The Mental Debt Struggle...

AntoMac

Brilliant news on the parental leave Keedie, and I also think extending your work end date is a sensible option. You’re doing all you can to plan for your time off so well done you.It is of course very difficult getting your son to understand the importance of knuckling down with his studies. Maybe your Mum could remind him too?

All you can do is keep encouraging him and setting the great example you are setting. None of us can control anyone’s behaviour but our own.
You are doing everything you can. Keep remembering to try to be kind to yourself

badmemory

I think that knowing that there is an end date which is not years in the future, even if later than you had hoped, will help relieve some of the stress.  As for the parental leave, if that is what you feel will help then that is what you need.  Working plus stressing plus running around is not a good idea.

LittleMissDetermined

Hi Keedie, great news on the parental leave being approved! I hope your son is aware of the sacrifices you make for him, I agree with @AntoMac that perhaps your mum could have some influence in getting him to see why he needs to get his head into studying.   Don't give any head space to what your siblings are saying, if you feel you need to take that time then it's your right to do it.

Don't feel stressed about that challenges either, they're not meant to tie you into something, but encourage you to save. We have all had experience of life getting in the way so just do what's right for you. 

As for the balance transfer, it might be worth checking an eligibility checker, but also on the Credit Karma credit score app, that's where I got my long deal on CC7 and I was pre-approved. No harm in looking

I hope you are managing to have a restful weekend, and as others have said, be kind to yourself
LMD xx

Crazycatlady2

That’s good news then. I don’t even know when my daughters exams are yet other than may/June time. I think there is a parents evening soon so maybe we know then 🤷‍♀️

as hubby is being made redundant in 2 weeks all our financial plans are on hold for now and eldest also failed his driving test so it’s been a stressful half term. Roll on Tuesday when I’ve planned a do nothing day on my own 😂

Keedie

There's been a breakthrough! 🎉

We actually sat down today and I showed him the timetable for his exams and we went through a rough overview of each subject and how he feels about each sub-topic and I managed to work out what order and importance he needs to give to his different subjects. He's adamant that he's not dropping any GCSEs and when I asked him why he's not been doing anything, he said he was waiting for me to do his timetable! 🙄 

He's now suddenly got enthusiasm and he'll be revising for his Physics mock exam on 1 March and his English Literature test this Thursday 23 February tomorrow and says he's going to actually watch his online lessons. He seems to be enthusiastic and I'm not looking a gift horse in the mouth and all of that. So I'll keep pushing him to study and we'll see where we end up. But it has made me feel less anxious about everything and he gave me a massive hug this evening as I was cooking his dinner and told me that he really loves me very much and said thank you for all that I do for him! 😳 I was very touched and a bit stunned, but I did appreciate it 💗.

The final exam timetables are published on the exam board's websites @Crazycatlady2. His online school shared the link to the Edexcel International GCSEs and then I looked up the Edexcel GCSE exams and the AQA exams as his 6 subjects cross 3 different exam boards. I was quite nervous that there would be a lot of clashes, but we've been lucky and they're spread out for the most part and he even has a week in the middle with no exams. If he was at mainstream school I wouldn't know anything at this stage or even think to look, but as he's homeschooled and is a private candidate for the online school, I've been forced to know way too much information and it's a proper headache. As is trying to get additional time for the exams and all of the evidence etc together. 

I'm very grateful that I've got the parental leave in place and I feel like some of the pressure has been lifted off of me. I've also made peace with my contingency end date @badmemory, so I'm not feeling too bad about it. I think giving myself permission to have a back up plan has ironically made me have less animosity towards work. As I see it as more of a means to an end than a prison. Still have no plans to be there this time next year, but it won't be a failing if I am. And as you say @AntoMac, I'm planning as much as I can, so that's something. 

