The Mental Debt Struggle...

Keedie

March 2023 Financial Summary

Starting Balance = £14,236.59 | Amount Repaid = £488.76 (2.20%) | Closing Balance = £13,747.83
Total Repaid to Date = £8,442.04 (38.06%)

Bank of Mum 3 (school fees)
Starting Balance = £3,150 | Amount Repaid = £50 (1.59% repaid) | Closing Balance = £3,100 | Total Repaid to Date= £1,700 (35.42% repaid)
This will remain at £50 a month for a longer period, as I have decreased my debt payments to enable me to save, so it'll take longer to get my debts down before I can increase payments to this one.

Barclaycard
Starting Balance = £7,465.34 | Amount Repaid = £265.34 (3.55% repaid) | Closing Balance = £7,200 | Total Repaid to Date = £2,387.80 (24.90% repaid)
My reduced monthly payment of £250 feels much more manageable and as I have so much to fund in the coming months and will have reduced income for May and June 2023 due to the parental leave, this feels more manageable for the coming months. I will be getting a balance or money transfer at some point in the next 6-8 months to get rid of the 0% interest balances due on 1 February 2024 and 1 April 2024. But I'm glad that nearly 25% has gone - yippee.

Creation
Starting Balance = £561.31 | Amount Repaid = £72.67 (12.95% repaid) | Closing Balance = £488.64 | Total Repaid to Date = £581.36 (54.71% repaid)
I got this balance a bit confused when I did my Debt Restart so my figures were £7.33 off, so I've corrected that and so my total is still below £500 which is really reassuring. It means that my final payment in October 2023 is £52.62 and not £45.29 but that is okay. As I am late in writing my spending summary, April 2023's payment has already come out, so there's only 6 payments left. I've paid over 50% of this debt so I am happy.

MBNA
Starting Balance = £2,267.88 | Amount Repaid = £67.88 (2.99% repaid) | Closing Balance = £2,200 | Total Repaid to Date = £800 (26.67% repaid)
I will keep paying this off at £50 a month until I get a balance or money transfer offer, hopefully by July 2023 there will be a good offer in place. But I will see what can be cleared before any transfer takes place. 

Sky Mobile
Starting Balance = £792.06 | Amount Repaid = £32.87 (4.15% repaid) | Closing Balance = £759.19 | Total Repaid to Date = £246.84 (24.54% repaid)
This debt forms part of my monthly direct debit for my phone bill, and doesn't bother me. I just include it as it's still money that I owe. But it's nice to know that nearly 25% has been repaid so far.

Debt Free 2023 Target = £6,000
Amount Repaid = £1,741.62/£6,000 (29.03% cleared)

Debt Reflection vs Savings Focus

I am still focusing on savings until my unpaid parental leave is over, and I have some type of emergency fund in place, then I will split all surplus money and left over money in the weekly budget, to debt and savings equally.

Aside from my £2 savings jar which will be a really slow burn until the jar is full (and there's £116 in there so far and it's still very empty), I've consolidated my savings challenges. I'd rather complete one challenge than have a few on the go uncompleted. So I'm focussing all of my efforts on the penny challenge, which if completed will give me £670 as I pay a bonus of £2.05 on top of the standard £667.95, and this will also let me reach my target for the sealed pot challenge. I can then knock out two challenges in one, and if I complete the challenge before 26 October 2023, any spare change will still go in there and boost the sealed pot total.

My 3 savings goals have been adjusted to be kinder to myself as there was too much happening all at the same time and so I've decided to take the pressure.

 of myself trying to have 2 month's debt payments saved and have just decided on a target of £500 to act as a buffer and I'll see how much is needed and any surplus will go onto my MBNA card so that there is less needed for the balance/money transfer.

1. Noose PAD Pot (Phase 1) = £500/£500 (100% saved)
I changed this target from having 2 month's debt payments saved to just having a target of £500 to act as a buffer and I'll see how much is needed and any surplus will go onto my MBNA card so that there is less needed for the balance/money transfer.

2. Globetrotter Travel Fund = £95/£700 (13.57% saved)  ~ target date of 30 June 2023
This is my spending money for our trip to Turkey in July 2023, and will include any excursions, any additional clothes, toiletries etc that is needed. As my Noose PAD Pot is now fully funded due to moving money around, this will be my focus and I have the £95 in cash in my savings binder, so I will build this up over the next 3 months.

3. Emergency Fund with £123.254/£1,000 (10.37% saved) ~ target date of 31 December 2023
I have reduced the amount to the emergency fund from £100 to £50, as I am also paying into my Help to Save account and once I have completed the Travel Fund, I will increase it again. 

