The Mental Debt Struggle...

beanielou

Oh & to add my DS is now grown up & could not give a toss whether I leave him 50p, a house or nothing.

badmemory

As Beanie says definitely swings & roundabouts.  I do know that if I had been paying rent I wouldn't have even been able to retire when I did (at 66.5)  when my state pension age was 60 (yes I'm that old).  I certainly wouldn't have been able to afford to run a car.  Back then they could insist you retired at a certain age although they messed up & forgot to tell me, then someone went on maternaity leave , then they decided not to come back, then her replacement was so bad I got to stay on.  They even paid for her replacement to stay in a hotel for a few days so I could train him but I could tell he wasn't even listening to me.  After all what could a northerner teach a southerner.  Yes there is the chip on the shoulder!  It could have been what can an older woman teach a man half her age, but that would just be a different chip.

LittleMissDetermined

What your mum is doing for you and your siblings is a wonderful thing and it will certainly give you peace of mind and the freedom to move to your dream job.  I think in terms of the merits of owning vs renting it makes a big difference depending on where you want to buy. I am in Yorkshire and you can easily buy a nice house for under £200k but I imagine that amount would get you hardly anywhere in London or Brighton. Then there's the maintenance which you would be responsible for. 
At the end of the day, only you can make the decision and it's not one you need to make just yet as it will take a while for the sale to go through. 

Hope you're doing OK with everything and keeping warm. I'm a little jealous of your snow, we don't have any at all
LMD x

Keedie

Thank you all for your advice, support, and different perspectives, I really do appreciate it.

I've not been mentally feeling 100% in the last few days. My mind has been a bit all over the place, but I have been having a long hard think about things and I spoke with my brother and told him that the conversation we had the other day freaked me out and made me feel like my progress wasn't seen as enough, as there was all that talk that if the house was sold and the proceeds distributed that each person with their share, had to make sure that it was "worth it". That kinda rubbed me up the wrong way and he said that it bothered him too, but he will do what he wants to with his share, and he's definitely buying, so he'll decide what makes it "worth it".

I've decided that I'm just going to continue with my plan and leave the potential life change as a hypothetical and just enjoy life. You're spot on @Sun_Addict. The best legacy that I can leave my son is happy memories and a life well lived. My dad didn't have much, but we have great memories about him and his eccentricities. So thank you for reminding me of this. And for reminding me that I need to set up a funeral plan! I finally got life insurance this year after being rejected so many times because of my health conditions

And yes, I consider myself told @AntoMac! And no, I never thought I'd be in a position where I am paying for my son's education @Debsnewbudget, or be in the position that I'm in. His dad doesn't do anything whatsoever, he hasn't made any real effort to help or be there from the beginning, and I no longer talk to him as he's very emotionally manipulative and abusive and he was always affecting my self esteem. Life is very hard, and I'm always tired, in pain or battling a mood disturbance, but I am trying to have a balance. I've told my siblings individually that what I want for myself may not align with what they think would be best, and I may well regret my decision later in life, when I'm still renting, but I don't see that being the case. But it would be nice to know at some point I don't have to pay for housing @beanielou, as I see my mum mortgage free and the freedom this gives her, but realistically, I will be dependent on whatever savings I have when I'm at retirement age and whatever form of assistance is available at that time. I don't know if things like housing benefit etc will continue, everything always seems to be changing...

It is a lot of responsibility to be a homeowner, but I can imagine the freedom it brings when things are working out well is great. So I am sorry that your dining room was raining @JustAboutThere, that sounds very stressful! I hope it all gets properly sorted with the cracks as well. It's good that your house has given you security as you have gotten older badmemory, and that new colleague you had sounds awfully condescending. He probably got a shock when he started the role and realised what invaluable advice you were giving him and he didn't take advantage of it. Silly man. And yes, the housing market has a massive impact on my decision not to try and be a homeowner @LittleMissDetermined - London is ludicrously expensive! There's a 2 bed flat in my block of flats which sold for £412k a few years ago! I don't have the ability to buy any property worth £350k to £750k, which the range for 2/3 bed flats/houses where I live depending on what you're looking for. I would have to move very far from London to be able to afford anywhere by myself and I don't want to be too far from my mum as she is the only parent I have left and I also don't want to uproot myself. I may not see my family that often, and it's likely my SLS and brother will be moving further out of London so won't be nearby in a few years, but I don't want to feel cut off and have to many changes to deal with. As it always leaves me mentally unwell when too much happens at once.

