The Mental Debt Struggle...

Sun_Addict

That sounds like a better option to me. What a shame to have to leave a job where the people are great but the role isn’t. I don’t suppose you have any influence on shaping the role? 

LittleMissDetermined

Option 4 is definitely a winner in my book @Keedie, it should give you everything you need to be able to quit and do what you love at the end of 2024
LMD xx

runningrafan

Good luck at your appointment today Keedie, let us know how you get on! I agree, option 4 sounds good to me otherwise option 3 is the safest bet to get those debts gone and you won’t be worrying about them

badmemory

I too believe options 3 or 4 would be best.  I think if you left work (unless you really need to obviously) whilst still having debts then it would increase your stress levels & that is something we can all do without.  Nice that your sister gave you some good input too.

Keedie

Hi everyone. I think option 4 is definitely the way to go and it's given me a renewed outlook and hope for the future. I went out for a joint leaving dinner this evening and it was so nice. I really do work with some lovely people. So I will definitely try to make the role my own and shape what I can @Sun_Addict over the coming year. I'm going to get my job description evaluated as well, as I think that is a large part of my frustrations. I'm on a shared job description, yet I do a completely different role to everyone else and the expectation and demands on me is different. So I'd rather have my own job description that reflects what I do, as I think that will ease some of the stress and bitterness that I currently have. If they're serious about making changes and they come to fruition and I'm actually acknowledged for what I do, then I can go for option 3 as it is less stress (I find job applications and job hunting very anxiety inducing and the stress has led to hypomanic or depressive episodes in the past).

But the thought of having a fresh start doing something new, where I can have a fresh start for that final year, is the ultimate goal if I'm being honest. So in my heart I want option 4. As you like you said @LittleMissDetermined, it's a winner. And yes @badmemory, you're completely right, voluntarily leaving a job with debts would increase my stress levels. It's hard because the job causes me so much stress, but not having that stability would probably be my undoing. And I really can't afford to unravel.

My appointment went very well @runningrafan thank you, even though I was 30 minutes late and all flustered because I completely misjudged my journey and had trouble getting onto a bus as they were all full and I needed to jump on the tube and got all confused about different exits and underestimated the amount of walking to change tube lines etc. I met with a psychologist and a physiotherapist who separately assessed me to see if I was suitable for the intense residential treatment programme. I was so excited as they've offered a place for me on the waiting list and I also agreed to go on the standby list, so that if a cancellation comes up last minute I'll take it 🤗.

The treatment programme is very intense, and you have to live in the hospital for 3 nights and 4 days a week for 3 weeks in a row! It's essentially a course to teach you how to accept living with chronic pain and how to manage your lifestyle so that you are able to have a better quality of life. It's from 9am to 5pm Monday to Thursday, with a multidisciplinary approach with sessions led by nurses, psychologists, physiotherapists and occupational therapists. So I'll arrive on a Monday morning and then sleep in a shared flat/hotel on the hospital premises, where I will have my own room but share a bathroom and kitchen facilities 3 other course participants. The hospital will provide breakfast and lunch, but we'll sort out our own dinner in the evenings. Then I'll go home on a Thursday after the course has finished, but I can leave my stuff in my room for the weekend and then return the following week. 

As my son stays with my mum a couple of days a week to help with his hybrid learning, he'll simply stay there an extra night so that side of things is okay. I told him before I went for my appointment to keep his fingers crossed that I'll get offered a place and he was rooting for me until he realised that I was going away to get treatment. His face was a little sour after that 😂. But he said that he really hopes that I get a place on the course before we go to Turkey so that I can have a better holiday experience. Bless him.

I told my managers today that I will have to go to an in-patient treatment programme and I'm on a standby list and I'll take whatever date I am offered. They were quite understanding, but no one seemed to know how my time off would be treated, but I'm sure as hell not taking it as annual leave. We get reasonable paid time off for medical appointments, but they've not come across a scenario like mine so couldn't say off the top of their heads if it would be counted as sick leave. I am assuming so, as it's medical treatment, but they seem to equate long term absence with surgery etc. But I have no qualms about getting a fit note to cover me for the duration of the time that I am receiving treatment, and as previous sickness has been over a year, I won't go into half sick pay. So that's a very privileged bonus. And I'm very grateful if that's how it's treated, as I won't have to worry about my pay being affected. I am very excited, but nervous in case it all becomes too overwhelming and I have a nasty flare up due to burning out. So I'll have to bear that in mind. But I'm looking forward to not being home and having some dedicated time out to work on my health and wellbeing. You can put a price on that.

AntoMac

The treatment programme sounds really good Keedie. It’s also a real indicator of how much pain you have had to put up with. Huge credit to you that you continue to drive forwards with such determination and success, despite your almost constant discomfort and your mental challenges. 

beanielou

Good news on the programme 

Keedie

Thank you @AntoMac, that's really kind of you to say. Life is a constant struggle, but I think we have a duty to ourselves to try and live our best lives, in the context of whatever hand we have been dealt with. I'm hoping that this course will give me the tools to try and live my best life. My world has become rather small as I make so many accommodations for my physical and mental health, that I've become trapped in a rut and I have a limited comfort zone. So I'm hoping to learn how to safely push boundaries without hitting burn out and having bad flare ups.

I'm very excited about the programme @beanielou! And I'm so very grateful that such programmes exist and that they're on the NHS. I have a feeling that it will be life changing and that has left me giddy with excitement 🤗.

I've been slacking a bit with my PADding, but I put £5 in the sealed pot this evening so that's something. One of my friends that I met online through playing Words With Friends is coming to England from upstate New York in August 2023 and it's his first time in the UK so he's super excited. I'm going to have to start a Great British Summer 2023 pot, so that I can do all the sightseeing stuff when he comes over, and fingers crossed I'll have the tools/skills to be able to manage my pain and energy levels so that I can keep up with a week of traipsing around London with my rollator 😂. It's a good incentive to try and get fitter and be able to be more active without constantly being scared of the repercussions or the pain waiting for me the next day. Yes I'm disabled and have many limitations, but I feel like I've boxed myself into a corner and even though I feel like I have a mountain to climb, I'm determined to live by this...

Sarahwithlove

Thats great news about the residential stay, fingers crossed it comes up soon for you. I think option 4 is a great idea, best of both worlds for you and hopefully give you less stress. 

Keedie

Oh England... ⚽️ 🥺

That was a tense quarter final and my son was getting himself all wound up! I even shelled out silly money on Uber Eats McD's so that we could watch the match together. It was a nice bonding session though. And I finished my bottle of wine cos I was clueless as to what was going on (I still don't understand football despite years of watching my son play in all weather). I made the mistake of saying I hope there's penalties (as that's the only bit I like) and that was met with a bit of a glare - oops!

Got some freelancing money come through today, so I put £317.50 into my tax pot. There's £460.31 in there now, and my original target was £1,000 which would mean that I'm at 46.03% saved. But I've decided to change the target to £2,500 so that I have that solid amount saved by the time I get my P60 in May 2023, and then I can work out how much I've got left to save to pay my 2022/23 tax bill once I do my self assessment by January 2024. So now it's 

I figured that as I've had a work bonus, a cost of living payment and I have now had a payrise and increased my hours, my employed earnings are going to be higher on this tax year's P60. And my self assessment tax liability is based upon employed and self-employed earnings. So it makes more sense to save more towards this bill than keep getting sidetracked with credit card debt, as my tax bill is also a debt, I just don't know how much I owe as yet.