In my 30s and in London - what do I do?

[Deleted User]

[Deleted User] said:

Yes, they can retire when they want, as long as they got properties they can rent out/sell. If not, they can work until they are 85 and rent a little room. Don't know what they are worried about! 

This is basically what has happened. As pensions get worse and people want to retire, becoming a landlord looks attractive. They can pay someone else to manage it all. Just need capital to buy property, which they have because their own homes increased in value or they inherited property.

Titus_Wadd

It's always a struggle for some people to buy a house.  I'm a baby boomer but my parents couldn't buy until my mum could work after I started school (f/t teacher) and dad was 47 (local government head of dept).
I have a couple of questions:  is your charity role not hands -on, not feeding homeless people or rescuing dogs from puppy farms, so would your 'office skills' transfer to another role?  Fund-raising, or account  management might transfer to other roles within a commercial setting?  Don't be hesitant to apply for better paid jobs now that you have a few years experience under your belt.

Currently do you commute into London on the same days every week?   Could you work 2 days back to back to minimise travel costs and time?  You could may be stay with friends and family the night in-between?

Could you invite your circle of friends to hang out in Norwich a couple of weekends month?  I found it nearly impossible to tempt friends from our home town in Lancs. or some relatives to make the effort to visit us...it's a tough realisation that you're less valued by your old mates than you thought!  

We relocated to Sussex from Lancashire àt 8 months pregnant and with an 18 month old.  My plan of campaign was to attend every single toddler group from day one, even though I'm not really a natural joiner-in.  It saved my sanity and I still have a circle of friends from that time.

I was a civil servant when I decided to take another degree as a mature student, only to find that the best paid job locally, after I had graduated, was within a different department as a civil servant.  To buy a house with my husband I also worked at an off-licence from 6-10pm. Is that something that you could do in lieu of a social life? You get to know your regulars and who's throwing a party!  Joining an evening class can be a hoot with a good group of class-mates, I've found languages  classes can be rather fun!  Pick something you've always fancied trying: flower arranging,  cooking for beginners, bridge, local history or woodworking?  You name it!

Later when buying out my ex, I had to take a job in the same dept. on shifts (for the shift allowance), to afford the higher mortgage payments...interest rates were at 15%.  Again shift work helped me identify friends who weren't flexible and wouldn't alter their week to socialise when I was off shift!

Life is full of difficult decisions and no matter how carefully you plan, life will throw you a curve-ball.  Ask yourself what living in London "does" for you.  I've yet to meet anyone who goes to the theatre or frequents the museums or galleries more than once a week!  I can travel into London in 90 mins if I need some culture or big shops!

Best of luck OP,  let us know where you end up?

lookstraightahead

Titus_Wadd said:

It's always a struggle for some people to buy a house.  I'm a baby boomer but my parents couldn't buy until my mum could work after I started school (f/t teacher) and dad was 47 (local government head of dept).
I have a couple of questions:  is your charity role not hands -on, not feeding homeless people or rescuing dogs from puppy farms, so would your 'office skills' transfer to another role?  Fund-raising, or account  management might transfer to other roles within a commercial setting?  Don't be hesitant to apply for better paid jobs now that you have a few years experience under your belt.

Currently do you commute into London on the same days every week?   Could you work 2 days back to back to minimise travel costs and time?  You could may be stay with friends and family the night in-between?

Could you invite your circle of friends to hang out in Norwich a couple of weekends month?  I found it nearly impossible to tempt friends from our home town in Lancs. or some relatives to make the effort to visit us...it's a tough realisation that you're less valued by your old mates than you thought!  

We relocated to Sussex from Lancashire àt 8 months pregnant and with an 18 month old.  My plan of campaign was to attend every single toddler group from day one, even though I'm not really a natural joiner-in.  It saved my sanity and I still have a circle of friends from that time.

