The Mental Debt Struggle...

Sun_Addict

Teenagers often get a bad press but your son has shown the difference it makes when they have a caring influence behind them. He is a real credit to you, you should rightly be very proud of him. Sadly the teens we hear about doing bad things have not only fallen in with the wrong crowd but they don’t have anyone who cares about them. 

I had my own traumatic experience aged 14 when a stranger picked me up and threw me into a river. I couldn’t swim and very nearly drowned. That same person rescued me when he realised his prank had gone too far. To this day I won’t walk by water. I can’t tell you how frightening it is to be drowning, I’ll never forget it. 

I also had ambitions of being an English teacher but ended up doing something different. 

I organised a series of presentations at work from senior leaders who had got to the top of their profession the hard way, had several set backs both personal and professional. I’ve heard some amazing stories. I thought of you the other day when one of them said “only you can define what success means to you”. 

AntoMac

I’ll continue to try to let the old incident go Keedie - You’re right. I’ve lectured you on more than one occasion so I’ll give you this one 
What a truly fantastic World Cup Final. Good that you remember your brilliant English teacher. My favourite teacher was my French teacher. I’ll save the story about her for when I’m next counter upper on the PAD thread some time next year, as what I’ll do is recount an act of kindness for every day I count up.
What a great way to teach your son and get him interested by taking him to the Museum. Hang on? A teenager enjoying a Museum?? I swear I had nothing stronger than tea to watch the final!! Maybe there was something in it 

Keedie

Thank you very much @Sun_Addict, that's very kind words and I appreciate it. I am very proud of him, he does make me laugh and he has a heart of gold, he's just a typical teenager at times, and dealing with his mental health makes it very difficult to judge his moods etc. I'm really happy that CAMHS has agreed to provide him with support although I'm not sure as yet what that will entail. He does some randomly immature things, like accidentally burning my brand new carpet when ironing a t-shirt (why no ironing board I don't know) and as he put the iron down and walked off to do God knows what and did not notice that it tipped over 🤦🏾‍♀️. 

I don't blame you for not wanting to go near water after being chucked in the river! Drowning is very scary. That stranger was crazy, but thank God they had the sense to rescue you even if their actions is what led you to be in distress in the first place. I remember swimming under my friends and siblings' legs when I was about 7/8 in the shallow end of the pool, whilst we waiting for a float to become available. When it was my turn to swim under water, a float was suddenly free and they all jumped on it to secure it. But with 6/7 kids all doing that it sunk to the bottom of the pool under their combined weight and I was pinned to the bottom of the pool, panicking and struggling to breathe and unable to move, trying to grab their ankles. They were so busy fighting each other off the float and in the chaos didn't realise that I was missing. I vividly remember feeling really dizzy, weak and petrified. But my survival instinct kicked in and I remember managing to grab onto someone's leg and bit them and dug my nails into another leg so that they could feel the pain and realise that I was trapped there. Eventually they worked out what was going on, and yanked me out of the water. I will never forget the fear and guilt on their faces as I was spluttering and struggling to breathe. I was scared to swim for a while after that, and it took me a long time to go back under water. I swim when I'm physically able, but even as an adult I wouldn't swim through someone's legs and it makes me really anxious when the kids want to play games in the water. Teaching my son to dive under water when he was younger was really cathartic as it helped me to push through it as he was looking up to me to help him and show him how to do it.

I can only imagine how inspiring that presentation would be Sun_Addict and it's true, success is very much a personal goal and journey.

beanielou

Blimey, SA, that is even worse than the gym teacher chucking me in the swimming pool to make me swim.
(It dident work!)

