In my 30s and in London - what do I do?

[Deleted User]

I've recently turned 35 and am facing a crisis of not knowing where to turn with regards to finding somewhere to live. 

I grew up on the outskirts of London and have spent my career working in London. Until a year ago, I rented a room in a houseshare with friends in London. I decided that I'd outgrown that situation and required more space and independence. 

I couldn't afford the ludicrous one bed rent prices in London. I bring home a little over 2k a month and so £1400 on rent plus £2-300 ok bills is just not feasible. So I decided to move to Norwich for a year to see if I could start again there, while commuting to London two days a week. 

Life has been been miserable in Norwich. It's lonely and I miss my friends and family. I don't want to be there and feel like I've been forced to move to an area I have no connection too, because there is no reasonably priced living option near London.

I want to move back to the greater London area but I just don't know what someone of my age is supposed to do. I'm not at a stage where I can buy with anyone and although I've saved up a decent deposit, it seems that if you're not earning £50-80k a year, you're priced out of every 1-2 bed flat anywhere near London. 

Does anyone have any suggestions on where to turn? I'm at my wit's end and am now considering moving to Asia. I don't want to as I'll miss my friends and family I can't believe that I wouldn't have a better life quality in most other countries. 

There seems to be no direction to take for independent people in their thirties and forties. 

Sapindus

 Sorry you didn't enjoy Norwich.  Have a look at the BBC's map on "where can I afford to live".  Investigate some other parts of the country.  Find somewhere a bit livelier/multicultural like Birmingham or Nottingham.  Invite your friends and family to visit.  It can be really difficult to get out and mix in a new community when you are single.  Get involved in a social hobby like dancing or a cycle club at the weekends.  Somewhere like Sheffield is close enough to go walking or climbing in the Peaks.

[Deleted User]

Moving out and leaving your friends was making a leap akin to leaving your family home - you're independent now and it's a massive step outside your comfort zone - it was a gamble and you now have to live by your wit and more gambles.
Yes, it's hard out here, absolutely no doubt about that.

I'd stay where you are, learn to look at your circumstances differently, and get on with what you've created - and moving to Asia .... why ????
Moving again, living in a different country, it  will just emphasise the differences you're experiencing now - no friends locally, need to find a new job, etc etc  .....
Why add all that extra hard work into the mix ?

You've done the hardest work already - as i said, change the way you look at things and not the situation itself.

Sapindus

More suggestions of ways to combat the loneliness whether in Norwich or somewhere else: Parkrun, language class, volunteering at your local library or heritage site...

bouicca21

It’s hard work building a new social circle.  It will be just as hard in a new country.  Look round for social groups to join, Spice, Meet-up, whatever has activities going that suit you.

Helplesssheep

Have you looked at the intermediate rent scheme in london? I had a flat through it for years and my rent for a 1 bed was under 1000. Though it would be harder to get a flat under the scheme if you aren’t already living in London, I think you may have to already live in the borough/ a neighbouring borough to qualify, you’d have to check. 

silvercar

Half way to independence would be to rent the spare bedroom in a 2 bed place. If you can find a friend who has bought their own 2-bed so much the better, otherwise explore your networks for someone who knows someone. That will also give you an ‘in’ to their social circle.

SavingPennies_2

Moving to Asia seems like a big leap of you're already missing friends and family. What about other parts of the UK? I realise this may mean getting a different job (but assuming you're open to this as you mention Asia) so how about a vibrant northern city which may suit you better, easier to meet new people and may give you a life style similar to London. You could comfortably afford your own place and a social life on a take home salary of £2k in places like Manchester and be a couple of hours by train to visit london. Disclaimer, I'm in Manchester so biased, but I'm sure other nice cities are available!

TBagpuss

I'm sorry you are finding things so hard. 

Norwich generally has a pretty good repuation as a place to live, however, if you were working from home and ommuting to Londonyou presumabky didn't have a new group of collegaues togive you a starting point for getting to know people nad it's hard to build a  social life from scratch.