I was a civil servant when I decided to take another degree as a mature student, only to find that the best paid job locally, after I had graduated, was within a different department as a civil servant.  To buy a house with my husband I also worked at an off-licence from 6-10pm. Is that something that you could do in lieu of a social life? You get to know your regulars and who's throwing a party!  Joining an evening class can be a hoot with a good group of class-mates, I've found languages  classes can be rather fun!  Pick something you've always fancied trying: flower arranging,  cooking for beginners, bridge, local history or woodworking?  You name it!

Later when buying out my ex, I had to take a job in the same dept. on shifts (for the shift allowance), to afford the higher mortgage payments...interest rates were at 15%.  Again shift work helped me identify friends who weren't flexible and wouldn't alter their week to socialise when I was off shift!

Life is full of difficult decisions and no matter how carefully you plan, life will throw you a curve-ball.  Ask yourself what living in London "does" for you.  I've yet to meet anyone who goes to the theatre or frequents the museums or galleries more than once a week!  I can't travel into London in 90 mins if I need some culture or big shops!

Best of luck OP,  let us know where you end up?

What a brilliant, supportive, positive post.

and you're absolutely right 

[Deleted User]

Titus_Wadd said:

It's always a struggle for some people to buy a house.  I'm a baby boomer but my parents couldn't buy until my mum could work after I started school (f/t teacher) and dad was 47 (local government head of dept).
I have a couple of questions:  is your charity role not hands -on, not feeding homeless people or rescuing dogs from puppy farms, so would your 'office skills' transfer to another role?  Fund-raising, or account  management might transfer to other roles within a commercial setting?  Don't be hesitant to apply for better paid jobs now that you have a few years experience under your belt.

Currently do you commute into London on the same days every week?   Could you work 2 days back to back to minimise travel costs and time?  You could may be stay with friends and family the night in-between?

Could you invite your circle of friends to hang out in Norwich a couple of weekends month?  I found it nearly impossible to tempt friends from our home town in Lancs. or some relatives to make the effort to visit us...it's a tough realisation that you're less valued by your old mates than you thought!  

We relocated to Sussex from Lancashire àt 8 months pregnant and with an 18 month old.  My plan of campaign was to attend every single toddler group from day one, even though I'm not really a natural joiner-in.  It saved my sanity and I still have a circle of friends from that time.

I was a civil servant when I decided to take another degree as a mature student, only to find that the best paid job locally, after I had graduated, was within a different department as a civil servant.  To buy a house with my husband I also worked at an off-licence from 6-10pm. Is that something that you could do in lieu of a social life? You get to know your regulars and who's throwing a party!  Joining an evening class can be a hoot with a good group of class-mates, I've found languages  classes can be rather fun!  Pick something you've always fancied trying: flower arranging,  cooking for beginners, bridge, local history or woodworking?  You name it!

Later when buying out my ex, I had to take a job in the same dept. on shifts (for the shift allowance), to afford the higher mortgage payments...interest rates were at 15%.  Again shift work helped me identify friends who weren't flexible and wouldn't alter their week to socialise when I was off shift!

Life is full of difficult decisions and no matter how carefully you plan, life will throw you a curve-ball.  Ask yourself what living in London "does" for you.  I've yet to meet anyone who goes to the theatre or frequents the museums or galleries more than once a week!  I can travel into London in 90 mins if I need some culture or big shops!

Best of luck OP,  let us know where you end up?

Thank you for this thoughtful response. My role is an office based Comms role. So it is transferable but I'm typecast for roles in charity, education, public sector really. So I know I'll never make +50k. I'm comfortable with that, I didn't pursue a career in tech because I'm not money-driven.

The mortgage offers I had now look very uncertain due to the latest turmoil with interest rates. In light of this, I've decided to give up on ownership. I'm looking for something I can rent in London while still having enough money to pay for food etc. 

And regarding living in London to living in commuter belt areas - the rent price difference isn't enough to make it worth living outside London. I looked at Hemel Hempstead. It's a horrible place and trains to the city are £25 return. I just can't live with that unfortunately. I think it's unethical. 

