Step grandchild

Threebabes

My son is having twins with his partner and she already has a child. We’ve only been in her life for a matter of months due to shielding for my youngest going through a bone marrow transplant whilst in Covid.

How do people with grandchildren and step grandchildren manage to be fair.

I was going to open a bank account for the twins but do I open another for the step grandchild?
what do you do for birthdays and Christmas? Do you treat the children equally though she has family on her paternal side.

I’ve an idea what we will do but interested in other opinions.

thank you

Username03725

I married into a ready made family - one son, one cat. More followed, but that was the start point. We're still together, and one of the things my [step]son still looks back on fondly is that my parents (now both gone) accepted him instantly as one of the family and treated him exactly the same as every other grandchild that came along, before & since. That's my watermark.

He's a child of the family in all respects, now in his mid-20s. Personally unless your step-grandson is a drug-dealing 22 year-old, there'd need to be a solid reason to exclude him. In 10-15 years time, you might find yourself trying to justify to him why his siblings have whatever they have, and he has nothing.

littlegreenparrot

I'd treat them the same. 

What else are you going to do? It would be awful to have Christmas presents for the others and not them. 

BellaLasagna2018

I’m giving you my opinion from the point of view of having stepdaughters, as well as a grandchild who is my partner’ s step grandchild. 

I don’t think it is necessary for you to open a savings account for your step grandchild,  but in terms of Christmas, birthday presents and other treats, I think they should be treated the same as your biological grand children. 

You may get to love that step grandchild child as much as your biological ones. 

Threebabes

Thank you.

We will be definitely treating the 3 grandchildren the same.

I will see about savings account but leaning towards getting step grandchild one too. 

sienew

littlegreenparrot said:

I'd treat them the same. 

What else are you going to do? It would be awful to have Christmas presents for the others and not them. 

On the opposite side this can also lead to unevenness and jealousy from the biological grandchild. The biological grandchild may get gifts from two sets of grandparents (biological mum and dads parents) whereas the step grandchild may very well be getting double the gifts (biological mum and dads parents + parents of step mum/dad). Very difficult to keep things balanced either way.

JReacher1

It doesn’t really matter what the kids biological grandparents do. I think it would be weird rocking up for Christmas and having presents for everyone apart from the step grandchild. 

Treat them the same, if money is an issue spend the same in total on three presents as you would on just two. 

theoretica

Also - talk to your son and partner!  What will be fairest and most appreciated by the family may depend on the stepgrandchild's other family.  Does that child already have a large savings account, lots of presents and fairness in balancing it out would focus on the twins, or do they have nothing and no contact?

Ms_Chocaholic

I think you need to treat the twins' older sibling the same.  My daughter from a previous relationship was not accepted by my husband's family despite husband's siblings step children being accepted and as a mum it really hurts, still does.

Longwalker

Im a step grandparent - step daughter has three of her own

He husband has two from a previous relationship

As far as I and her father are concerned, they are all our grandchildren, even though we dont see much of his, if they hear Dad and  Step Mum are coming for the weekend and they fancy a break as well - they come along and are equally welcomed. Indeed one of his children pops in regular 

We dont have money to be opening accounts , but all will be looked after when we pop off - equally 

HampshireH

If you want to open accounts personally I would only do that for the twins.

I would however treat the step grandchild the same for birthdays /Xmas/days out etc.