Step grandchild

theoretica

I think this thread highlights the difference between giving love and giving things.  You can give love to lots of people, without limit.  But giving things does surely mean considering the needs and existing possessions of who you are giving to - giving the same toy to newborns and older child would be silly, the bad sort of equality.

pickledonionspaceraider

I find this a strange question, in this day and age - that adults need guidance on how to behave towards children

thorsoak

We have one "ready made" granddaughter - she came with her mum into the lives of my son and ourselves.    She has always been treated by the whole family in exactly the same way as her sisters.   She still had a relationship with her father's family but that has made absolutely no difference in what we give to her - and I did notice when we were there one Christmas that her father's family sent gifts to her sisters as well as to M.

When I made my will all my grandchildren are named as beneficiaries and M is included with them.   Mind you - what they will all do with £5.75 each is up to them :-D !

Longwalker

pickledonionspaceraider said:

I find this a strange question, in this day and age - that adults need guidance on how to behave towards children

I dont think its guidance on how to behave towards children as such, but more of us older people learning and embracing that we have blended families

My mum for instance, the generation before me, has her will writen for "blood children, grandchildren", totally disregarding she hasn't seen those blood grandchildren in 20 years but has watch her" step grandchildren and step great great grandchildren "grow up as she lives in our home.

She is very generous with them, the GG grandkids always get pocket money when they are here, our daughter has been given the money for white appliances that have been needed , but as far as she is concerned, they arent blood so her will reflects that

The family I have is so blended its been liquidised Ive never had children of my own ( choice ) but have embraced the ever growing family we have

My mums will narks me as her step grandchildren and great grandchildren have shared more of her life then her "blood" ones, but at 84 nowt is going to change how she feels and I have to respect its her money, she chooses. Cos come the end of the day, whatever I benefit from will be heading to the blended family I have

HRH_MUngo

I don't have any grandchildren, step or otherwise, and am unlikely to have them now.  So I can only speculate as to what I would do.

I would treat the 'step' grandchild the same as regards birthday, Christmas presents etc. I would try my very best to treat them the same as my own grandchildren in other ways, even down to giving savings accounts.  It's not the child's fault that they are not biologically my own blood.

However, I don't think I would love them as much as my own.  I would do my level best not to show it (again, it's not fair to the child), but in my own private thoughts I think I would always be aware of that fact.

As  I say, this is only speculation.  Please feel free to ignore.

(And I am glad my adoptive parents didn't feel like this.  But not everyone is cut out to feel parental towards someone else's child).

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

In my situation: 

I met my ex with a 2 year old. He, and his family, took her in as her own, and did the same thing with bank accounts. 

Me and ex broke up - his whole family, despite being in DD1s life for 10 years - walked away, blocked her phone number and do not acknowledge her, but maintain a relationship with DD2 (Biologically theirs) 

I have watched DD1 be heartbroken that the person she called "grandma" has nothing to do with her. 

If you do treat the child as your own, remember this doesn't end because the parents don't stay together

Threebabes

Longwalker said:

pickledonionspaceraider said:

I find this a strange question, in this day and age - that adults need guidance on how to behave towards children

I dont think its guidance on how to behave towards children as such, but more of us older people learning and embracing that we have blended families

My mum for instance, the generation before me, has her will writen for "blood children, grandchildren", totally disregarding she hasn't seen those blood grandchildren in 20 years but has watch her" step grandchildren and step great great grandchildren "grow up as she lives in our home.

She is very generous with them, the GG grandkids always get pocket money when they are here, our daughter has been given the money for white appliances that have been needed , but as far as she is concerned, they arent blood so her will reflects that

The family I have is so blended its been liquidised Ive never had children of my own ( choice ) but have embraced the ever growing family we have

My mums will narks me as her step grandchildren and great grandchildren have shared more of her life then her "blood" ones, but at 84 nowt is going to change how she feels and I have to respect its her money, she chooses. Cos come the end of the day, whatever I benefit from will be heading to the blended family I have

Thank you for your comment. You’ve summed it up perfectly.

Thank you for all your thoughts in this thread.  The more time we spend with her the more we love her in such a short space of time. She’s an absolute delight.  It would have been lovely to meet them both earlier but as mentioned youngest daughter was diagnosed with a life threatening blood condition at the start of Covid resulting in two stem cell transplants and 18 month shielding. 

Once again thank you for your advice.