The Mental Debt Struggle...

Keedie

I've paid my normal direct debit of £275 to Barclaycard. That balance still makes me nervous as it's the highest. But I close my eyes and make the monthly payments knowing that over time, my fixed direct debit will be much higher than the minimum payment. At the moment, the minimum is £266.38, so it's a smidgen over, but figured it'll look better over time. As this time next year, the minimum payment will be around £150.

At least my PAD Pot is looking rather flush with £47.33 in there, and I'm on top of my penny challenge and I've paid up to the end of this month, so that when I sit down to do my December budget on Wednesday, I know where I stand with everything. I've got most of the Christmas presents already and I'll be bargain hunting for the rest. Hopefully by splitting the present buying over November and December, it will make December's budget stretch further as there's so many Christmas meals and get togethers that I need to find money for, and I've not been mentally well enough to do much freelancing so there's that.

I'm a bit peeved with curious cats as they keep moving the goalpost for me to cash out and reducing the amount and now they've blocked my account all together. In the last week I've had hardly any surveys, or they time out and I don't get the 2 points or they freeze and glitch and I have to manually end the survey and fill in the form to explain why it can't continue. I sent them an email as instructed in the app, but I think once it's unlocked and I get the £4.59 sitting there, I'll call it a day. It's a shame, as some of the surveys were quite good, but it's becoming more hassle than it's worth.

Makingabobor2

I'm also finding CCs not too good lately. I used to always be able to cash out just over £1 a day. Now I've been sat on under £1 for 3 days. And like you say, either don't get any at all, or get screened out.  Wonder if there is a problem with their app at the moment? It seemed ok until last Monday when they started giving bonus points for Black Friday. 

Keedie

I got the bonus points for Black Friday @Makingabobor2, but ever since I enabled location sharing whilst using the app, it's just been glitchy and then I completed one or two and never got the points. If they reinstate my profile I can claim what they owe me, but they keep moving the goal post and putting random dates and restrictions. Once it's all claimed, I'll cut my losses.

Keedie

Today has been such a long day. Another manager told us last week that she's leaving! So we've lost our Head of Service and two managers within an 8 month period... and the work is starting to really pile in. I was so shattered after work today, and my pain levels have not been as reduced as I had hoped following last week's lidocaine infusion. But the success rate was 41%. I was just really hoping to be in that 41%!

But I feel really weak, sore and disheartened today, so I'm lying down with my electric blanket on my bed. I'm so glad that I kept topping up my Octopus account as although I'm really conscious of how much electricity I'm using up, I'm not paranoid about it. I have to do a meter reading on 1 December and I'll see the damage, hopefully it's not too bad. I have £521.15 credit, and I finally figured out why Octopus was holding onto my money. They sent me an email last week stating that based on my usage and maintaining a good balance etc my direct debit should be £183 per month. But with the government rebate credit of £66 they had raised my direct debt to £115 to cover the difference and to prevent falling into arrears. Clearly they don't look at the actual account balance when they're setting their direct debits. I just changed it right back to £100, but finally understood why they would only return £14. Still seems a bit odd though. I asked for a smart meter and got told that they don't do them in my area for now, so that's on the back burner.

My brain fog isn't my friend today and I got really cross with myself, because I kept getting lost in a conversation with my South London Sister and my basic maths skills just flew out of my head. It's really not good, as I deal with payroll queries for a living and although I hate my job, I need to at least be able to rationalise things. I got very confused with what day it is today and what I've got to do this week and I'm a bit lost. Hoping I'll feel better when I get up. 

AntoMac

Here’s to a much better day for you today Keedie.
unfortunately bad days don’t tend to come with advance warning. Good that you have the credit built up on your energy account. That’s a big positive and is a result of your advanced planning. 

The regular discomfort must be very wearing. Is it too early to know whether the lidocaine will have any effect? 

Keedie

Thanks @AntoMac. I'm feeling better than I was yesterday, although I woke up around 03:40 and couldn't go back to sleep until around 06:30 so I was a bit frazzled at work today. 

I think, since I've lowered my expectations about the lidocaine infusion being a wonder drug and have actually analysed my pain levels, it is lower. Not as low as I had hoped for as I am still in a lot of pain, but definitely more manageable. So that's something I should be grateful for. I think considering that the success rate is 41%, I shouldn't grumble as I have had some relief, it's just not brought me back to my good baseline. But as I have been declining for years, it was unrealistic to expect that anyway. So with that new mindset, I'm much happier than I was yesterday and my balance is a bit better as I am not hobbling around as much. I still feel extremely exhausted, but it wasn't meant to manage fatigue so that's to be expected. 

My PAD Pot is coming along nicely, as it's sitting at £49.23/£50 (98.46%), so it should hit the target for the first time since I've started, and that will be £50 extra to MBNA. Yippee.

Sun_Addict

Glad you’re feeling more positive today. It must be so draining to be in constant pain, no wonder you feel exhausted.

Keedie

Thanks @Sun_Addict. I'm trying to feel better mentally as the pain is constant, but it is hard. I've not been feeling too well as I'm stressed, but I am trying to get things sorted with my medical bookings and I have my first of 6 therapy sessions for my bipolar tomorrow, so I am glad that this is finally in place.

I had my physio this afternoon and it was a bit embarrassing how limited my range of movement is and my inability to stretch or bend over. But she said she'll send me some exercises for me to complete at home and she'll put me on the referral list for the fibromyalgia group and so hopefully that will come through soon.

I had a meeting with my main client today and he's officially signed with the HR Consultancy that I recommended! So they'll now have 24/7 HR, employment law, compliance and health and safety advice and support. I no longer have the sole responsibility of his HR department on my shoulders. And I am no longer out of my mental depth with that responsibility. I'll still be heavily involved in the transition to the new service, but I feel so relieved that it is no longer for me to work everything out. Or to burn myself out. It's a very freeing feeling, and I'm super excited!

JustAboutThere

I'm also finding CCs not too good lately. I used to always be able to cash out just over £1 a day. Now I've been sat on under £1 for 3 days. And like you say, either don't get any at all, or get screened out.  Wonder if there is a problem with their app at the moment? It seemed ok until last Monday when they started giving bonus points for Black Friday. 

Years when I was doing surveys, I was only 5p away from cashing out - and I think cash-out value was £50. 

Up until that point, I'd receive multiple survey notifications each day - although I was screened out of some.

When I only had that 5p to get, the offers died out completely and for about 3-4 days, I had absolutely nothing.

After that time, I'd had enough and emailed the contact person(s) and said I thought it was a bit suspicious that nothing was coming my way.  The Customer Service person credited my account with the 5p, I cashed out and then I think I deleted that account.

Hopefully you'll manage to get to the cash-out point soon.

Take care of yourself.

AntoMac

How was your first therapy Keedie? All the hard work and planning that you have been putting in must have helped to some extent, in that you are doing everything you can to control those things that are within your control?

How are things working out with your son at your Mum’s?