The Mental Debt Struggle...

Keedie

Thanks @Sarahwithlove, I also think option 4 gives me the best of both worlds. I'll definitely be asking for a job evaluation as my job description in no way reflects what I am expected to do, and I think getting that squared away will help Phase One of The Great Escape and help me get to the end of 2023 in my current job.

Sarahwithlove

Keedie said:

Thanks @Sarahwithlove, I also think option 4 gives me the best of both worlds. I'll definitely be asking for a job evaluation as my job description in no way reflects what I am expected to do, and I think getting that squared away will help Phase One of The Great Escape and help me get to the end of 2023 in my current job.

its amazing how much difference a bit of recognition can make. I had been looking for a new job over the summer and wasnt quiet about it at work as wanted them to know I wasnt happy but then suddenly these new positions became available at work which I went for and got and now I am much happier in my role and got a small payrise.

Keedie

That's excellent news @Sarahwithlove and congratulations!

Recognition makes such a big difference. I'm glad that they saw your worth and you were able to get another role with a payrise and you're much happier. We spend so much of our time at work, that if it doesn't leave us fulfilled it really has such a knock on effect on everything else...

I think we owe it to ourselves to always make the best of the situation we're in, but sometimes if it feels like too much then moving on is the next best option. It's good that you were able to get a fresh start where you're appreciated and didn't have to learn how to adapt to a whole new organisation's culture is commendable. I'm terrified of changing jobs and having to start all over again as I don't do well with change. But feeling trapped in my current job makes me motivated enough to break free.

Sarahwithlove

You have to do what's best for you and sometimes that's jumping ship. Its not always the case the better the devil you know, as they are still a devil and you may find something you thoroughly enjoy. Worst case scenario you don't like it and have to look for something else again, even if its a job that doesn't pay as well as a lot can be said for the importance of mental health as well as physical.  

AntoMac

When your son has lived as long as me Keedie he will realise that England men's football ALWAYS ends in disappointment. I remember being totally devastated after Italia 90 - Now it comes as no surprise.

Keedie

I 100% agree @Sarahwithlove - mental health is very important and my job is really stressful and unfulfilling. So I'm definitely going to be brave and leave, as you're right, I can always change job again if it doesn't work out...

And once the debts are paid, I can enjoy life better and have more freedom over what I am doing work wise and with my freelancing and being more creative. I'm looking forward to having a new chapter.

Keedie

AntoMac said:

When your son has lived as long as me Keedie he will realise that England men's football ALWAYS ends in disappointment. I remember being totally devastated after Italia 90 - Now it comes as no surprise.

Oh dear Lord I laughed out loud at this @AntoMac! I think this is the World Cup he'll always remember as there's been so many shock exits and wins. He was convinced England would be in the final, I had no such hope, but went along for the ride as he was really animated and excited about the possibilities and wanted to hang out with me on a Saturday night. So I took that for the win that it was 😂.

He's already fantasising about everything being redeemed for England in the 2026 World Cup - he's still holding onto that youthful optimism... 

AntoMac

You seem to getting every unexpected expense covered now Keedie. Well done you. Better to have more than enough set aside for your tax bill than not enough. 

By the way, there are Euro championships in 2024 and every 4 years, so the ‘optimism of youth’ events are every 2 years rather than every 4. My daughter is 19 now and I think the penny is finally starting to drop. It's not just me being a grumpy old man (although that’s a factor  ) when I try to manage her expectations. I think these disappointments teach them good life lessons. I still love football and have followed my local team all over the country but life experience has taught me there are way more important things than football. I am far from a Rod Stewart fan but I do his think his song title ‘I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger’ is absolutely spot on. 

Keedie

Yes definitely better to have more than enough than frantically trying to find it all, especially as it's not exactly a surprise or secret that there will be tax due. So I really need to get on top of it. I did have some tax money set aside, but when my son finished his online school and we went to Blackpool, that's how I paid for our hotel etc. So I think the £2,500 target will be about right in terms of what I would have set aside had I never touched the money. Because I got the exam fees paid finally, that meant that I can concentrate on other things.

