsatisfying experiences.  If you're single and 30+ there is nowhere remotely like London (in the UK), particularly if all your friends and family are still there.
If I were you, I'd find a way to stay in the smoke. If you meet someone your finances will change along with your housing preferences. And if you don't, well so what, life is for living, not for building equity in houses.
Have you thought of being a lodger?  A more homely experience than house shares I would think.
  

theoretica

The other side of the coin which has not been mentioned is your income - how much attention have you given to career progression and what are your prospects for increasing income?

ripplyuk

I think you should move to Asia. You’re already missing your family and friends here so it’ll not make any difference that way and you’ll probably always be wondering ‘What if’ if you don’t do it. Your money will go so much further. I know it’s not the same but a friend of mine moved to the Middle East years ago and she is the last person on earth who I thought would survive in a foreign country. She’s incredibly shy and not very ‘worldly’. She absolutely loves it and has made loads of friends (all locals). She has a luxury apartment with a cleaner and a cook on her teaching salary and now has so much in savings that she could buy a house anywhere in the U.K. if she ever wanted to return (which she doesn’t!). 

If you choose to stay here, look up childfree groups on meetup etc. That’s where you find all the 30 and 40 year olds. 

Countrysider

Alas, the days of building a life near family if you're born in London have long since ended for most people on sub £100K salaries. The schemes to 'help' keep lower earners in London (Shared Ownership / Help to Buy / etc) are too onerous to be considered ownership in my opinion. 
 
Moving to Asia would be fun (i did it for a few years) but it's also delaying the inevitable hard decision. You'll have to come back to the UK at some point and you'll find the same problem on your return. 

lika_86

spoovy said:

If I were you, I'd find a way to stay in the smoke. If you meet someone your finances will change along with your housing preferences. And if you don't, well so what, life is for living, not for building equity in houses.
  

Life is for living but retirement is not for starving. The problem is, if you're living in London and paying rent, what are you saving to be able to pay rent or buy a house outright for retirement?

GixerKate

Ok, so you are not happy where you are so you need to make a change.  Can I ask, if your friends and family are in and around London and the main reason you are unhappy is because you miss them, why do you want to move further away?

What about moving to the outskirts of London?  Can rent flats for around £1k, you will be in easy reach of London and all the socialising it entails and presumably close to family and friends.

Also, what about looking at promotion or changing jobs?  The job market in general is very active at the moment, have you thought about changing where you work? 

I would also look at finding people who enjoy the same hobbies as you whether that be the lycra-loving cyclists, hockey, tennis or crochet, there is bound to be something nearby.  I'm pretty sure I've met most of my friends through hobbies than anything else!

[Deleted User]

GixerKate said:

Ok, so you are not happy where you are so you need to make a change.  Can I ask, if your friends and family are in and around London and the main reason you are unhappy is because you miss them, why do you want to move further away?

What about moving to the outskirts of London?  Can rent flats for around £1k, you will be in easy reach of London and all the socialising it entails and presumably close to family and friends.

Also, what about looking at promotion or changing jobs?  The job market in general is very active at the moment, have you thought about changing where you work? 

I would also look at finding people who enjoy the same hobbies as you whether that be the lycra-loving cyclists, hockey, tennis or crochet, there is bound to be something nearby.  I'm pretty sure I've met most of my friends through hobbies than anything else!

Good question. You're right that moving abroad will not solve the issue of missing friends and family. I think the main motivation behind that idea is that 'at least it would be exciting'. Moving to other UK cities with fewer jobs and less in the way of culture is not something I find very appealing. 

I am used to travelling alone and although I would likely miss the UK at points, the excitement of living and working in Asia would be fresh and interesting. Also, I think I'd have a better quality of life in most other countries. Personally, I think the UK has stagnated as a country and I feel that despite having an expensive degree and almost 15 years of work under my belt, I don't have much to show for it. You still live like a student in the UK, even with a good job. I think in Asia, i'd have a much higher standard of life.

So I do feel anger at the UK for the lack of governance and the dwindling opportunities. So on one hand, it does make a lot of sense to turn my back on the country, rather than wait for improvements to happen. 

spoovy

lika_86 said:

spoovy said:

If I were you, I'd find a way to stay in the smoke. If you meet someone your finances will change along with your housing preferences. And if you don't, well so what, life is for living, not for building equity in houses.
  

Life is for living but retirement is not for starving. The problem is, if you're living in London and paying rent, what are you saving to be able to pay rent or buy a house outright for retirement?

It's certainly not ideal, but neither is being miserable and a hundred miles away from your support network. Plus retirement is thirty years away for the OP; who knows what will happen in the meantime. 
One thing you can be sure of though -- there will be a huge cohort of retirees in 2050 who don't own property but still need somewhere to live. And who vote.