Getting the balance right

elantan

Virtual hugs are always welcome ❤❤

I hope the wee mouse doesnt have clogs on or you wont get any sleep, 

it is hard isnt it, it can get frustrating as well but we ensure we enjoy what time we have when we can. I've often wondered if leaving him would work, I dont know if you remember or not but I did kick him out a few years ago, it shocked him into stopping for 6 months, but I dont think that would work again, I think it would speed up the process of dying tbh, so far he hasnt had any of the "serious" effects from the alcohol but having seen ascitic taps, pancreatitis, STEMI's seizures etc from alcohol I do know his future and so does he, he watched his uncle die a horrible death due to alcohol and it scares him and he tries to give up, then the addiction takes over. 

He had planned on little to no alcohol while we were away, I think I worked it out to 18.5 weeks of "safe" alcohol consumption taken in a week, and yet he insisted he wasnt going to lie with a hangover and came out and kayaked and walked etc every day cause he knew it meant a lot ot me... ach well .. life can be strange sometimes 

hope you get a good sleep xx 

elantan

So with my wages I bought £500 more in vls40 as I had checked it and it was nearly £3 down, thought to myself ya wee dancer finally I may actually start to earn some money, made the purchase put the order in, awaiting the person to purchase the funds ......   up £3.98 🙄🙄🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

typical of my luck 🤣🤣

Karmacat

What a beautiful series of posts, El (and Cheery).  I suddenly understand a lot more about your predicament, El - and also understand about making plans for a solo future, not that you want it, but that will be the result of what Mr El is doing to his body.  

Heart failure because of what someone eats or drinks ... yes.  Not as young as Cheery's ex-partner, my person was 51 when he died, but its still young-ish.  They'd talked privately about not making it to retirement age, which I didn't know at the time.  Unspeakably sad.

elantan

aye it is sad KC,  51 is very young, heart failure is not nice, I have quite a bit of experience with hearts and know things can change innthe blink of an eye

Mr El has often said he doesnt think he will make it, and other times days he thinks he will be dead just after retiring, so a lot of the retirement push is for him to atleast have some freedom whilst he still can,


 he also wants to cash in his second DB pension, normally you think dont be so bloody daft, but in his case yeah it's the right thing to do... £400k in a SIPP or £8k a year with £60k tax free . . he wont live long enough to get the benefit of that, and what I would get would be pitiful, but the £400k ( or what's left of it) will be good to hand down to our son when i go 

elantan

incidentally I would just like to say Mr El is not the worst drinker I have met, I have met and often meet people who drink much much more than Mr El, but what he is drinking is slowly killing him 

skint_spice

He is a lovely man and I hope he can stop drinking but I think (and this is just how my mind works) that cutting down is still feeding the notion that there is something to be missed and that you are being deprived which would make it harder.  Giving up completely and embracing the notion that life will improve would be easier... just pondering here.

Moneyfordreams

I have appreciated your honesty in your posts El. My brother has heart failure brought on by alcoholism. He is 69. He says he controls his daily drinking and to a large extent he does - but it is still killing him. He will blame anything he can rather than his lifestyle as a cause. His wife idolises him. I admire yours and her tolerance and forgiveness. 

I quit drinking aged 50 2 and a half years ago - I'm scared to have another as my OH loves to drink and he would think I would want it all the time. I wish he would drink less but as he drinks on his nights off from work (generally 4 cans) I just continue to nag as it's too big a part of his week. Positive or negative reinforcement only lasts for a short while. I'm hoping some kind of switch flicks before OH retires - I keep telling him he is lovely without it and it's a shame he has to be half cut to spend time with me      

elantan

Hey all  

sorry been nights and had a bit of a tiring / frustrating time. 

I see what your saying @skint_spice and I know for me I would need to go cold turkey as cutting down wouldnt do me any favours ( sugar addict here) but alcohol is different, if you give that up your body really doesnt like it, it can actually kill you, giving up is absolutely best done under medical supervision, I dont think Mr El is at that stage just yet but if he carried on the way he is going he would be. I still dont think he is able to go cold Turkey though although he is such a stubborn !!!!!! and desperate he has tried a few times. 

elantan

Moneyfordreams said:

I have appreciated your honesty in your posts El. My brother has heart failure brought on by alcoholism. He is 69. He says he controls his daily drinking and to a large extent he does - but it is still killing him. He will blame anything he can rather than his lifestyle as a cause. His wife idolises him. I admire yours and her tolerance and forgiveness. 

I quit drinking aged 50 2 and a half years ago - I'm scared to have another as my OH loves to drink and he would think I would want it all the time. I wish he would drink less but as he drinks on his nights off from work (generally 4 cans) I just continue to nag as it's too big a part of his week. Positive or negative reinforcement only lasts for a short while. I'm hoping some kind of switch flicks before OH retires - I keep telling him he is lovely without it and it's a shame he has to be half cut to spend time with me      

Aye I have yet to meet an addict that doesnt have a blind spot, you can get them to admit their addiction ( not everyone) but they have problems seeing how that impacts their life or health ... until they are ready to that is. 

Mr El for example really hit the alcohol hard while we were away and as a result he clawed his skin so bad in several places he took strips of skin off. He showed me them and I said well yep you know that will be the alcohol, to which he replied no it wont be, your just giving it everything is alcohol everything ... so I explained how the liver and the kidneys were struggling to get rid of the amount of poison he had put into his body, how his kidneys couldnt filter it and liver couldnt get rid of it and the body tends to become inflamed and skin gets itchy... he stared at me for a long time then walked away.  I think the way I just tell him these things matter of factly with no emotion chills him sometimes. 

I tried the whole thing maybe if I drink the same as him he will see how bad it is and stop ... god that was a hard few months, he thought he had a drink buddy and I was so I'll, but when your desperate you'll try anything, it's all part of the journey to realisation that they have to make the change and you cant do it or force it for them. 

I rarely drink now, I cant handle hangovers even a glass of wine makes me I'll so it just isnt worth it for me

elantan

Curtains are up in the hall, they are not as thick as I expected but I do like the pattern so will keep them, hopefully they will help us keep heat in, fire is on water is heating on the fire and I'm bobbing about doing housework after a few night shifts, on call again tomorrow so need to rest up for that as well. 

Hope your all good