The Mental Debt Struggle...

Chrystal

What a wonderful friend, and enjoy your care package as it's filled with love and looks as though it will give you many happy hours.  ((hugs)) XX

AntoMac

Wishing you better times Keedie. They will definitely come. How wonderfully kind and uplifting of your friend. 

Makingabobor2

Hope you are feeling a bit better. What a wonderful human your friend is, unlike your bosses, who sound like they need a good shake and a wake up call. I had a similar experience years ago and when I went to my managers in tears one day, saying I couldn't cope, one of them went off and came back with a little note book and told me if I made a "to do" list, I would be able to cope better!  Needless to say, I was off sick for the next few weeks and eventually left. Take care and feel better soon. x

Keedie

Thank you all for your well wishes, it really means a lot to me, and yes my friend is a wonderful human and I am really touched by my care package. It's very thoughtful and I have never had one before, and knowing that someone has taken time out of their own life to try and add a brighter light to my woes, is really touching... 

I'm sorry that you've had a similarly rough time in the past @Makingabobor2. It's really horrible when work is so bad isn't it? I think for me, I've felt trapped by their bad treatment, as I work in HR, and when HR is the problem - who do you really go to? I work in the team that is the first point of contact for HR support and queries for the rest of the organisation, yet we are so devalued it's a joke.

I'm working on my exit strategy, and that has made a big difference to facing the prospect of returning to work. I have a meeting with Occupational Health next week Tuesday and I'm looking forward to getting some support and to see their recommendations as to what the management team should be doing. I was told by my manager on Monday that they're interviewing this week or next week for a temp. Isn't it amazing how free flowing the resources are all of sudden, yet I was told there was no support for me, because they had no money for additional resources. Well, when that person is dealing with the work, I'll be in a position to think about going back. I sent an incredibly long email on Monday, along with a copy of my job description and pointed out the true scope of my work in relation to what I am expected to do. I detailed exactly why I am so stressed and all the things I have been struggling with, and how it's illogical to expect a whole stream of work to be dealt with by one disabled part time employee! My director has ignored my email and my manager called to reassure me that things are changing. We'll see...

It's been a crazy week in terms of unexpected expenses and it's kinda freaked me out a bit in terms of my finances. I got a parking fine on Monday when I my son to his hospital appointment, as I dropped him off and was rushing to park and walk back to meet him as we were a little late. Anyways, I stupidly got my timings all mixed up when using the timer clock on the blue badge and instead of setting it for 2.15, I glanced at the clock in my car and saw it was 14:13 and set it for 4.15 by accident. Well, you can't falsify the start times of your parking session (which I didn't I was just stressed and not focussed), and there goes £65 that I have to pay by next weekend or it goes up to £130!

Anyways, the appointment didn't go well as we found out he needs corrective sugery on both of knees. He's not very happy. His knees are always hurting and we knew that his kneecaps didn't form in the correct position, causing hypermobility, stiffness or weakness as his knees would give way sometimes. But he's had physio over the years, but a football injury last month just made everything worse. He said his pain level is a constant 2-4 on a 10 point pain scale and moving always hurts. But he's scared to have surgery and he's a bit overwhelmed by it all. He won't be able to bend his knee for 6 weeks and then he'll need a lot of physiotherapy. Then when the left knee has healed, he has to do it all all over again for the right knee. I feel really bad for him. But I knew it was coming, as he was offered the surgery a couple of years ago, but he freaked out and was adamant that he wanted to try physio as he was given those two options. But it's crunch time now and it's not great. We'll have to move to my mum's for his recovery as we have no lift and he won't be able to walk up stairs. 

Today, I have no clue what I did when I closed my Macbook but I've damaged the screen and it's got that weird inky bleeding thingy on the bottom left hand corner and lots of pixelated lines across the whole display! I nearly cried I was so distressed as I couldn't find the receipt email and I couldn't remember if I had Apple Care or not. Turns out I do, but that's another £79 for the excess fee that has cropped up this week unexpectedly to correct something that I've done without thinking properly. That just shows I'm not in my right frame of mind right now lol.

But, it's World Bipolar Day and I went to the online Bipolar UK conference today, and it was so so good. It was great hearing from different speakers about all aspects of dealing with bipolar, and the symptoms that are more taboo, and there were a few celebrity guest speakers like Frank Bruno. It put me in a much better mood, as all day, my Macbook was stressing me out (especially seeing as I've been too lazy recently to back it up or update the software - oops!), so I don't know if I will have lost anything on there when it gets repaired. That conference allowed me to forget all of that for 3 hours and just get engrossed in learning more about bipolar and not feeling so alone for once.

I promise I'm at the end of my rambling, but I brought a new desk via my business a couple of weeks ago and the box was taking up the hallway. My mum came over and helped me put it together, and it was so exciting to see it in the corner of my room, and to see my sanctuary taking place in general. I feel very excited by how creative it has made me feel, knowing that I have this big desk space where I can write, colour in and study for my courses that I need to career change. 