I've decided to adapt my 52 week challenge @LittleMissDetermined and do a 25 envelope challenge instead and aim for a completion date in line with the sealed pot challenge being opened in October. That way, it is more achievable. I've done 6 envelopes so far, so that only leaves 19 more to fill over the next 8 months. I think despite all my enthusiasm, I've been putting a lot of pressure on myself, that is kinda unrealistic with my budget. I think scaling it back will help me to feel a better sense of achievement and I could really do with a win. I always save my £2 coins and my sister said I should track it as a challenge as it will help me to feel better about my savings as well. So I'm going to take her advice and make a tracker to put on my wardrobe with the other trackers. I think I'll aim for 25 coins by October, and that will add another £50 to my pot.

My sealed pot challenge is going well, and I can actually see that the coins are about 2 inches from the top of my tin. My son caught me giving it a good eye full through the slot yesterday and laughed at me for saying that I can see my money. Then he looked in it to humour me and was very impressed and ate humble pie and then brought his own tin into my room to put on my bookshelf and said he's going to start saving his change as well. He doesn't have a bank account at the moment as we had to close it as he was a victim of fraud and lost all of his allowance and was inconsolable. So he's doing everything with cash now, and he told me that he's not spending because he doesn't like to break his notes or hand it over - little frugal miser 😂. I was secretly proud but teased him all the same. He's desperate for his passport to come through, so that he can get a Monzo bank account as he sees me with my pots and wants to be able to manage his money better. I told him that he can have a cash binder as well when he's ready, and that can help him with his budgeting. He said as long as it's a red one, he'll be happy. I'm slowly conditioning him to MSE ways! 🤞🏾

LittleMissDetermined

I’m so pleased your son has found his enthusiasm to knuckle down and study. The fact that he doesn’t want to drop any subjects is a good sign that he wants to do as best he can for his future too.

Do what you need to with the challenges, they’re easily adaptable x

Keedie

Yes, I'm pleased that his self preservation is kicking in too. I've also finally got through to him about sitting a foundation science paper as he's out of his depth and it makes sense to focus on what makes his life easier, as he's not studying science again after GCSE. I just can't wait for it to all be over.

I worked out that the penny challenge at £667.95 and the £325 from the 25 envelope challenge would give me £992.95 which would be amazing and I'd be more than happy with that! Especially as I save my £2 coins and those coins are not included in either challenge. So I think adapting the challenges is definitely the way to go. I don't do the penny challenge daily, I just see what I've got left at the end of the week and then cross off the relevant numbers since I've restarted. I'm knocking the higher numbers out first. So I should come close enough to the target total hopefully.

I paid £50 to MBNA and £50 to my mum today on standing order and so those balances are being slowly reduced. I'm now at 10.54% of my £8,000 debt repayment goal for 2023, as I've paid off £843.41 since 1 January 2023. My brother gave me £10 and I've sent that to the Noose PAD Pot and that's now £154.62 so I'm pleased with that. 

I'm so sleepy today it's a bit embarssing as my eyes kept closing in our meeting this morning over Teams. Luckily I didn't have my camera on, but my attention span was noticeably lagging 🤦🏾‍♀️😂.

Keedie

I had a good therapy session yesterday and we've looking at being more assertive and saying 'no' to things and setting boundaries and how to reduce my anxieties. I told her that I stumbled upon the concept of Stoicism on YouTube and watched some really great videos on how to be more content with the life that we live. So with that in mind, I'm taking a lot of the pressure off myself in terms of how I handle my finances, and I'm more focused on what I need to live a better life. Whilst still focussing on what I need in the future.

I've been thinking long and hard about my savings and debt repayment plan for 2023, as well as my employment plans and what I want and need from life in general. And... I think I have finally found a solution to everything...

1. Moments of silence and daily walks - I have been trying to have 10-15 minutes in the morning in absolute silence before I start my day, which means no phone, no reading, and trying not to think too much in general. My thoughts are quite loud. My life is very hectic. But this gives me a chance to just be. And to improve my faitgue and pain, I'm aiming for a 5-10 minute slow walk a day, so that I get out of the flat and get fresh air. On my very low mobility days, I will sit on the balcony to get fresh air instead of trying to go down three flights of stairs to walk around.

