The Mental Debt Struggle...

Keedie

I forgot to say that I've worked out a new budget based upon going back down to my normal working hours when I return to work. Once I've got the travel insurance sorted and my annual parking permit, I'll be able to focus on my other sinking funds and I've given myself a set amount to live on each week, and it seems doable, as I've got a better balance with debt repayments and savings, and I've set the budget at 90% of my total income, so that I start to build a contingency fund (separate from my emergency fund), so that I can start and end the month with my own version of an overdraft. 

I've overspent a bit since I've been unwell, so the new budget won't start until June 2023, as I'll need to get back on top of accumulating all sources of income throughout May 2023, as I wasn't too good with that in April. We've also had waaaay too much take aways because I've just been too wound up or depressed to cook anything. But I'm hoping that the things that I am putting in place will start to help, and I won't get too overwhelmed and I'll be able to re-establish some kind of routine at home. As soaring food prices and the cost of living is a bad combination for idle spending, so I need to get on top of that.

AntoMac

Good to hear from you Keedie, although not good to hear that times are tough for you. It does sound like there are a number of positives though, and you’re still on the right track. 

 My own imposter syndrome got a good outing the other day. Elderly neighbour was out knocking on his next door neighbour’s door but she was out. I asked him if anything was wrong and he said his power had gone off while he was making a cup of tea.
Now I don’t have a clue about electrics but I CAN make a cup of tea, so I made him a cup and took it over to him. I had a little play with his fuse box and got his power back on. I told him that I was just winging it but he wasn’t having any of it, and said I was so clever 
I guess the moral of the story is that those of us with imposter syndrome can only do our best, and often that’s enough! 

You ARE doing an amazing job Keedie so please remember to try and be kind to yourself and not to over exert yourself.

beanielou

Just be kind to yourself 

Keedie

Sounds like you did a great job @AntoMac, even if you were winging it 😁 (which we all are really). I'm definitely trying to focus on the positives at the moment, and being as kind to myself as possible @beanielou.

I've managed to tick another college application off the list. My eyes are stinging so I'm going to go to bed, as I'm off to East London tomorrow as my sister is helping to tutor my son and I'm straightening my niece's hair. Skillset swapsies 😂.

AntoMac

By the way Keedie, that’s a very bittersweet thing that your Dad passed at the same time as your Mum’s birthday. It is lovely that you got together and remembered him as well as celebrating your Mum’s special day. I personally think 3 years is still quite early in the grieving process, particularly as a lot of that pandemic time seems almost like lost time, and hardly felt real.
My Dad is long gone and whilst I think of him every day, it is only ever with happiness. The last of his brothers passed in 2021 and I really miss him still. I learned so much about kindness and humility from my Dad and his brothers, and I miss their values almost as much as I miss them.
What a great idea doing skillset swapsies with your sister. Sounds like it has the makings of one of those very special get togethers that we sometimes forget to appreciate. Have a great time

Humdinger1

@Keedie you are indeed doing a fantastic job.   Hard to see from the inside but it's loud as a factory whistle in your diary.  Love Humdinger xx 

Keedie

It is quite bittersweet @AntoMac, as I sometimes feel guilty for enjoying my mum's birthday, but we're starting to have more of a laugh on his anniversary as we remember the good times. My niece and my sister made a tribute video for his first year anniversary so I watch that sometimes as it has pictures of him and us as a family over the years. It's good that your dad and uncles were able to pass on such great values onto you. 

I'll definitely make the most of today, as I enjoy hanging out at my sister's and her kids are so funny even though they don't realise that they are.

Thanks @Humdinger1, I've not heard of that expression before, but the sentiment is much appreciated. 

Most of my family are going on holiday to Gran Canaria in the October half term and I've been so tempted to go as well, but I keep looking at the finances and it's not really coming together. As all the teenage boys are going, I felt bad for my son (although I know he's got Turkey in July), and I was trying to make it work or thinking of how I could send him with them to cut costs. But he told me he's not really fussed, as he's just so excited that he's leaving the country to go to Turkey as we've not been abroad since 2019 and it's such a big holiday we've got planned, that he doesn't need anything else. I could tell he felt a bit sad that they're all sharing an apartment and he won't be there, but he told me that his holiday with me means a lot to him and we can do something with everyone else another time, and that he'll be working soon enough and will be able to contribute. I don't know what contribution he thinks I'll be taking off him at his tender age of 16 😂 (he'll just have to sort out his own spending money) but it was nice to hear him saying these things, as it shows he's aware of everything that I'm doing and he appreciates it. He's also decided he needs to work out so that he can enjoy posing on the beach in Turkey, so one of my nephews who is aspiring to be a personal trainer has said that he'll help him put a programme together. So it looks like I'll be travelling with a little Mr Muscles 🤣🤣🤣.

LittleMissDetermined

Bless your son for being so grown up about it, even if he is a little disappointed not to be going in October. He's a reflection of how good a mum you are  

I'm sorry you've been having a hard time lately, sending you a big virtual hug. I can only echo what has already been said by others, you are stronger than you realise and you are doing amazingly well. 

I really enjoy cooking from scratch and turn to the slow cooker to substitute take aways. The cost of buying a slow cooker is less than a take away and it means you can batch cook and freeze it.  Cooking and preparing food is therapeutic for me and it means I know exactly what's in my meal. Worth a thought, there are lots of slow cooker recipes and forums online.  It also means I am prepping in the mornings when I have most energy, and it's all ready when I finish work and at the point of 'can't be bothered'
LMD x

Keedie

Thanks for the tip @LittleMissDetermined, I've been thinking of getting a slow cooker but I've no clue where to start and I don't have a lot of space in my flat as I have a galley kitchen. But I think if I move the perching stool (which I don't use that often) and I replace it with one that folds, then I can use some kind of trolley to hold things like the slow cooker and soup maker (which, yes is admittedly still in its box), when I am not using them. Found this in IKEA, but I'm sure there's other economical alternatives.


I think getting the hang of bulk cooking will make all the difference in terms of costing and nutrition as I often lack the motivation to really do anything and by the evenings, I'm in so much pain and so tired that I don't even know what to eat, let alone stand and cook something. I'll have a look at small slow cookers, and I need to buy some more glass storage containers as the plastic ones

He's been very mature about not going on the holiday in October, but I just can't justify the expense and besides he might be having knee surgery or recovering around that kind of time. I also realised that his 11-15 zip oyster card expires on 30 September 2023, so I'll have to buy him the 16-17 version which is £20 and then the tube is 50% of the adult fare. Based on the colleges that he's looking at, if he gets into them, he'll need a monthly travelcard which is £78.40 a month! I looked into the college bursaries and we don't qualify because my salary is above £16,190 a year, so I'll have to work out the budget for meals or additional food shopping for him to eat. I don't know why that never really occurred to me, but I definitely need to reduce my working hours when I go back to work, so that I can function properly, so I have to think about that some more.

I wasn't able to go to my sister's today which was a shame. The roads were all blocked approaching the Rotherhithe tunnel to get to east London and I was so confused. Then I realised via Google that it's the London marathon and the alternative route that my phone was showing me, was nearly 1 hour an 20 minutes and involved going through heavy traffic as the two closest bridges were closed. I didn't fancy spending 2.5 hours travelling across London so I just turned back home. It's a shame as I was looking forward to seeing them all, and they've been doing some renovations that I wanted to see. But hopefully I'll be able to see them next weekend.

WelshmansDaughter

Amazon basics have a good kitchen trolley which is easy to put together