So I think for the sake of my mental health, I'll stop worrying about ownership and will just try to enjoy life as a renter. 

annetheman

Hm. Maybe trying to enjoy life as a renter is the best for you - if so, good luck!

Anecdotally, I went for shared ownership alone at 31 with no good other options - I was earning £38k, had £9k deposit and bought 28% of a 2-bed flat in a commuter town (work in London) - I didn't know anyone near here but it has a tube station, London Overground, lots to do, easy to drive everywhere, and I made friends eventually through my sober group*. 

I have been a very active campaigner for leaseholder rights, #endourcladdinscandal and shared ownership and was under no illusion about it being the worst form of tenure - I chose it because it is better to own 28% than 0%, and I know I could staircase to 100%, otherwise wouldn't bother.

Now, 2 years later, I am in a position to own outright due to a very large (>150%) salary increase via company-hopping. Seriously consider this. I went from a very small, 20-person company to a multinational industry leader; IME, that is the only way you could see the level of salary increase needed for staircasing to be viable.

I actually think all these things are possible for you, but you sound quite self-defeating. I don't say that to be mean at all; it just strikes me that maybe the problem isn't where you are, or renting, or Norwich, or Asia etc. Maybe look at truly what is causing your low-level malaise with all the very viable options available to you?

For me, it was alcohol.

*Since I took a sober, spiritual path, all the above happened, quite miraculously - seriously. I'm making huge assumptions and I don't know you, but if this is helpful for anyone else - great!

Edit to add: I lived in Norwich as a student, loved it, and beautiful place, but totally agree it would suck to be there at 34 lol.

Lots of uni friends all over the world - THERE IS NO NIRVANA, everyone has issues. One is a Dept Head at Tik Tok in Singapore - can't afford a place. One lives in Barcelona - low salary. The only one who is doing really well is now an events exec who moved to LA. Plenty others disappeared in Vietnam, Thailand for a while, came back to not much. My sister is doing amazingly in Tanzania - bought some cheap land and is building what we would call a mansion for peanuts. But you can't outrun your problems if they are in your head (I call it 'doing a geographical').

lincroft1710

annetheman said:

Hm. Maybe trying to enjoy life as a renter is the best for you - if so, good luck!

Anecdotally, I went for shared ownership alone at 31 with no good other options - I was earning £38k, had £9k deposit and bought 28% of a 2-bed flat in a commuter town (work in London) - I didn't know anyone near here but it has a tube station, London Overground, lots to do, easy to drive everywhere, and I made friends eventually through my sober group*. 

I have been a very active campaigner for leaseholder rights, #endourcladdinscandal and shared ownership and was under no illusion about it being the worst form of tenure - I chose it because it is better to own 28% than 0%, and I know I could staircase to 100%, otherwise wouldn't bother.

Now, 2 years later, I am in a position to own outright due to a very large (>150%) salary increase via company-hopping. Seriously consider this. I went from a very small, 20-person company to a multinational industry leader; IME, that is the only way you could see the level of salary increase needed for staircasing to be viable.

I actually think all these things are possible for you, but you sound quite self-defeating. I don't say that to be mean at all; it just strikes me that maybe the problem isn't where you are, or renting, or Norwich, or Asia etc. Maybe look at truly what is causing your low-level malaise with all the very viable options available to you?

For me, it was alcohol.

*Since I took a sober, spiritual path, all the above happened, quite miraculously - seriously. I'm making huge assumptions and I don't know you, but if this is helpful for anyone else - great!

Edit to add: I lived in Norwich as a student, loved it, and beautiful place, but totally agree it would suck to be there at 34 lol.

Lots of uni friends all over the world - THERE IS NO NIRVANA, everyone has issues. One is a Dept Head at Tik Tok in Singapore - can't afford a place. One lives in Barcelona - low salary. The only one who is doing really well is now an events exec who moved to LA. Plenty others disappeared in Vietnam, Thailand for a while, came back to not much. My sister is doing amazingly in Tanzania - bought some cheap land and is building what we would call a mansion for peanuts. But you can't outrun your problems if they are in your head (I call it 'doing a geographical').

