The Mental Debt Struggle...

Keedie

I've paid £15 onto my MBNA card and put £2.89 in the penny challenge tin. It's so much nicer doing that challenge now that I am using the clear digital counting tin that my sister and her husband gave me for Christmas. I'm quite sad because I get really happy putting the coins in and seeing the counter doing its thing 😂.

I realised that there is no Barclaycard payment this month as it usually comes out at the end of the month, but for some reason it's coming out on 2 May 2023, so I think I'll do my monthly summary at some point tomorrow as I am out all day on Sunday for my sister's birthday. She wants to see the sea and so we're going to Camber Sands down in Rye (although I get the feeling it's gonna rain), and the boys are going to go laser tag in Ashford. Then we're doing some really awkward detour back to London via Strood to go to some Mexican restaurant! I'm going to be knackered on Monday... 🤦🏾‍♀️

And I can't even eat well at the moment, as I don't have much of an appetite and I can't really taste anything properly. I'm nearly able to tolerate 2 meals a day, but I feel so queasy when I eat, that I've just been put off food. This tends to happen when I'm extremely stressed or very mentally unwell. When my head starts working again and I get over this mental breakdown my love of food will come back. Until then, I just nibble at things. But at least it means I can have a cheap meal on Sunday as I'll be able to just have a starter and my son can pack away enough food for the two of us!

beanielou

Enjoy your day out.

Keedie

Thanks @beanielou. I've found that now that we're here, I'm looking forward to the day and seeing the kids happy. My sister is usually having some sort of crisis about getting older (don't ask), but this year she is very happy about it, so I guess that's maturity and gratitude for you. 

I've not been able to sleep properly so I've been up for over an hour and a half. I managed to make a packed lunch last night after doing a big shop at Lidl yesterday afternoon. My eldest sister was with me and her and my son carried the shopping up the stairs and I had some stuff in my rucksack so that I could keep my hands free to use the handrail to get up the stairs. 

I didn't get a chance to do my monthly summary as I had hoped yesterday, but as I've been up for ages, I figured I'd do it now. I've been thinking very long and hard about everything financial and my life in general since I've had this meltdown and I am definitely changing a few things. Some not so MSE, but mentally beneficial. And I've made peace with that.

Keedie

April 2023 Financial Summary

Starting Balance = £13,747.83 | Amount Repaid = £230.54 (1.04%) | Closing Balance = £13,517.29
Total Repaid to Date = £8,672.58 (39.10%)

Bank of Mum 3 (school fees)
Starting Balance = £3,100 | Amount Repaid = £50 (1.61% repaid) | Closing Balance = £3,050 | Total Repaid to Date= £1,750 (36.46% repaid)
I have decided to prioritise this debt, as although my mum has said that she doesn't mind how long it takes me to repay it, things have changed for me. I don't like being in debt and I don't like owing money to a pensioner and £50 a month just doesn't feel right. So I am increasing this to £100 a month from May 2023, and then once I've juggled some money and moved it all around between MBNA and Barclaycard (outlined below), and cleared Creation, I will increase the amount that I pay each month. So from November 2023, this will be £175 a month until December 2024 when it will be cleared a year earlier than anticipated. Any money I get from debt owed to me will be stockpiled in my Noose PAD Pot and I will make lump sum overpayments in the hope of clearing it by summer 2024. 

Barclaycard
Starting Balance = £7,200 | Amount Repaid = £0 (0% repaid) | Closing Balance = £7,200 | Total Repaid to Date = £2,387.80 (24.90% repaid)
My direct debit for Barclaycard is scheduled for 2 May 2023, I'm assuming it should have been at the end of the month but the dates fall on the bank holiday weekend so they're taking it late. It means no payment this month, but there will be 2 payments next month, so £500 will come out next month instead. I have a 0% balance transfer offer until 1 February 2025, and I'll utilise this offer either in May or June 2023 to transfer the balance from MBNA. Once all the transfers are complete, I'll have one monthly payment to make for a credit card. It won't reduce my monthly repayments, but it means that I'll have less creditors. The money transfer from MBNA (see below) will clear my 0% balance transfer on Barclaycard that ends on 1 February 2024 and then I will be able to use the direct debit over the coming 6/7 months to clear the 0% balance transfer that ends on 1 April 2024. The direct debit for the minimum payment will be around £288, but I will increase my fixed direct debit to £300 and let it do its thing in the background whilst I tackle my debt to my mum. Then I can go back to clearing Barclaycard.