What I would suggest is that you look at places where you might be able to afford to live and think about whether appying for new jobs outside London would work - if you can find a job womwhere more affordable you may find that moving to and living in the area whre you work is less lonely that commuting long distance or WFH, and compared with a lond distance commute you have more time and energy to start to build a social life.

Moving out of the UK seesm as though it would be worse than moving to Norwish (unless you have a lot of family wherever you'd move to) as you'd have all the same issues of not knowing people and a whole new country / culture / language to navigate.

As well as looking outside London I would widen your serach in the london suburbs - I appreciate that this does depen in whicharears of London your friends and famikly live in, and where you work, but there are some areas where you could rent for less than £1,400 a month.

As suggested aboove, one option might be to see whether you can find a friend who would be interested in renting a 2 ed flat with you, rather than a larger houseshare .

I you do move out of London the I would suggest that you make a concerted effort to try to meet people - think about wht sortd of things you enjoy and work from there - it could be joining a gym, starting Parkrun, going to evenong classes to build on spthig you are intereted in, joining a book club, becoming a volunteer etc. It can be hard - you are at an ae when a lot of people may be starting families and ctting don on thier social life but f you are open to making firends witrh people in a wider age range you have more options, and it can be very rewarding to get to know people whos exoeriences and outlook may be differnt to yours. 
It does take effort, expecially at first - if you are feeling a bit down anywhay becuae you are lonely it's hard to force yourself to go out, particularly if you feel on the periphery to begin with  (this is whysomething like na aevening class can be good - if you are in a group who are alll earning something new there's less likely to be an establishes clique that's hard to break into)


If you have reasonable transport links you can lso maintain some social life with your firends and family - but do encourage them to visit you as well as the other way round, and try to make local friends as well.

If you do decide tolook a other towns or cities, consider whether you can afford a two bed property and whether sibletting the second room would work for you. This might have  double benefit - firastly it gives you abit of comapny and secondly it gives you a bit of extra income and you can try to sve with a view to being able to buy sooner, or have extra funbds to rent somewhere better or to have a bit moredisposable income to faciliate your social life.

I assume that you have already looked into whether you would be eligble to register for affordable hosuing with  your local council and/or housing assiciations? I amsure that there are long witing lists but it may be worth registering even if there doesn't seem like much change of getting a property - you never know. 


Good luck

TripleH

What steps have you made in making friends in Norwich?

We have a friend from SE London who grew up in a community probably not to dissimilar to you. It is very close knit and when we went for a birthday, we felt a little isolated as outsiders (I was born only 5 miles away as the crow flies). It can be hard to 'break-in' to join these communities as an outsider especially if you have no foot in the door. The expectation is that you put in all the effort.

In a big city it can be easier but it is often better moving to a new development where the communal bonds are less rigid.

If you do put in the effort I think you can find that you can fit in but expect to be the one to adjust to fit.

[Deleted User]

Thank you for all your advice. It's all very sensible and it's good to hear some level-headed observations from people who understand the country and the market. 

The idea was to just try a bit harder in Norwich. I've threatened to pack up and leave three times but have forced myself to stay (because I have nowhere else to go). But really, it feels like I'm living in a witness protection scheme. The issue I find outside London is that almost everyone is either 21 or 65. This is an exaggeration but I do feel there's a huge shortage of people in their 30s and 40s and this makes sense because there is very little work outside of London. I've never found it hard to meet people or make friends in London. 

The Asia idea is based around quality of life. I've visited Asia many times and I really like it. I realise that there is widespread poverty and inequality in most Asian countries, combined with heavy bureaucracy and corruption. That said, I have friends in Vietnam who work entry level to mid level jobs and they live in three-bedroom houses. A 40k job in London means you can rent a room with a microwave in it for 2/3 of your salary. So things just aren't adding up for me here. I'm struggling to see the point of working hard five days this lifestyle. I think I always thought that I'd have a happy independent life on a salary like this.