As I'm a council tenant, I have an assured lifetime tenancy @badmemory, unless I get evicted for anti-social behaviour (not remotely likely), they knock down my block of flats and move us elsewhere (also not very likely), or I get evicted for rent arrears (highly likely as I'm very paranoid about paying my bills but you never know what might happen in life). My son can also 'inherit' my tenancy by way of succession, or I can assign it to him and he becomes the tenant and I become the occupant. The only thing with that, is that he succeeds the tenancy they would assess his needs at that time and if he's a single person, he wouldn't be eligible for a 2 bed flat and so they would house him in a one bed. But that all depends on whether or not he remains at home, if he moves on, then he's not eligible for either, as he won't be an active occupant of the flat. But we can cross that bridge when we come to it. I don't think he's sticking around as he keeps telling me he's going to uni outside of London and he'll "be off". I think when the reality of the cost of being an adult hits him, he'll be grateful that he has something to come to 😂. Besides, I can always homeswap and move further out or to somewhere with a lift as I get older and find the stairs even harder to deal with, so nothing is set in stone. 

I'm definitely going to continue with my plan @enthusiasticsaver, and see the money, if and when it happens as a buffer and a bonus and a way for me to have that safety net in the future. Thinking of my health limitations, both mental and physical, having a safety net and the ability to live my best life, without the financial stress I'm under at the moment is the best outcome. As the stress does take a toll on me.

I saw this last night and thought it's very true. I just think it's down to us as individuals to define what that freedom looks like, and I know that beating to my own drum will allow me to breathe a little easier.

peb

Don't forget the Housing Act 1985 don't know how long you've been a tenant nor if you'd want to stay there for another five years but the discount may be worth while.  Overheads on LA flats aren't usually as bad as in the private sector and the LA is obliged to offer staged payments of any considerable amounts.

Keedie

Oh yeah, I completely disregarded right to buy as I've never been able to afford it and it seemed like a lot of hassle. My next door neighbour brought hers with her husband and sister, and the fact that it needed 3 of them to do it even with a discount (currently £116k), just made it all the more unattainable. But I guess it's worth considering...

When I get my debts all squared away and I'm in a better habit of saving and budgeting, I'll assess where I am with my finances, health and if that sale of the property comes into fruition, and take it from there. My son keeps asking if we're going to buy our flat, but I stopped being interested in that being an option when I got sick and had to drop to part time work. 

I've been looking into the Help to Save scheme that the government has, and I've been playing around with the budget to see if I can pay the maximum £50 a month into the scheme. It's looking likely if I let go of some of my over zealous debt repayments, and I can take advantage of the free money that comes with Help to Save after the 2 and 4 year periods end. The £50 a month for 4 years will give me £2,400 and as I don't plan to touch it, I should get the maximum bonus of £1,200 too, so £3,600 is a lot of money and not to be sniffed at. You have to create an account by September 2023 before the scheme closes, so I think once I clear MBNA in June/July 2023 rather than plough all of the money into a snowball for Barclaycard, I can set some aside to save. I'll have had my holiday to Turkey out of the way by then, and I will be able to redo my budget once that's all sorted.

I still save my £5 notes and I've put another one aside, and if it's not needed by the end of the month, then I will put it in the sealed pot.

Makingabobor2

Never heard of the Help to Save scheme, must look into it. Sounds interesting

Edited to say, I just looked it up and we wouldn't qualify. No point me reading up on it then....lol.  But a great idea for people who do qualify.  Hope it works for you

Keedie

It's very good, here's the government info @Makingabobor2, https://www.gov.uk/get-help-savings-low-income and here's the better explained MSE version, https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/savings/help-to-save/.

Makingabobor2

Keedie said:

It's very good, here's the government info @Makingabobor2, https://www.gov.uk/get-help-savings-low-income and here's the better explained MSE version, https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/savings/help-to-save/.

Think we must have cross posted there when I edited my post....

Keedie

Makingabobor2 said:

Keedie said:

It's very good, here's the government info @Makingabobor2, https://www.gov.uk/get-help-savings-low-income and here's the better explained MSE version, https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/savings/help-to-save/.

Think we must have cross posted there when I edited my post....

Oh yes we did, sorry! Maybe still save but find something with a good rate if you lock it away for a period of time? I don't know much at all about premium bonds, but my friend was saying that they're amazing (it was just too much words to read about it so I can't say either way).