Creation
Starting Balance = £488.64 | Amount Repaid = £72.67 (14.87% repaid) | Closing Balance = £415.97 | Total Repaid to Date = £654.03 (61.55% repaid)
This will be repaid by October 2023 when the agreement ends, and so this doesn't bother me as I am near the end of the agreement and I will snowball this debt rounded up from £72.67 to £75 and add it to my repayment to my mum from November 2023.

MBNA
Starting Balance = £2,200 | Amount Repaid = £75 (3.41% repaid) | Closing Balance = £2,125 | Total Repaid to Date = £875 (29.17% repaid)
I have requested a £4,000 money transfer at 0% for 15 months with a £200 transfer fee and hopefully that will clear and I will pay this onto my Barclaycard. Then use the Barclaycard balance transfer to clear my MBNA card. That will take me down to one credit card, and the money transfer will get rid of one of my 0% Barclaycard balance transfers. It means that I will incur transfer fees, which will lead to an increase in debt, but I've gone past caring. I'll be able to focus on less things, and although the £50 fixed direct debit I was paying for MBNA will be moved over to Barclaycard, so the amount that I pay for credit cards remains at £300, but I don't have to think about 3 lots of 0% interest transfers running out with no way of paying them before the end dates.

Sky Mobile
Starting Balance = £759.19 | Amount Repaid = £32.87 (4.33% repaid) | Closing Balance = £726.32 | Total Repaid to Date = £279.71 (27.80% repaid)
As this is part of my monthly bill I don't concern myself with this debt and as of March 2024 or April 2024 (I don't remember), the amount that I pay for each handset reduces slightly, so I'll put the difference between that lower amount and the normal £32.87 payment and make some lump sum payment every few months so that it finishes earlier. I might do some surveys to get rid of this as well, as I need to reduce my monthly bills for when I leave work. 

Debt Free 2023 Target = £6,000
Amount Repaid = £1,972.16/£6,000 (32.87% cleared)

Debt Reflection vs Savings Focus

I'm quite pleased with being 1/3 of the way through my £6,000 target for this year seeing as we're 1/3 of the way through the year as it means that I am on target. My balance at the end of the year will be higher than it was originally meant to be even if I hit my £6,000 target as there will be fees for moving the money around. But psychologically, this feels so much better!

2023 will still be the year of savings, and as I have fully funded my Globetrotter Travel Fund (£700 in there, but some is allocated to travel insurance), I have 3 other things to focus on.

1. Great British Summer = £0/£500 (0% saved) ~ target date of 10 August 2023
I want to enjoy the summer and my friend is coming over from America in August and being a tour guide isn't cheap. So I will save for this and if there is any money left over from our holiday spending money then I will roll it into this fund. I've set up a standing order for £50 a month and will work out the difference for this. The round ups pot on my Chase account will help to fund this and there's £182.46 in there at the moment and that will transfer into this pot in late June 2023. Any excursions booked will come out of this value, so the amount left by target date will be less than £500 if that makes any sense?

2. Emergency Fund = £137.28/£1,000 (13.73% saved) ~ target date of 31 December 2023
I'll be paying £50 a month until the GBS Fund has hit its target and then I will increase the amount paying into the emergency fund. 

