COVID cancel plans with friends

sim2335

For over a week there’s a religious festival, end of sept/oct called garba, anyway my friend who’s moved to a different city wants to go every year for each day it’s on in eveing.

The reason he wants to go is because he can approach girls, and see same girls everyday, so easier.

I promise him I will go with him, this year every day for the week.

Last time he got annoyed because I said I will go a few days, then weekend were gona be sold out unless your brought wristband for £50 for everyday, which he did without even asking me.

Then I was unhappy about paying for wristband.

However I have to call to cancel now because I had Covid, I don’t want to risk getting it again, if I get it again then I won’t be able to go on hoilday which I have week after.

How should I adddress the issue, it’s not just him, I’m not going to anything till October even things I badley want to go to.

Brie

Talk to him and explain.  If he's already bought tickets/wristbands then see if he can get someone else to go and pay for them instead of you.  But if you said yes and knew he was going to buy these then I would say you should at least offer some ££.

The_Unready

"Hi friend. Sorry, but I can't come to Garba this year. Hope you and your family are well. Regards, Sim2335"

TBagpuss

I think you will just have to tell him that you don't feel comfortable attending a festicval igven that Covid is still a big issue. apologise for having changed your mind but explain that when you agreed to go, cvoid cases were much lower (I assume that that's what's changed) and you don't feel comfortable.

If he has already paid for the tickets then you still need to pay for that unless they can be refunded or you are able to sell your on, heshould not be out of pocket because you changed your mind. However, if they havent been bought you need to tell him now that you won't be going and won't pay for a ticket.

sim2335

You can’t buy anything now, no one elese would go with him everyday and no one’s reaible like me normally when I say, I will do something I do it.

He’s not brought anything you can’t till spetmber, if he had I would pay.

He won’t be going either now, because no one elese will go.

Because I got Covid now that’s changed everything, the reason I agreed before which was about 9 months ago, as he had helped me, and took me places, and he was moving away so I would only see him once a year for this, and I never had Covid so didn’t realise it was this simple to get, and no hoilday booked, and reason hoilday booked then, it’s that’s only time mum and I could get off together when it’s also not too hot their, and after that I don’t know if I will go on hoilday with mum again because she only likes one country, I like to see others.

Brie

if he's really your friend he will understand.

Sncjw

If he hasn't bought anything then you can just say you don't want to go. No one can make you do anything like this if you don't want to. 

sim2335

I agree but he from how I know him and he’s desparte  to go, would say I wouldn’t let you down, I would risk it,which i think is  true, don’t know how to respond to that.

Sea_Shell

Unfortunately, I think you have an assertiveness problem, which leads to you feeling guilty or pressured into doing things you don't want to.

No one here can help you with that I'm afraid.

Have you sought any specific training or counselling about this?   As it's a common theme to many of your threads.

Pollycat

sim2335 said:

I agree but he from how I know him and he’s desparte  to go, would say I wouldn’t let you down, I would risk it,which i think is  true, don’t know how to respond to that.

It really doen't matter what he would say or do.
It's what you want to do (or more accurately don't want to do).

If you don't want to go, just tell him.
And don't entertain any attempt to change your mind by guilt-tripping you.

sim2335

How do I not engage with guilt trip etc
he will say stuff to make me respond what do I say back

Im having cbt at the momment but the threpist doesn’t go deep enough, even though he’s very qualified he just talks about it, and just say stick to your guns etc
yeara ago I saw one who was really good lot less qualified just a thrpist not dr like this one, he gave me actual method even when I don’t know what to say etc, however I didn’t get to practice cos wasn’t meeting people due to Covid 

if it was flu or I wasn’t going on hoilday I would go with him.