Keedie

It was a brilliantly played final @AntoMac! I only watched the penalties at the end as I left the boys to watch it together in the living room. But I kept an eye on the score online and watched the clips of the goals scores. But I had to keep quiet when watching the penalties as there was tension in the room as all 3 are die hard Messi fans! ⚽️ 

And yes, the museum was a surprising hit (especially as he acted as if I was bullying him by taking him there) and he told me that he's really keen to go the Science Museum and see the Changes in Medicine exhibition which is the next topic he will study in the new year. I told him we'll do weekly trips to different museums, exhibitions and activities and he seems happy with that. He's even said that he is ready to have tuition now, and so I have contacted a centre that does free tuition for kids our in our borough. And I've told him to study with his cousin who is doing maths and english functional skills. So hopefully something arises from all of this and he remains interested/motivated. But I definitely think interactive learning is the way to go.

I've been scratching my head in preparation for working out my 2023 budget and I am not sure exactly how to do it. So I've been watching lotsa YouTube to help me. And I think if I have worked out my goals, everything else will fall in line. So I've been trying to work out what is realistic, instead of solely focussing on what is idealistic. I'm thinking that keeping it simple is the key, and so I won't have too many goals or too many sinking funds, I need to work out a strategy that allows me to actually have a life and enjoy things that matter whilst keeping an eye on my bottom line.

Keedie

It's been a crazy busy few days! Work is relentless at the moment, and we're so busy and our manager has gone now so we're fending for ourselves. It's not been too bad, but we also had a new lady start in our sub-team yesterday and it has been difficult trying to organise her induction schedule and deal with all the pay queries. She's a sweetheart though.

I made another payment today to my mum for the school fees, so another £50 paid off (£1,550 total) and by this time next year, I'd have paid off £2,150 and would be inching towards the 50% mark, so I'll be happy with that. 

I'm still working on my 2023 budget and goals, and being counter upper for the Payment A Day thread always keeps me motivated. I need to the PAD 2023 new challenge so that people know where to go for 2023, so that's on my to do list for Friday lunchtime when I finish my freelance role.

I'm counting down the time to when I finish work. I'm exceptionally exhausted and I feel like the increase to 28 hours/4 days a week might not have been the best move. But there is so much work to do, that I know that I would have become more and more resentful if I was always working over my hours but not being paid for it, or being so busy that I don't have capacity to take my time back. But I think that I may drop back down to 3 days a week around Easter. We should have a new manager a bit settled by that point, and I can then just go back to being a foot soldier. As the pressure at the moment is a bit annoying, doable, but annoying as it's all so time consuming.

Especially as I'm also trying to migrate the HR function from my freelance role to the HR consultancy and I have to data transfer all of the HR records, documents, absences and any employment information for current and former staff. It's a massive amount of work to be done, and so my South London Sister is helping me, and she was stunned by how much there is to do for this project. I also have to liaise with the Health & Safety team for the office site visit, to get the training documented, to coordinate the update and replacement of existing policies and rollout the new HR software and the Employee Assistance Programme. There's a lot to do. And it's a bit scary to be honest. But I see it as a means to an end, as once the HR systems are migrated and the policies are in place, then things will be a lot calmer. Well that's what I'm telling myself anyways... 🤦🏾‍♀️.

AntoMac

My work has gone crazy busy too Keedie. Mine seems to be a pre-Christmas rush. 

Hopefully things might soon calm down for you and you can properly gauge how busy you will be working your extra hours.
Yes there is a lot to do but at least it’s all within your skill set which is a big plus. 

Here’s to be able to stop for a few days soon.

Sarahwithlove

I think everyone is in panic wanting things done before Xmas and the new year break. Hope you get some time to yourself. I need to look at my goals for 2023 but feels crazy to think it's only a couple weeks away 😫 

LittleMissDetermined

The end of the year really has seemed to creep up on me this year, I'm not quite sure where the last month has gone!

badmemory

I'm not sure where this whole year has gone.  I mean the last 2 with lockdowns etc just disappeared even though very slowly.  But this year.  And as an aside I have purple fingers, courtesy of a 19p red cabbage..  I was going to pick up the last (much bigger) white one, but decided that someone may really want a white cabbage & have more to feed & there were several red ones & I've never done red cabbage so here goes.  It is good to try new things especially as you get older, at least that's what I try to get myself to do.