3. Build a Buffer = £30.49/£500 (6.10% saved) ~ no target date but 31 December 2023 would be nice
This will be my equivalent of an overdraft, so that if something happens, I will use this fund and only if it's depleted would I use my emergency fund. The aim is to keep this balance at £500, so if I need to use it, I have to replenish it. I don't like going down to pennies in my account at the end of the month, and knowing that there is a buffer for the unexpected will help.

Keeping things simple and reducing the amount of things that I need to focus on will make a world of difference I think. And I have re-jigged the budget so that it works better for me, and moving things around and having a set weekly budget will help me I think. I'll trial it for a few months and see how it goes...

abaka

Keedie said:

Great to hear from you @abaka and to see you back on the forums! Your story has really settled something in me, so thank you very much. I think I've been trying to enforce my way of doing things on my son a bit too much, and I have a lot of anxieties about his future due to him being excluded and the struggles with his homeschooling. But I saw him today at the other open day we went to, for another college and he was calm, confident and weighing up his options, so I think he'll be just fine. He's got an interview next week for the college we visited today and he's really excited about it. I think going to open days is giving him the motivation to try harder. And since he has decided to do a Level 2 course instead of a Level 3 course, he's a lot happier. I think he needs to go through these hardships and uncertain times to build more resilience, and I'm probably not really helping him in the long run by always trying to 'rescue' or help him. And to be honest, I'm fairly burnt out by it all. So I've been taking more of a step back because I'm so tired, and as he's 16, he's quite ungrateful and entitled when the mood takes him.

No worries - I'm a very big advocate that the school system is not for everybody.  It's also changed very little as the world/technologies have changed so I firmly believe it's not fit for purpose in many ways.  Before I switched to my current job, I actually worked in the College that I went to when I was 16 and was always a massive advocate for the role that FE Colleges play in development of young people.  My story to many people will scream wasted years, but those years were definitely not wasted in my eyes as they were the years when I "grew up" and stopped working just to keep my parents off my back and working to actually achieve something!!  Ironically the qualifications I have obtained have not helped me with any of my jobs and everything in my career has been achieved through experience and hardwork.  However my workrate and determination was instilled in me in those 2 years so in many ways they were more fundamental than any other year.

I'm sure he'll get there but his route might not be the same as everybody else's!!

AntoMac

Hello Keedie,

Well done for keeping going during difficult times.

A couple of observations if I may? 

A possible way around paying 2 Balance Transfer fees. Does MBNA or Barclaycard offer a Money Transfer rather than a Balance Transfer? That would allow you to pay money into your Bank Account and then use that money to pay off your MBNA balance.
Can you be honest with your American visitor and let him know you are not awash with cash? Any good friend would understand that and perhaps manage their expectations accordingly.
Also, the next Bank of England Interest rate meeting takes place on May 11th. IF the base rate goes up again, the available deals for Balance/Money transfers MIGHT cost a bit more and/or not be as attractive. Appreciate that’s very much ifs, buts and maybes but it’s just something you might want to consider.
I applaud you prioritising repaying your mum but I know if it were me my mum would prefer me to throw more at the Balance Transfers/Emergency funds and I wouldn’t be surprised if your own mum thought the same.

Hope you have had some great family time and your sleep pattern improves and stress levels reduce.

Keedie

School is definitely outdated @abaka and not a one size fits all, but hopefully with more and more practical/vocational courses, apprentices and other routes, it'll be better a fit over time. I'm just eagerly waiting for this exam period to be over as I feel so drained by it all and I'm not even sitting the exams.

I'll be kind of stuck for fees anyways @AntoMac, as the money transfer I did from MBNA had a 5% fee which is the same as the balance transfer fee 🤷🏾‍♀️. I've received the £4,000 from MBNA and sent it to Barclaycard. Once it clears I'll do the balance transfer from MBNA to Barclaycard. If I used the money transfer to clear MBNA, I'd still have a balance on that card that needs clearing and I'd still have two balances on Barclaycard that are due within a few weeks of each other, that was totalling nearly £7,000. I dunno what's going to happen with the interest rates, but I'll make the most of the Barclaycard offer available to me and see what happens. Either way it'll all be repaid, I just want to have a balance on one card only. I don't mind the fees, as although it's not ideal, once the Barclaycard balance transfer goes through, I know that it'll be the last transfer as I'll just be able to keep chipping away at it until it's gone. Fingers crossed I'll get it done without paying too much interest. I just need to put that day off for a period of time and get myself sorted mentally so that I can tackle my finances better.

