The Mental Debt Struggle...

Sun_Addict

What a lovely gesture from your mum. You don’t need to rush into any decisions about buying a house just yet, the money will still be there for you whenever you’re ready. You don’t need material possessions to leave a legacy for your son, the legacy you’ll leave are memories of a fantastic mum who loved him very much. My mum left very little when she passed, just enough to cover her funeral and a few other bits but she left me with memories of a wonderful mum and that’s enough for me. 

The snow looks beautiful, we had a few fine flakes here that’s all.

AntoMac

They are some lovely photos Keedie. We woke up to it yesterday morning and it’s largely gone now so we’re left with slippery pavements. My daughter went out very early Sunday morning (about 4am which is past even YOUR bedtime  ) and made a TikTok which she was pleased with as it proved popular - I don’t understand what’s so good about TikTok by the way. That’s something age hasn’t taught me.
What a wonderful gesture from your Mum. The financial gift will make such a difference to you.
Now, time for a gentle telling off…….
You believe in and demonstrate kindness to everyone. You are actively promoting and working on being kinder to yourself. You then go on to mention feeling like some kind of failure for not having a mortgage. The finger wagging is starting to build some momentum already 
How about the example you have shown your son? You have given him unconditional love and support. You battle constant pain and never give up. You have gone into debt for HIS education. His father appears to have given little or no financial or moral support so you’ve had to battle as a single parent. I’m sure your siblings have only love and good intentions for you, and would not realise their advice to get on the property ladder is causing you some anguish. Their circumstances are different to your circumstances. Your son knows how much you do for him and I’m sure he values your love and support way ahead of anything you might or might not leave him some day.
You are not a failure in any way. Consider yourself told! 

Debsnewbudget

Well said Antomac
the money might or might not come in a couple of years…….. stop worrying about it now.
carry on with your plans, get debt free and into your new career.
THEN you are allowed to work out what you want to do with any extra money.  You out of everyone knows how things change. Think back to 3 years ago, did you even think about the schooling problems? 

So just park the thoughts and deal with them as and when, but dont let it derail your plans.
you do such a wonderful job managing everything 

AntoMac

I didn’t see the post from @Sun_Addict
Said what I wanted to say but much more succinctly! 

James_single

Yes once it’s paid any temptation to use it in other ways is taken away. Of course, it’s gonna sting a bit though. Just recently I joined Prolifically and started taking surveys.

Based on the (many) profile questions I got one in French and it was beautifully worded as I didn't need to Google translate any of it! Other than that, it's just another small income stream. 

JustAboutThere

Keedie said:

Yes he's looking forward to the Euros @AntoMac, but he's still a bit salty about losing yesterday and has vowed to boycott the final if France is in it 🙄. Then changed his mind when he said that he wants Messi to thrash Mbappe if it's Argentina vs France. So I guess he's getting over it lol. I told him and his cousins to put their order in, and I'll get some snacks etc and they can all watch the final at my house. So that's appeased them all I guess. And yes, I think the disappointments do help them with good life lessons, and the shock exits from this World Cup just shows that anything can happen in life and to take nothing as a given. 

I joked with someone last week that "England always lose with penalties"  That's either through a penalty shootout, missed a penalty or had a penalty awarded against them.  Didn't think they'd actually make that statement so true quite so quickly.  Oh well...  Hopefully your son will manage to enjoy what's left of the tournament.

Keedie said:

I don't know if I am just creating problems where there isn't any, and it's an incredible golden opportunity, and I feel foolish for being scared of the potential life changing opportunity. I don't know what's wrong with me... 🤦🏾‍♀️. I don't want to seem ungrateful, because I'm not. But that wasn't in my plan and now I feel like by acknowledging that I am happy to still rent, work part time and just take life as it comes and try and work on my books and freelance, that I'm somehow failing some adult test by not being a homeowner?? 

I don't know why I'm so stressed. But I feel almost like I had turned a corner in making plans with repaying my debts and the options for my job and exit strategy, and I was in a good place. But now that there's a possibility to do something else, something that always felt out of reach, the simple live I envisioned for myself, somehow doesn't measure up. And as stupid as it sounds, as I know I'm very lucky, but I feel a bit cheated out of my dream. As I now feel a bit paranoid, that by not going with the status quo, I'm not gifting my son a proper legacy.

My SLS and brother kept telling me to get my finances in order so that I'm mortgageable and that I'm not getting any younger (they're both older than me), and that I don't want to leave it too late as they're up against the clock. And I just felt really scared and freaked out. I ended up going home with a headache and feeling a bit dejected. Like my outlook and efforts weren't up to scratch... 🥺.

Perhaps you had the mindset that you'd finally got a plan - which looks like it's working beautifully, by the way - and then this lovely gesture by your Mum gets thrown into the mix.  Look, it won't even happen for what, two years?  Your plan should be coming to the end of it's present form by then.  Just think of the money as a safety net that can perhaps take a little more pressure off you.  But you've worked through all these challenges and you should be so proud of yourself.  I certainly am

As for being a homeowner, it's not all it's cracked up to be.  Maybe that's just 'cos my place has cracks all over the place.  Add into the mix it was 'raining' in my dining room the other night.  The upstairs neighbours had overflowed the bath!  Good thing I was sitting there, otherwise my work laptop and mobile phone were in danger of getting wet as they were almost directly below the drips.   

JustAboutThere

Forgot to say - gorgeous photos of the snow. 

badmemory

I think that the worst thing about renting is not knowing how long it will be before you have to move, although renting from the council should reduce that risk.  The worst thing about owing is it is ALL down to you.  Unfortunately from time to time the proverbial can hit the fan & like all things always does at the worst possible time.

beanielou

One of the upsides to owning is that once your mortgage is paid then np more DD payment!
As @badmemory says the downside is that it is all down to you!
Swings & roundabouts like so many things.

enthusiasticsaver

Fantastic photos.  The snow scenes are just beautiful.  Sadly we don't have any down here in the little corner of the south west we live in. 

It is an incredible offer from your mum and take your time to decide what to do.  In the meantime I would continue with your efforts to reduce the debt as that is something just done by you. Whatever you decide to do with the money owning or renting a property is not what defines you as a success.  You have shown yourself to be a great mum supporting her son in sometimes difficult situations.  Money has nothing to do with that. However having that buffer will make life easier for  you especially as you have health issues.