Money Moral Dilemma: How much should my partner pay towards our holiday?

Carola77

A stepchild is simply not a step parent's financial responsibility.  The child already usually has two parents to provide for them (who chose to have the child, unlike the step parent).  Expecting the step parent to pay towards their child is freeloading on the part of the biological parent.  I am  shocked by posters who think this is a normal expectation.

Groom

Carola77 said:

A stepchild is simply not a step parent's financial responsibility.  The child already usually has two parents to provide for them (who chose to have the child, unlike the step parent).  Expecting the step parent to pay towards their child is freeloading on the part of the biological parent.  I am  shocked by posters who think this is a normal expectation.

I think freeloading is rather harsh in this situation, especially as we don't know all the facts i.e. where does the daughter usually live.

It sounds to me as if the partner has suggested a fair solution in offering to pay for two out of three flights.  However, before they go they also need to talk about what happens with excursions etc, will the partner cover the cost of his daughter's tickets? After that, everything such as accommodation and food should be split equally. 

Please make sure you get this sorted now, otherwise it could cause arguments when you are on holiday, leading to an unpleasant atmosphere and the daughter feeling unwanted. Be happy that a 15 year old wants to go on holiday with her father, her half sibling and his partner. If she'd refused, your partner could have been left in a difficult position -  whether to spend time with her or with you. 

Brie

I struggle to see what the problem is with what he's proposed.   Unless he earns massive amounts more than you but that would be reflected in all your financial transactions after what I assume is a relationship of over 2 years already.  

He's paying extra so his daughter can come with the rest of the family.  Don't forget that having her there may very well give you adults the chance to go out to dinner by yourself while SD looks after her younger sibling.  That's a big benefit I think.

helden305

I had to pay for my 2 sons and myself when we went on holiday even though we were married, I didn't work (his wish) and he had an amazing job. It made the cost impossible but was indicative of deeper problems.  In hindsight, if you are not prepared to share as a team, financially you shouldn't be together. We're divorced now.

Ath_Wat

primrose_penguin said:

It seems fair to me what your partner has proposed, it doesn't sound as if you live together from your post or you would be used to sharing the bills. I think if you have difficulty affording your half of the holiday you need to tell him and perhaps choose a cheaper option you can afford. Apart from that if you are going to quibble about sharing the cost of meals etc. it is going to ruin your holiday, also do you resent the fact his daughter is coming with you if so this is a big problem you need to come to terms with otherwise your relationship is going nowhere.

They have a 16 month old daughter; I think the presumption is they are living together.  If he's living somewhere else and leaving her to look after their child on her own  while they are ostensibly partners that's even more bizarre.

Ath_Wat

helden305 said:

I had to pay for my 2 sons and myself when we went on holiday even though we were married, I didn't work (his wish) and he had an amazing job. It made the cost impossible but was indicative of deeper problems.  In hindsight, if you are not prepared to share as a team, financially you shouldn't be together. We're divorced now.

I would hope you are divorced - you didn't work because he didn't want you to, yet you didn't share finances??  That's ridiculous.  Nobody should be in a relationship with anyone like that, ever.

Ath_Wat

Carola77 said:

A stepchild is simply not a step parent's financial responsibility.  The child already usually has two parents to provide for them (who chose to have the child, unlike the step parent).  Expecting the step parent to pay towards their child is freeloading on the part of the biological parent.  I am  shocked by posters who think this is a normal expectation.

It's a responsibility you should expect to take on when you choose to marry the person.  Their previous child is a part of them.  If you don't want it, find someone else.  Everyone here has made choices.

I'm astonished that any parent would marry anyone who didn't think like that.  That's what shocks me.

JimJam555

You knew he had a child when you got with him and had another child with him. You should split the bill equally 50/50 irrelevant of who’s child is who’s. You’re being very unfair! 

Carola77

Ath_Wat said:

Carola77 said:

A stepchild is simply not a step parent's financial responsibility.  The child already usually has two parents to provide for them (who chose to have the child, unlike the step parent).  Expecting the step parent to pay towards their child is freeloading on the part of the biological parent.  I am  shocked by posters who think this is a normal expectation.

It's a responsibility you should expect to take on when you choose to marry the person.  Their previous child is a part of them.  If you don't want it, find someone else.  Everyone here has made choices.

I'm astonished that any parent would marry anyone who didn't think like that.  That's what shocks me.

Nowhere does it say in the original post that they are married.

Personally I wouldn't take on somebody else's children.  I know many people who feel the same.

However, this poster has her own chuld with her partner now so she is in a different position.

Ath_Wat

Carola77 said:

Ath_Wat said:

Carola77 said:

A stepchild is simply not a step parent's financial responsibility.  The child already usually has two parents to provide for them (who chose to have the child, unlike the step parent).  Expecting the step parent to pay towards their child is freeloading on the part of the biological parent.  I am  shocked by posters who think this is a normal expectation.

It's a responsibility you should expect to take on when you choose to marry the person.  Their previous child is a part of them.  If you don't want it, find someone else.  Everyone here has made choices.

I'm astonished that any parent would marry anyone who didn't think like that.  That's what shocks me.

Nowhere does it say in the original post that they are married.

Personally I wouldn't take on somebody else's children.  I know many people who feel the same.

However, this poster has her own chuld with her partner now so she is in a different position.

No, I shouldn't have said married, I should have said "enter into a relationship and have a child with".  Makes little difference.  Having a child is a far greater commitment than getting married.