Money Moral Dilemma: How much should my partner pay towards our holiday?

EmmaBadgeParry

Maybe ask yourself if you have accepted your step daughter (married or not she is). You knew she was there before getting involved. 

Chumpy1962

Split it 50/50 and stop complaining. You are fortunate to have a holiday, I've not had a holiday since 1984 and I'm not likely to ever have one now, you don't appreciate how fortunate you are.

Ath_Wat

Chumpy1962 said:

Split it 50/50 and stop complaining. You are fortunate to have a holiday, I've not had a holiday since 1984 and I'm not likely to ever have one now, you don't appreciate how fortunate you are.

You're the fortunate one - my great great grandfather has been dead since 1862.

ginger_chocolate

Ath_Wat said:

Carola77 said:

A stepchild is simply not a step parent's financial responsibility.  The child already usually has two parents to provide for them (who chose to have the child, unlike the step parent).  Expecting the step parent to pay towards their child is freeloading on the part of the biological parent.  I am  shocked by posters who think this is a normal expectation.

It's a responsibility you should expect to take on when you choose to marry the person.  Their previous child is a part of them.  If you don't want it, find someone else.  Everyone here has made choices.

I'm astonished that any parent would marry anyone who didn't think like that.  That's what shocks me.

It was harshly expressed maybe, but I get the original point. In many cases the stepchild already has two parents to take care of them even though those parents may now be separated and with other people. You could argue that it doesn't apply to luxuries that have been chosen mainly by the adults in the new relationship (like a holiday) but if I was married to someone  with a child from a previous relationship, I would expect the child's biological parent to take on half of the financial responsibility  for looking after that child, not for them to palm it off on me because I happen to have married their ex. That's not to say I would treat the child badly, or refuse to spend anything on them, but I'm certainly not obliged to take over the duties of their actual parent.

Obviously individual situations vary - deceased parents, abusive exes, etcand everyone will make appropriate decisions for their unique situation.But the point stands that you don't automatically take responsibility for someone else's child when you get into a relationship with them. 

Twixty3

ginger_chocolate said:

Ath_Wat said:

Carola77 said:

A stepchild is simply not a step parent's financial responsibility.  The child already usually has two parents to provide for them (who chose to have the child, unlike the step parent).  Expecting the step parent to pay towards their child is freeloading on the part of the biological parent.  I am  shocked by posters who think this is a normal expectation.

It's a responsibility you should expect to take on when you choose to marry the person.  Their previous child is a part of them.  If you don't want it, find someone else.  Everyone here has made choices.

I'm astonished that any parent would marry anyone who didn't think like that.  That's what shocks me.

It was harshly expressed maybe, but I get the original point. In many cases the stepchild already has two parents to take care of them even though those parents may now be separated and with other people. You could argue that it doesn't apply to luxuries that have been chosen mainly by the adults in the new relationship (like a holiday) but if I was married to someone  with a child from a previous relationship, I would expect the child's biological parent to take on half of the financial responsibility  for looking after that child, not for them to palm it off on me because I happen to have married their ex. That's not to say I would treat the child badly, or refuse to spend anything on them, but I'm certainly not obliged to take over the duties of their actual parent.

Obviously individual situations vary - deceased parents, abusive exes, etcand everyone will make appropriate decisions for their unique situation.But the point stands that you don't automatically take responsibility for someone else's child when you get into a relationship with them. 

Expecting and getting are two different things as in this case it sounds like the man is a non resident parent wanting to take his child from a former relationship on holiday with his new partner and child.   

Non resident parents get no assistance from either government or ex’s to even feed the child never mind take them on holiday and likely still have child maintenance  to pay as well. 

Some non resident parents have even been court ordered to pay child maintenance for step children. 

See this  - https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/6368500/step-grandchild
 

It’s not about responsibility it’s more about accepting them as part of the family and treating them as such when with you.   Thankfully. There are many, manyfamilies who have children from the former relationship weekends and holiday and all costs come from the family budget.  

Anything other than this is perhaps doomed from endless squabbles over money or by creating an us and her situation.  

lee.plymouth

I am genuinely shocked at some comments on here. I think this is indicative of society today, too many people thinking of themselves only and getting what they can.
I have been married for 14 years now, 2 child, joint bank. I earn a lot more than my wife but marriage and having children is a commitment and loving  partnership, everything is ours, not mine and yours, share everything. No hastle, no arguments over payments etc. Etc.  No arguing over who's paying more for a meal as someone had an extra chip or something silly like that. I am old fashioned maybe.

tastyfish

Pretty much what others have said, you’re in a relationship, everything’s usually equal but I get your point, his daughter is not (yet) your responsibility. So things aren’t equal.

So, to get round the issue if you’re concerned about a budget, your only sensible option to satisfy this condition is to find an apartment that will accommodate you all but at the same price had you gone for a smaller one had she not been coming. Unfortunately, you’ll need to compromise on something (distance, quality, facilities, etc). Or he should recognise the fact that she’s coming and pay accordingly, which, if he’s a keeper, would be a good thing for him to do.

Enjoy your holiday!

bikaga

It seems fair to me. I'm pretty sure "dad's new partner and their toddler" is not most 15-y-olds' dream holiday, so might be nice to not make her the source of an argument that impacts on holiday peace on top of that.

alwaysontime_2

I think if you share your finances for everything then the cost of the holiday should be shared, however as the daughter is 15 and would not qualify for child price, if she does not live with you then I believe you should only pay a third of the total cost.

KaelaLee88

This is why advisors like Dave Ramsey talk expansively on the problems of "playing house" with someone who isn't your Spouse x