I've not been feeling mentally well and I think keeping things as simple as possible, will make all the difference as I concentrate on my wellbeing and a better work/life balance. Dealing with one thing at a time has already made me feel a lot better. As I am still making progress, but things are not as rigid as they once were.

Keedie

Sorry @badmemory I didn't see your message. I've told him a few times that it's just courtesy to let me know what is happening, but he seems to think that having the Life 360 app negates the need for contact, as I can see where he is anyway and he can see me. But his location (if I can be bothered to check it), doesn't tell me what time he's going to get home if he's running late. It'll sink in one day, I'll just have to keep telling him in the meantime...

I've paid the normal direct debit of £32.87 for our mobiles with Sky and put £4 in the £2 savings tin. I need to pay my parking fine tomorrow as well as my universal credit has come through and I've redone the budget to accomodate the unexpected expense for that and the broken MacBook.

I didn't want to use the emergency fund for either, as it would be all gone. But at least this should fingers crossed be the only month with random expenses. 

Keedie

I had an appointment with my GP today and she has signed me off for a further 2 months for work related stress. She wasn't very impressed by the things I've been putting up with and when I spoke to OH on Tuesday, he was similarly unimpressed. So it's reassuring to know that it is not all in my head...

There's a mental health practitioner attached to my GP, so I have been referred to see her on 17 April and she will help me to get mentally better and have a better routine and get into a position to return to work in a few months. Having enough of a break to just decompress and get better has been a weight lifted off my mind, instead of trying to get 2 week extensions.

I don't know how that impacts my parental leave though, so I need to get that sorted out as my sick leave occurs at the same time as my parental leave, so I am unsure how that will work out. I think the parental leave will kick in, but I'm not really sure, and the people to answer that question is my own team at work and I don't know how I feel about contacting them about this.

I've put £60 in my sinking funds and have £200 left for the month to live on for food as I also have to sort out my car this month as the MOT and service is due. I am tempted to try and do the MOT only and service it in a month or two. But I don't know if that's just inviting trouble?? I didn't really want to pay for it on Klarna with Halfords, but I didn't exactly get my act together in the last year, so I don't have a car maintenance fund. But I'll be starting one for next year.

I was talking with my friend, and she suggested that I just do the MOT and service as the car is 2008 and not exactly new, and do this on Klarna, and that I save at the same time for ongoing expenses. Not really sure about anything at the moment lol.

conkerlad

Is it due a major service or interim? Servicing can wait a couple of months for sure, interim services usually only top oil up, washer fluid fill, brake fluid water content check and coolant level check and then charge you £200 for that pleasure.

LittleMissDetermined

I am glad the GP has signed you off for a longer period @Keedie, it takes time to deal with work related stress and given the fact that they've not done anything to make your situation better it wouldn't do any good for you to return to work. 

In respect of the parental leave/sick leave, my instinct is that your sick leave will override it, you could call ACAS helpline 0300 123 1100 and see3 what their take is on the situation.  As you say, it's your colleagues who would know for certain so I would probably plan for the worst and hope for the best. 

Is there a benefit of formally cancelling your parental leave so you have the opportunity to take it later when your son has surgery? That would be a legitimate reason in my opinion.

I hope you do get the sick leave so you don't have to go short of funds.
LMD x

Makingabobor2

Sounds like the best thing to be signed off for longer. I agree with @LittleMissDetermined, I think the sick leave will override the parental leave.  I remember DH being off sick once and didn't get full pay, some holiday he had booked previously kicked in, but they said as he was off sick, he couldn't have it as holiday and had to continue on sick leave. I just think companies don't do anything to help their employees. The only place I ever worked that were really caring to their staff, was a day centre attached to a church. 
Anyway, hope you sort it out and get some rest and back to feeling better. x

LittleMissDetermined

@Keedie, I have spoken to my friend who is loaded with HR qualifications and they said that your sick note will over-ride the parental leave, the same as it would if you'd booked annual leave. 
I hope this helps 
LMD x

Keedie

It's been serviced before @conkerlad as I brought the car in 2021 and I serviced I did a major service within a week or so, as I realised the car had not been serviced since 2017 (the advert didn't say this, but we'd gone all the way to Essex to get the car and I was just tired of doing everything on foot so I still brought it and made the dealer reduce the price). Then I did a full service last year, so according to Halfords it's due another major service. My brother seems to think that their schedule is just their opinion to get you to pay for more expensive services...

