The Mental Debt Struggle...

AntoMac

Keedie said:

You're all very right, I do put a lot of pressure on myself. My whole therapy session today was about setting boundaries and how to be kinder to myself and carve time out for me. Not something I am very good at. But I am more than willing to learn...

I think you illustrate a good point in the bit I’ve copied Keedie.

Your therapist has mentioned trying to be kinder to yourself.  In the very next sentence you say it’s not something that you are very good at…… Thereby immediately not being kind to yourself by putting yourself down!

How about recognising the great progress you have made. You managed to get your time away in Brighton and you have incorporated some of your son’s time at your Mum’s and not always at home with you. Both examples of you being kinder to yourself, so maybe give yourself a little bit of credit?
You can’t help looking out for others so being kinder to yourself isn’t always easy, but looking out for others isn’t exactly a bad character trait eh?

Like you I am my own worst critic, so I feel a bit of a hypocrite pointing these things out to you  I’m pretty good at ‘do as I say and not as I do’ 😐
Im sure part of you does recognise how far you’ve come and how well you’re doing.
The good thing about your vast HR knowledge is you know the rules, and your entitlement to 4 weeks of parental leave.

Keedie

AntoMac said:

Keedie said:

You're all very right, I do put a lot of pressure on myself. My whole therapy session today was about setting boundaries and how to be kinder to myself and carve time out for me. Not something I am very good at. But I am more than willing to learn...

I think you illustrate a good point in the bit I’ve copied Keedie.

Your therapist has mentioned trying to be kinder to yourself.  In the very next sentence you say it’s not something that you are very good at…… Thereby immediately not being kind to yourself by putting yourself down!

You're very right @AntoMac! And I don't even realise that I am doing it 🤦🏾‍♀️. I have quite negative self talk and I definitely need to make a change there. I am going to Suffolk this weekend to see my friends and I am really looking forward to it. I'm tempted to go for the whole weekend, but I think that would be too tiring in some senses as I've not made proper plans to do that. But you're right, I have come a long way.

The time away from my son with him being at my mum's has fallen by the wayside since the new year, as he wanted to have the first week back at college at home. And then my sister has been staying at my mum's as she had a carbon monoxide leak, so there hasn't really been space for him. But I'd like it to restart once things are back to normal. I'm not sure where he's going to sleep this weekend, aside from the folding bed, but he'll be with his cousins so I hope he won't moan too much 😂.

And yes, knowing my rights in terms of parental leave, and a good heart to heart conversation with my sister today gave me the confidence to push back. It's very poor planning on my employer's side that they don't have adequate resources to deal with payroll queries, but that is not my responsibility. My health and that of my son has to come first. They've got 4 months to figure out what they're doing in my absence. I'm required to give 28 days notice and I've given nearly 4 months. I don't think I'm being unreasonable. I stumbled across this on Reddit (as you do), and it really resonated with me.

Very cathartic and therapeutic to look at life like this... I need to make a sustainable change. I only have one life as me (although I do believe in reincarnation), and this is another quote that I have reprinted to go on my bedroom wall. I'm tired of hitting burn out over and over again, and being overly accommodating.

Keedie

Another payment today of £50 to the Bank of Mum for the school fees. So I'm at £210.54/£8,000 (2.63%) of my yearly target.

Having an annual target is definitely reassuring so I'm very glad that I joined the Debt Free Before Xmas 23 thread, run by the lovely @shell16. It's so encouraging to set a target and see everyone inching towards their goals as well. I think that thread and the Payment a Day thread will be the two challenges that get me over finish line to being debt free.

I need to buy two more belated Christmas presents today for my friend's kids so that I can see them tomorrow and have everything with me. I don't fancy wrapping presents tonight but I don't have a choice, as I can't give it to them as it is. There'll be some unhappy kids if they have nothing to unwrap! 😂

My preliminary meeting with the digital marketing course people is today and I'm a bit nervous. I've been offered the place on the course but it is a lot to juggle with work. But i'm excited as they'll teach me how to build a website.

Makingabobor2

My nephew learnt how to build websites. He is doing very well for himself now, so its definitely a skill that will be useful in the future. I'm sure you'll do well and fit it all in. 

Keedie

Yes that's what I'm hoping @Makingabobor2, that the skills will help me to do these things for myself and with the courses that I am doing, I will be able to have a diverse freelance income, because I will know how it all works. 

Crazycatlady2

Love the quotes above 

to add to stress DD has split with boyfriend but she ok and her interview at sixth firm went well but she changed a subject she originally wanted 🤷‍♀️ kids eh 😂

Sarahwithlove

I hope you get the parental leave at the time you want. Like you said they have 4 months to sort out what they are going to do 

Keedie

Glad the interview went well @Crazycatlady2 but shame about the boyfriend split 🫣. Hopefully it doesn’t throw her off course. 

Yes fingers crossed the parental leave gets approved @Sarahwithlove. My manager responded to my email and said she’d raise it with the Deputy Director. She thanked me for “explaining” my reasons. Which were exactly the same points I’d raised in our meeting! But I guess the points have to be acknowledged when it’s put in writing… 🙄. 

I managed to put £19.50 in my sealed pot and was all excited. Then I realised that I could have put £19 in the #19 envelope of the 52 Week Envelope Challenge. Oh well. I need to remember it next time. 

Sarahwithlove

Always better to do it in writing as then it has to be acknowledged and you know they have seen it. 

Keedie

Definitely @Sarahwithlove. But she pretended that she had no knowledge of why I had asked in the first place that irked me.

But the main thing is that I've put it in writing and hopefully they won't be very difficult. Especially as the work that they've lumbered me with, that they don't know how they'll cope in my absence, is not even in the revised job description that they gave me! 🤬

We'll just see how it all goes...