2. Studying and personal development - I had to take some time off from my digital marketing course this week as I was becoming hypomanic and starting to feel unwell. But the time out made me realise that I just need to pace myself, so that I can actually enjoy the skills that I'm learning and that I don't have to have it all perfect the first time round. I've moved some modules around and will particpate in a way that's kinder to myself. Then when I've finished, I'll do my copywriting and proofreading and other courses. I will do a timetable of studying that is more realistic and spread over several months. I don't need to cram it all in before I finish work.

3. GCSE exams and parental leave - I am trying to step back more with my son's learning as I was getting too stressed. He's more enthusiastic and has had his lightbulb moment, but he's not doing all that he could. But he's a teenager and I can't do it all for him. I've given him the tools he needs, and from now on, I will give him a timetable for the week on a Sunday and check in with him to see how he's getting on, but I won't crowd him or stress myself. By the time I start parental leave in May 2023, I'm hoping that by giving him more autonomy whilst supporting him and taking a step back means that I am less likely to be mentally unwell when he needs me the most.

4. Debt repayment target reduced to £6,000 for 2023 - I will cut back my monthly repayments from £600 to £425 from March 2023, do the MBNA to Barclaycard balance transfer and then just focus on being able to cover my debt payments during parental leave and building up savings to cover debt repayments for a couple of months in 2024 when I first leave my job. I won't be making any big overpayments, but I will still be paying more than the minimum, so that my credit rating isn't impacted.

5. 2023 Cash budgeting and sinking funds - I've been getting better at cash budgeting and will continue to budget better, but I have more realistic categories now that allows me to have a better debt/life balance. I will be still using sinking funds to pay for things this year, like clothes, travel, birthdays, car maintenance etc. This will be part of my normal budget and the saving challenges will be for a larger sinking fund pot. But things like eating out, family fun and personal spending money is getting more prominence.

6. 2024 Sinking Fund Pot of £1,200 - this will consist of savings challenges that I am already doing, but I have changed what I am saving for. The £670 for the penny challenge will be done in October 2023 in line with the sealed pot challenge, and will pay for Christmas 2023. It won't all be used and the remainder will go towards my 2024 sinking pot fund, along with whatever I have saved on my £2 challenge (£110 target) and with the 25 week envelope challenge (£325 target). In December 2023, I will be able to see what I have saved and this will fund/kickstart the more demanding sinking funds in 2024 when my income will be sporadic. So it will be used for things like MOT and car service, birthdays and special occasions. 

7. New quitting end date of 28 June 2024 - In December 2023 I will review this year and set my targets for next year. I'll have a clearer picture of my debt and savings I'll be able to see what I need to have in place for me to leave work. By pushing back the end date to June 2024, I get 6 more months of earnings to put towards my savings to ensure that I have my debt payments covered and I will not have to rely on credit for anything as my income solely freelancing will be sporadic. I have made a self-referral to Occupational Health so that I can get some support and advice about how to manage my workload and the stress at work and the unequal workload and the pressures that I am under. Work is such a huge parr of our lives, that I need to make sure it's having the least impact on me. I'll also be happier unemployed in the summer rather than the winter, if I was to have left in December 2023. If I reach my targets earlier, then I'll happily quit before June 2024.

This all feels more doable, but I'll keep checking in with myself and see how it goes as times goes on...

LittleMissDetermined

I think it's sensible to keep reviewing your plans, especially as life changes from one minute to the next and we all have adjustments we have to make. I am envious of your silence time, I just can't seem to concentrate for that long without needing to do something.  

I hope you manage to have a restful weekend. 
LMD x

Makingabobor2

Sounds like a really good thought out plan. I'm sure the quiet time at the start of the day will help no end. I actually read an article the other day about how to prepare your morning, and this is the sort of thing they were advising. Think we can all learn a lot from that, its so easy to get out of bed and turn your phone on straight away and read the news etc and TBH, it does us no good at all.