Thank you so much for finding that out for me @LittleMissDetermined, and that is a weight off my mind, but I know that it won't be a simple process to cancel it as they like to make things difficult. I'd asked to go back to my normal working hours of 24 per week instead of the increased 28 per week which was a temporary measure. I was told that I'd agreed to a permanent change (which I never did! I just didn't have an end date as it was part of the new manager's transition period, but I had the option if it went well, to continue it or increase my hours further). Anyways, now that I am off sick, the director said that I can reduce my hours with immediate effect - but what's the point if I'm not even able to work at the moment?! So I think I'll speak to ACAS anyway on Tuesday, so that I know where I stand with that, as I don't see how I was trapped doing higher hours when I was working and now that I am on break due to stress, now they want to reduce it immediately. To me, it makes sense to reduce my hours with an effective date of when I am returning to work, as I will need to phase back into work anyway. I feel a bit suspicious that they're just trying to save money. But maybe I'm just a bit cynical??

I hadn't thought of the time off for my son's surgery LMD, but you're right that it makes sense now that the parental leave is being cancelled. My fit note goes up to 5 June 2023 and my parental leave ended on 15 June 2023, so I will definitely formally cancel the first few weeks of parental leave in line with my fit note, and the annual leave that I had booked beforehand. I'll speak to ACAS about that on Tuesday too. 

Did they give your husband back his annual leave @Makingabobor2? I think the nicest place that I've worked was my first job, as I was a concert usher for the classical music concerts at St. Martin's-in-the-Field in Trafalgar Square in central London. I got a paid a pittance, but it was so nice to hear different orchestras from all over the world and how they each had their own take sometimes on the same piece, like Vivaldi's Four Seasons sounded slightly different each time, but still recognisable if that makes any sense? I loved that job but there were only shifts when there were concerts, so I took a 5p pay cut and went to Sainsbury's as a cashier and worked lots more hours and frittered away my wages on buying CDs, food and stationary lol.

I think I'll try and go back to St. Martins to listen to something and see what is on at the South Bank Centre. I feel like I've been working so much and so hard and being taken advantage of, that I've had no energy to enjoy the things in life that I actually like, and things that relax me. I think of returning to work and keep getting tearful and I hate it, as it makes me feel so fed up, overwhelmed and frankly quite sh**ty.  So maybe, it's time to make some more lifestyle changes so that I have a better sense of self and value when I do return to work, so that it doesn't take over in the same way.

LittleMissDetermined

If I can add my 2-penneth, I may also be cynical but your employer is definitely offering to reduce your hours to save money, there's no other reason and I think it's pathetic. Do they really think that reducing your income will relieve any of the stress you're dealing with? Their offer is absolutely not to benefit you! Your situation does make me cross with your boss.

If you can, make a list of things to discuss with ACAS, they will be really helpful and should give you some clarity.

If you're looking to focus on reducing your stress by spending time on things you enjoy, make a list and try and do a couple a week. Mix it with things that are free (museums and galleries) and things which will cost money such as the concerts. 

Keedie

I'm glad that it's not just me @LittleMissDetermined.

I feel like they gaslight me so much that I've become very distrustful and paranoid about everything to do with work. I now have no clue what I am going to be paid this month and it has been making me anxious. I didn't respond to my director's email that he sent on Monday, as I had not been to OH yet (as that was Tuesday) and I knew my fit note would be extended once I had spoken to the GP. And seeing as he took a week to acknowledge my email, I thought I'd extend the same courtesy and respond to him when I know what it is that I want to say.

So I'll definitely call ACAS first thing on Tuesday morning, as I feel like they're to do all of these things to provoke/punish me, as before I went off sick, I became incredibly frustrated and vocal about everything bothering me and I don't think it was appreciated.

I like the idea of mixing free and paid events over the course of a week. The mental health practitioner is also a 'social prescriber', and so she'll apparently be able to help me with a routine and things that can get me out of the house etc. Because my son's knees are bad at the moment, he's stopped going to the gym, so I've cancelled that membership which was a whopping £28.99 a month, and once I know where I stand with my own pay over the coming months, I'll be able to take out a disabled membership with the local leisure centres for myself. That's £22.48 a month and is borough wide and will enable me to do things like pilates, yoga, swimming and light conditioning exercise classes to improve my strength as I get so tired so easily.

My FAME fibromyalgia class is run by physiotherapists and it makes me want to try more to improve my fitness, as we did some chair yoga and stretching using the resistance bands and that gave me a nice sense of achievement. And I was able to adapt it to my own capabilities. So I think trying to do an activity whilst my son it at college will give me something to do, as I have too much time to think at the moment and it's not in my favour.