My mum doesn't understand why I am prioritising repaying her, but I know that she appreciates it nonetheless. I'm also doing it for me, as I need to draw a line under the sand with my son's education and the school fees etc. The quicker I can get rid of it, the better off I'll be financially and psychologically.

My £250 deferred direct debit from last month came out today as well money to my savings, with £50 to Help to Save, £25 to my son's savings and I cleared the Klarna payments of £70.14 that were due this month, aside from one which I will clear later in the week. Some of those payments are mine and some are my sisters, but once these payments are made, I won't be letting anyone else use my Klarna and I'll only use it in absolute emergencies.

I have a mental health course this afternoon with my Recovery College and I'm a bit anxious about it, but looking forward to it nonetheless. It's called Harnessing Emotional Contagion for Recovery. It's basically to help me recognise the impact my emotions have on others and theirs on me, and how to basically build emotional intelligence to help with wellbeing, self management and recovery. It's nice and free, but it's face to face and I'm taking the train there, but I have to leave with plenty of time as my back and hips are hurting from such a long day on Sunday (which was really nice to be by the sea and out of London). So I'm not looking forward to the travel as I feel weak, but I'm hoping that my pushing myself (without being too hard on myself), that I'll start to feel better. I managed to cook dinner yesterday and eat it. So that was a proud moment.

beanielou

Hope the course goes well.

Keedie

Thanks @beanielou it was very interesting, although I fell asleep during the first part as I was so tired. I ended up driving as I'd missed my train and luckily found a parking spot outside and could use my blue badge to park for free. But I was hot and sleepy so I was catching bits of the first part, but I woke up properly after a while when we had group discussions. It was definitely worth going.

I've done the balance transfer from MBNA to Barclaycard and that should hopefully all pull through. I've already increased my direct debit for Barclaycard and once it all clears, I'll cancel the direct debit for MBNA as there will be a nil balance. The two transfers cost me £383.42 of extra debt in transfer fees, but gives me 18 months to get my act together and clear as much as I can before the interest kicks in on 1 February 2025.

These are my last balance and money transfers. I just needed to give myself the mental breathing room to heal and have simplicity with my finances and as I'd never consider a consolidation loan, this was my happy medium.

I paid an extra £8.43 onto my Barclaycard as the balance wasn't even and it was annoying me 🤦🏾‍♀️😂. So once it clears and the balance transfer goes through, my balance will be £9,450. It's still a whopping number, but it means that I can focus on one credit card.

And my Creation debt for the mattresses will drop off in a few months and I can increase what I pay to my mum. My pot to build up extra amounts to pay to her has £35.64 in there. And I'll see what I can accumulate by 31 December 2023 to make a lump sum payment to her. I should be able to get £800 together by accumulating spare change and the money my siblings owe me.

But I will only make the lump sum payment if I have reached my £1,000 emergency funds goal. As the aim is to enter 2024 with savings and a few sinking funds in a better position than they are in now.

Not being able to sleep, eat or wash properly has really given me the confused clarity to start properly analysing my life and what could make it better. We only get one life and I've been squandering portions of mine, by doing things to always only make others happy, or not standing up for myself when I'm being exploited or taken advantage of.

I feel quite broken and overwhelmed, but I know that very slowly over time, things will get better. I can't actually visualise it properly as yet, but I know that in time it will come…

AntoMac

Glad you got some real benefit from your course Keedie.

When the BT has gone through that will be one less creditor. Well done - not everyone can get those 0 per cent transfers.

It's good that you KNOW better times will come. That's often difficult to see when things are a bit bleak.