The Mental Debt Struggle...

Keedie

Aww @AntoMac, @Humdinger1 and @LittleMissDetermined, you've brought tears to my eyes. You're all so lovely and supportive. I don't know what I'd do without this support and cheerleading, you're all brilliant. I don't think I do anything special, and I often feel like a crap mum, but I keep trying. That's the best I can do.

My brother gave me some money today, so I put that in my PAD Pot and it currently stands at £34.22. Very slowly but surely it will get there. I need £800-£1,200 set aside to cover my debt payment. Based on my debt repayments for June and July 2023. If I reduce everything to just above the minimum payments for those months, it will be £400 a month, if I have saved enough, then I will pay up to my current £600 a month. We'll see where we are in May once I have been paid. But I've set my target at £1,200 and I should get most of that from freelancing, selling a few things, and generally being more frugal and organised with my meals as it's groceries and quick meals/eating out that messes me up every month. 

I started an online 30 day creative writing bootcamp today. I'm hoping to get back to my creative self as that part of me hasn't been able to materialise let alone flourish since life just went sideways last May. I'm hoping to get back to writing my book and this should kickstart things. I have another online writing course taking place on 26 January for 6 weeks so that will help me as well.

I've also been accepted onto a free 12 week digital marketing course that will be invaluable in helping me to set up my copywriting website and blog. So I'm starting that on 6 February 2023 and that's all online, so it will run in the background whilst I work and then I can re-watch the recordings. So it's all busy in terms of studying, but as they're creative things that will help me in terms of my book and the direction that I will be taking my freelance work, I'm really happy. 

I just need to get work to a point where it's not so hectic, so that it is easier to manage everything. I've decided that I will be doing more for myself this year. And it will be hard work, but ultimately, it will be worth it.

LittleMissDetermined

You and your son can be study-buddies for a while then   I think the courses will be just what you need to get you back into your book and help you focus on the end-game which is your copywriting. 

Is it just work that's hectic? If it's outside of work can you take a step back from the situation and see what might ease it for you? 
LMD x

Keedie

Yea lol we can be study buddies. He's floundering and not on top of anything, so I need to help him with a revision timetable. And do a plan for myself as well. I think on a Friday, it would be good to leave the house and for us to study together somewhere.

I'm glad that I have the courses to focus on so that I have something for myself. And keeping an eye on the prize with my copywriting is making all the difference. The writing course is the one that means the most to me though. As I have not been able to be creative in any sense since May 2022, and therefore being able to write made me so happy and to get positive feedback really helped to boost my confidence as well.

Work is very hectic, but the new Team Leader started yesterday and is doing a transition into the team and I am briefing her on everything, so that should hopefully help things to settle down. But she was horrified when I asked for 6 weeks unpaid leave! She couldn't envision what they would do without me. But I pointed out, that was a knee jerk reaction to us not utilising our resources properly and that there was plenty of time before I'd be off to make sure that we were running things more efficiently and that some of the work we do, was moved out of our team as it doesn't belong there in the first place. But I think I'm going to have to go back to the drawing board with unpaid leave request and the dates that I want to take off... 😩.

Keedie

What a day. My brain is so absolutely fried!

I'm trying to get things sorted for my son to get extra time in his exams, I'm so frazzled as there's so much admin to do for private exam candidates that have additional needs. And I still need to apply for colleges. I'm very overwhelmed with it all and I'm so so tired.

I've had a headache for weeks now and thought it was my eyes but I went to Specsavers the other week and they said that my prescription hasn't even changed. So I don't need to change my glasses, and so my headaches have nothing to do with my eyes. I think it might be stress. But I'm so tired, I don't remember to book an appointment at the doctors. So I'll have to set an alarm to do so tomorrow.

My new temporary driving licence came today in the post. I felt a bit sad when I saw it as it has a 1 year restriction and I'll have to start the whole medical renewal process again in 9 months time. But I was relieved that I didn't get fined or lose my licence altogether. But it has made me a little paranoid about my driving and my bipolar. As I feel under pressure (probably all self inflicted) to stay very well over the coming months so that I can 'pass' the medical review and have my licence extended for another year. 

But at least I paid £32.33 to Klarna for my new car battery from Halfords and have just one more payment to go. And I've been looking at more YouTube budgeting videos and ones for cash stuffing. And they're inspiring me. I'm going to be working on the cash stuffing properly next month, and getting my budget into a better place.

I've been at a bit of a loss financially, as I'm trying to make plans, but without knowing what is happening at work and my unpaid leave, it's making it difficult. As the 6 weeks request was more or less laughably rejected, I've decided that I will have the work most of that first week, and then start the unpaid from 15 May 2023 to 15 June 2023. This then seems less as it's a month off, but it spans a 5 week period, so hopefully it will go through. I'll have to have another chat with my manager and explain it all again to her properly. I think she was so taken aback by the prospect of me running off for 6 weeks that she didn't fully comprehend what the time was needed for. If it's a hard no, then I really don't know what I'd do. It's causing me a lot of stress.

beanielou

Can you take even the day before & the day of each exam off?
JUst putting it out there for you too think about.

Keedie

I'd have to take 17 days off work to do that @beanielou. I did think of taking the day before and each day, but then I wouldn't have enough annual leave. And I've already booked time off for our holiday in July and I want to be able to take my leave as I need it throughout the year.