You've replied to a post that is over a year old. The OP has a new post which is still attracting many replies

[Deleted User]

annetheman said:

Hm. Maybe trying to enjoy life as a renter is the best for you - if so, good luck!

Anecdotally, I went for shared ownership alone at 31 with no good other options - I was earning £38k, had £9k deposit and bought 28% of a 2-bed flat in a commuter town (work in London) - I didn't know anyone near here but it has a tube station, London Overground, lots to do, easy to drive everywhere, and I made friends eventually through my sober group*. 

I have been a very active campaigner for leaseholder rights, #endourcladdinscandal and shared ownership and was under no illusion about it being the worst form of tenure - I chose it because it is better to own 28% than 0%, and I know I could staircase to 100%, otherwise wouldn't bother.

Now, 2 years later, I am in a position to own outright due to a very large (>150%) salary increase via company-hopping. Seriously consider this. I went from a very small, 20-person company to a multinational industry leader; IME, that is the only way you could see the level of salary increase needed for staircasing to be viable.

I actually think all these things are possible for you, but you sound quite self-defeating. I don't say that to be mean at all; it just strikes me that maybe the problem isn't where you are, or renting, or Norwich, or Asia etc. Maybe look at truly what is causing your low-level malaise with all the very viable options available to you?

For me, it was alcohol.

*Since I took a sober, spiritual path, all the above happened, quite miraculously - seriously. I'm making huge assumptions and I don't know you, but if this is helpful for anyone else - great!

Edit to add: I lived in Norwich as a student, loved it, and beautiful place, but totally agree it would suck to be there at 34 lol.

Lots of uni friends all over the world - THERE IS NO NIRVANA, everyone has issues. One is a Dept Head at Tik Tok in Singapore - can't afford a place. One lives in Barcelona - low salary. The only one who is doing really well is now an events exec who moved to LA. Plenty others disappeared in Vietnam, Thailand for a while, came back to not much. My sister is doing amazingly in Tanzania - bought some cheap land and is building what we would call a mansion for peanuts. But you can't outrun your problems if they are in your head (I call it 'doing a geographical').

I wouldn’t be so negative if there were things to be positive about. Houseshares, shared ownership, living hundreds of miles away from everything I know, living with family. These are the options and they are all bad. I know people try to kid themselves into thinking things are good because it’s kind of a mental health trick, and it’s true that I’m not very good at that. But it’s not in my head. The opportunities aren’t there. Life isn’t good. 

MultiFuelBurner

The statement life isn't good. Have you spoken to someone about your mental health and wellbeing? Does your work offer this to you confidentially?

timehastoldme

Your perspective is completely askew my dude. Mental health tricks? Your brain is doing them all the time by telling you it's all hopeless and bad. Your brain isn't always your best friend. Seems like you are stuck in the 'shoulds'. I earn a good wage, I am a certain age, I should be able to do this thing... That's not how it works.

I lived in houseshares right up until I was married. I lived in houseshares with married couples. We did end up with a terrible flat for ourselves, but to afford it we lived on the fringes, on a high street, two floors above a bank wading through rubbish. For us, London wasn't worth that level of compromise so we bailed. My husband worked in uni's too, but has since done post grads and moved into work he loves.

If London is your thing, you have options to stay. If London and living alone is your thing, there's shared ownership. If London and being around people, there's houseshares. This is more options than a good many people have access to, and the fact this still makes you miserable makes me think something else is wrong. Is shared ownership as good as buying outright? Maybe not, but is it better than nothing, heck yes! Is living with other people as good as living on your own? No, but is it better than living at home? Probably! Is living with with your folks great? Maybe no, but it's better than homelessness!

Perspective. Figure out what makes you happy now and build on that. If you can't do it alone, therapy helps. (Speaking from personal experience there, therapy changed my life).