So the three negatives of the week (my son's surgery, the parking fine and the damaged Macbook), have been neutralised by three positives (my care package which also prompted me to buy some make up so I can start taking better care of myself, my new desk and the Bipolar UK conference). So I'll count that as a win. Yay!

beanielou

Always good to have positives 

LittleMissDetermined

I'm glad you've had those positives @Keedie, the £79 is far cheaper than a new Macbook! I don't close mine, it's on a laptop riser and I have a wireless keyboard and mouse. I only close it when I need it elsewhere than the office.  Now that you have your desk, something similar may work for you? It definitely saves neck ache. 

So sorry your son needs surgery, but it will be a short term pain for a better future in terms of pain and mobility. 

The Bipolar conference sounds great! I always find comfort in being with others in the same situation as me as it makes me feel more 'normal' and not out on a limb. 

Lots of love to you and take care
LMD 

Keedie

Yes having positives makes all the difference to how you experience things, so I'm trying to train myself to think more like this for everything. I'm hoping that it will become second nature after a while @beanielou.

The guy in the Apple store said that as the Macbook closes very tightly, if there's something as small a crumb there and it's in the way and then it's closed, the impact could damage the screen. Mine was a hairline crack that messed it all up. So I wasn't very impressed with all of this, but glad that it'll be £79 and not £408 to replace it, due to having Apple Care. But they didn't have the screen in stock so it has to be sent off for a repair and will take 10 business days to come back, so that kinda sucks. But at least it'll get sorted. 

I mainly use my Macbook whilst lying down in my bed, so a riser wouldn't work for me @LittleMissDetermined, but I do fantasise about getting an iMac after my debts are all gone, and that will be stationary on my desk, so that'll be safe. I just need to be more careful with it when it gets back. Your desk set up sounds really cool.

My son's accepted the fact that he'll have the surgery and he's not very happy, but I think as long as it doesn't interfere with his summer holidays he'll be happy lol. He was really sweet yesterday, he unloaded the washing machine and put everything out to dry and had removed my dried clothes from the hanging rail and folded them all and put them away for me! I didn't even need to ask him for anything. I dunno what's happened to him, but he seems to be very calm within himself, and he's gone back to the affectionate, snarkily intelligent and helpful child he always used to be. I'm getting glimpses of adult maturity which is quite nice to see...

I need to do my March spending summary, which I can't believe I forgot about. But I did have some PADs I need to declare, as I sent £100 to the emergency fund, £75 to the Noose PAD Pot, £50 to the Help to Save and £25 to my son's savings. 

I've turned my boiler to hot water only now, so that I can save money on heating as it's now April. My direct debit is still £125, but I'm hoping this will help me to build some credit for the upcoming winter as I reduce my consumption. I don't understand the changes in the energy price guarantee, or the rates etc. So I'm just sticking to the method of heating from October to March, as that's always helped me in the past. Obviously, if we get a cold snap, then I'll put it on as I can't afford to get cold as I get chilled to the bone and get ill. 

AntoMac

That’s quite a run of bad luck there Keedie. Good for you for finding some positives which isn’t always easy. I broke my tablet screen too last night 
Annoyed but only myself to blame. The thing is with your son he’ll be on the mend pretty quick once he’s had the surgery and follows up with the physio, but it’s very understandable how annoyed he is about the situation. 

Good news on his improved mood. Beware that random mood swings are often just around the corner. My own slightly older teen is incredibly hard work at the moment.
I believe it’s due to warm up quite a bit so that could well mean an extended break for the heating (fingers crossed)

Keedie

I'm sorry that you broke your tablet @AntoMac, it really sucks when these things happen doesn't it?

Ans yes, the teenagers and their changes are legendary. He's gone back to annoying me as he missed his curfew after going to a party last night and wasn't very apologetic and couldn't understand why I was worried that he got in late!

I've got an assessment with Occupational Health in the morning and I'm starting to feel a bit nervous. I'm not even sure why, but I have been struggling a bit, and I'm still quite anxious about returning to work. 

But on a financial standpoint, things seems to be getting better, as little savings are going up and the debts are slowly coming down. I'm getting a little better at cash budgeting as well. Gonna sit and sort out my March 2023 summary and post that in a minute.

badmemory

Keedie said:

Ans yes, the teenagers and their changes are legendary. He's gone back to annoying me as he missed his curfew after going to a party last night and wasn't very apologetic and couldn't understand why I was worried that he got in late!

Have you tried pulling the same on him?   I must have been about 21/22 when I tore a strip off my parents because they were 2 hours late coming home & hadn't let us know.  I told my DS that letting people you live with know if you are changing plans is just good manners & your relationship once they are over a certain age is irrelevant.  It is much easier these days because they can just send a very discrete text.  You can always text back telling him to get himself home.