There's a break week between his exams in the week commencing 29 May 2023, so maybe I can work in the mornings that week and have the afternoons off so that I can still help him, but it will be more likely to be accepted as two blocks of two weeks off. I've requested one week off in May the week that the exams start and requested the afternoons off for that last week in May. So that I can go back to her with a compromise and see what happens.

They owe me time as well, but I'm meant to use that up soon and can't store it up for months on end. But I'll speak to them and see if I can take time back when she fully transitions to our team, as I'm very exhausted.

Keedie

I've paid 2.01% off my £8,000 debt repayment target for 2023, as I've paid my first reduced direct debit of £50 to MBNA.

Having a set target for 2023 is better psychologically than trying to clear it all with no real plan. I started 2023 with £15,500 debt outstanding, so if I reach my target on 31/12/2023 I will have £7,500 as my balance to take into 2024.If I reach my target I'll only have Barclaycard, the school fees and Sky Mobile left to pay as I'd have cleared MBNA and my Creation.

I'm trying to work out my savings goals as they're a bit pie in the sky at the moment. The only one I have so far, is to end the year with an emergency fund of £1,000. I've got a few savings challenges that I'm doing and that will help with my plans:

• The penny challenge is for Christmas 2023 and towards birthday gifts in 2024 (£667.95)
• The 52 envelope challenge is for unemployment fund (£1,378)
• The sealed pot challenge has no purpose at present (target of £500)

Things at work are set to get worse from what I can see, so I will be working out what I can do to save as much as I can so that I can leave. I don't think I can make it to summer 2024 or December 2024, even if I was to change job role. So I need to have a think about how I will manage moving forward. 

I've been masking for the longest time, but I am just not mentally or physically well. Once my son is settled at college, I will be able to take a step back and concentrate on myself.I think having a break in employment to look forward to, will make all the difference. I just need to plan it so that I can handle no employed income. It's a scary thought, but I'm hoping I can get the odd bits of freelance work to help me, and then I will temp after a couple of months whilst I look for a part time job. I feel better giving myself permission to get out of a toxic situation, instead of always trying to play it safe. As sometimes, safety is just a trap and I'm tired of living half a life. And never having any money anyways.

Crazycatlady2

Hope you doing ok

you seem to put a lot of pressure on yourself if you don’t mind me saying so

exams coming up and changes at work are very stressful so I hope you can get though it all ok

we have sons driving test, daughters exams this year and trying to get her to decide plan for September and atm my husband has s job change coming up as being made redundant 😢 

hope you don’t mind me saying but just wondering if you would feel less pressure financially if the phone didn’t get included in your debts….when we get phones on a pay monthly package I just lump them in with direct debits as no interest to pay and they run for set time…hope that make sense and you don’t mind me butting in 

take care x 

AntoMac

I think that’s a good way of thinking about the phone contract @Crazycatlady2
I THINK (might be wrong) that Keedie includes it as a reminder of an unwise purchase during. Moment of weakness, but I agree it would be better to lump it in with the direct debits.
One question @Keedie , if this is your HR job then surely your bosses, of all people, should seriously consider your request? I would have thought a big part of HR was the well-being side for the individuals concerned. Surely you deserve the respect of it being properly considered and a measured response given? 

Keedie

Wow you do have a lot going on @Crazycatlady2! I hope you all get through the big life changes okay ❤️. 

In terms of everything I'm juggling, I'll be okay. I just need to be kinder to myself and trying to work and take care of my son during the stress of that time and protect my own mental health is just too much. I've rescinded my request for unpaid leave and asked for unpaid parental leave at the maximum 4 week block instead. That cannot legally be refused. It can be postponed but not refused and I'm giving way more than the legally required 28 days notice. And yes @AntoMac, this is my HR job where I'm getting the run around. HR is always hypocritical. We make and enforce rules and never follow them ourselves. They want us to burn ourselves out to support the business, but we are not properly taken care of. But if it was a employment case that they received, they would be all over the manager 🙄.

October will be 16 years in HR and I truly hate it. And I don't want to work for this university anymore. It has lots of perks but I need to spread my wings. I need a fresh start for 2024 and I owe it to myself to leave and give myself permission to do things differently. My old manager tried to headhunt me for a job at her new workplace. But I wasn't interested as it's a Payroll Assistant and I want nothing to with HR and the commute would be worse and full time the salary is lower than what I get now. So not worth it. But a confidence boost to know that I'll be able to find work when I run off from this place.

You're all very right, I do put a lot of pressure on myself. My whole therapy session today was about setting boundaries and how to be kinder to myself and carve time out for me. Not something I am very good at. But I am more than willing to learn...

I see our phone payments as a debt that is incorporated into a bill. I don't have any intention of overpaying on it, unless everything else is all cleared up and the phones haven't been paid in full at that point in time. As it's attached to my Sky bill, it just comes out with that direct debit from my Monzo bills pot and I track it because I still owe the money, but the debt repayments of £600 is for the other debts. So I guess I only just realised that I'm really paying £632.87 when I take into account the £32.87 phone payment. And yep, it's included because I could have dealt with those phones differently and I need to be mindful of how long it takes to pay off the phone so that I do things differently next time. 

Well at least that oversight with the £32.87 towards Sky Mobile every month means that I've got even less of a stretch to meet my £8,000 target of debt clearance this year. As I calculated it all along as 12 x £600 = £7,200 with £800 extra to find over the course of the year. But really it's £7,594.44 with £405.56 extra to find, so that's a nice bonus for getting my maths wrong 😂. That's an average of £33.80 a month which I've been able to do whilst PADding for some months so who knows, it could all work out in the end 🤗.