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Money Moral Dilemma: How much should my partner pay towards our holiday?

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Comments

  • JamesyMac said:
    Have a word with yourself. You’re partners; split it 50/50 or whatever way works financially. If I was him and you behaved like that, I’d walk.
    You’re contradicting yourself. You say ‘split 50/50 or whatever way works financially’ which is exactly what OP is trying to determine, but then you go on to say you’d walk if it was you and your partner tried to work out the finances. 🤔 
  • Why should any partner have to pay for more than what's fair? People go to work to earn money for themselves, nobody goes to work to pay for other people's way. The other parent of the child should pay for them as that's their responsibility, in no way should a new partner or step parent pay for a child that's not theirs unless they choose too, not expected to. My partner receives benefits for their children aswell as working, I don't receive anything extra so how would it be fair to expect me to pay for them.

    What the OP should do is ask their partner for the other parent of the child to contribute as it's their obligation.
  • macaroni
    macaroni Posts: 448 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Photogenic
    Why should any partner have to pay for more than what's fair? People go to work to earn money for themselves, nobody goes to work to pay for other people's way. The other parent of the child should pay for them as that's their responsibility, in no way should a new partner or step parent pay for a child that's not theirs unless they choose too, not expected to. My partner receives benefits for their children aswell as working, I don't receive anything extra so how would it be fair to expect me to pay for them.

    What the OP should do is ask their partner for the other parent of the child to contribute as it's their obligation.
    OMG! You are a blended family and I am shocked you think like this. The other parent (your partner's ex) has no obligation, at all, to pay for their child to go on holiday with you.
    :hello:
  • akira181
    akira181 Posts: 536 Forumite
    Ninth Anniversary 100 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited 20 July 2022 at 9:24AM
    Just split it 50/50 and get on with your holiday, no ifs no buts. The fact he's offered to pay for the 15 year old daughter is already more than he needs to. You accepted the responsibility of looking after her as well when you got into a committed relationship and now you're treating her like a burden.
    Is it a romantic relationship or just a "what's in it for me" relationship?
    The former doesn't care about who is gaining what and are just happy to enjoy each others company. Keep the latter attitude and it'll be "I'm paying less for dinner because you had 2 glasses of wine and I only had 1" or some other holiday ruining nonsense. If you're more concerned about who's getting the "better" deal, it's going to be no-one so you'd save more money just staying at home.

  • " I'm going away with my partner, his 15-year-old daughter and our 16-month-old daughter this summer. We're debating how much he should pay. He suggests he pays for his and his daughter's flights and me for my flight (our toddler will be on our laps), and that we split the accommodation equally"

    This seems like a very fair and obvious solution to me (especially if you don't have parental responsibilities for the 15 year old). If you're worried about affording your half of this maybe you need to have a different chat with your partner about finances.
  • dirtmother
    dirtmother Posts: 144 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    A lot more to unpick here than shares of cost (interesting no mention of doing it as a % of disposable income, or income and it's not clear whether things are tight or you are being tight)

    It may worth considering that an alternative would have been for him to take his daughter (or daughters for that matter) on holiday separately. If his teenage daughter can be considered an 'extra' then so, frankly, could you. In fact, her being there may very well be a boon to you, an extra pair of eyes, extra entertainment and an extra lap for your own daughter.

    I am assuming this is all pretty definite as a holiday plan (insofar as any of us can have currently) - if there were to be some flakiness about so you have strong reason to believe she might pull out or be pulled out of the trip for no good reason when you have committed to more expensive accommodation on her behalf, yes, that's annoying.
  • This, in my mind, raises the issue of how you relate to your partner's daughter.  Do you resent her even coming?  I hope not and that you see you all as a family unit.  
  • It seems fair to me what your partner has proposed, it doesn't sound as if you live together from your post or you would be used to sharing the bills. I think if you have difficulty affording your half of the holiday you need to tell him and perhaps choose a cheaper option you can afford. Apart from that if you are going to quibble about sharing the cost of meals etc. it is going to ruin your holiday, also do you resent the fact his daughter is coming with you if so this is a big problem you need to come to terms with otherwise your relationship is going nowhere.
  • My advice would be to pay half and keep the peace. His daughter is 15yr old so she will be doing her own thing very soon and probably won’t want to go on holiday with dad and you for much longer. Remember she will also be you’re little girls big sister so if you think of it like that then the extra cost you incur may be easier to bear.
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