Yes he's looking forward to the Euros @AntoMac, but he's still a bit salty about losing yesterday and has vowed to boycott the final if France is in it 🙄. Then changed his mind when he said that he wants Messi to thrash Mbappe if it's Argentina vs France. So I guess he's getting over it lol. I told him and his cousins to put their order in, and I'll get some snacks etc and they can all watch the final at my house. So that's appeased them all I guess. And yes, I think the disappointments do help them with good life lessons, and the shock exits from this World Cup just shows that anything can happen in life and to take nothing as a given. 

If I could have a word with my younger self, there's so many lessons and pearls of wisdom that I would bestow upon her. They say "in youth we learn, in age, we understand" and it's so so true!

I've had an odd day, but a good one, very long, but a good day nonetheless. Sorry for the rambling. We had a family meeting about my mum's second property and she has agreed to sell it in a couple of years and is gifting me and my siblings an equal share of the proceeds! I feel very overwhelmed by all of this. I was ambivalent about her selling, and I've found helping her to be a landlord stressful, but I never thought she'd sell. And I was okay with that.

It's an incredible gesture, and my South London Sister (SLS) and my brother both want to buy somewhere ASAP and will use that as their deposit. So they're very keen. I've always accepted that I'll never own anywhere, and will remain a council tenant and I've been happy with that, but felt sad that I had nothing to pass onto my son. But fantasised about clearing my debts and saving to help him if he wanted to buy one day. But now there's a possibility that my share will be around £75-100k and I feel very freaked out!

It'll be great to not have to worry every night about my finances. But I still plan to clear my debts on my own merit and I don't know what I'd do with that kind of money. I don't think I can mentally handle the pressure and responsibility of a mortgage. Or the obligation to work to maintain one, irrespective of how mentally or physically ill that I might become. But I feel like that's what's expected, as they were all going on about now I can buy somewhere. But I like where I live even though I struggle with all the stairs. My son's happy here and has hinted that I can even move out and live in Brighton like I'd always wanted, as I get on in years and he'll raise his kids here lol.

I don't know if I am just creating problems where there isn't any, and it's an incredible golden opportunity, and I feel foolish for being scared of the potential life changing opportunity. I don't know what's wrong with me... 🤦🏾‍♀️. I don't want to seem ungrateful, because I'm not. But that wasn't in my plan and now I feel like by acknowledging that I am happy to still rent, work part time and just take life as it comes and try and work on my books and freelance, that I'm somehow failing some adult test by not being a homeowner?? 

I don't know why I'm so stressed. But I feel almost like I had turned a corner in making plans with repaying my debts and the options for my job and exit strategy, and I was in a good place. But now that there's a possibility to do something else, something that always felt out of reach, the simple live I envisioned for myself, somehow doesn't measure up. And as stupid as it sounds, as I know I'm very lucky, but I feel a bit cheated out of my dream. As I now feel a bit paranoid, that by not going with the status quo, I'm not gifting my son a proper legacy.

My SLS and brother kept telling me to get my finances in order so that I'm mortgageable and that I'm not getting any younger (they're both older than me), and that I don't want to leave it too late as they're up against the clock. And I just felt really scared and freaked out. I ended up going home with a headache and feeling a bit dejected. Like my outlook and efforts weren't up to scratch... 🥺.

Keedie

But... then it snowed! ❄️❄️❄️

And my son and I went for a nice walk up to the local park and saw lots of adults rediscovering their inner child and making snowmen ⛄️ and having snow fights and we had one of our own when we got back onto the estate. My aim is atrocious 🤦🏾‍♀️🤣. 

The view from my kitchen window 


I hope they put the ducks somewhere safe as the pond was half frozen...


The paddling pool looks like an ice rink ⛸️


We found a 'love seat' tree branch


And this panoramic one is my favourite