The Mental Debt Struggle...

beanielou

That is great news that you were able to drop 3 subjects for your DS.
Less pressure for you both so win win.

Keedie

Bless you @Humdinger1, that's so kind of you to say. I'd be terrified of any of that kind of responsibility, but I appreciate the sentiment 😁.

Yes the 3 subject package @beanielou will make a difference to both of us. I'll have less financial pressure and be able to reduce my debts, and he won't see the work for the other subjects that he's no longer doing and he won't have to sit those mock exams. The teachers were really considerate and understanding with regards to the difficulties he's facing, when I explained that he is dropping some subjects.

It's less pressure for him and he has to just pull his finger out and get on with things. I've nearly finished working out what he needs to do to get on top of things in a passable fashion, and then he needs to deal with it himself as I'm really burnt out. I will still help him, but not to the extent that I have been.

I'm slowly starting to put myself first more and more, and it feels really alien, but I think over time, as I start to get used to it and start to heal, it will get better and become more natural.

Keedie

I've managed to have 5 No Spend Days (NSD) so far this month which is a massive achievement for me. I'm getting better at only spending on groceries as I used to have a lot of frivolous spending when I went to the supermarkets hangry 😂.

I know this is probably obvious to everyone else, but I realised that the trick (for me anyways) to saving money, is to have enough food in my house. So after doing a proper shop on Sunday using the last of my free school meal vouchers, I've been able to have snacks and dinner and aside from forgetting to buy butter, things are better. I'm no longer spending money I don't have on take aways, so that has really helped.

I've also put £1 into the PAD pot to round down my account, and there's £17.04 in there now. I guess it'll maybe get close to £20 by the end of the month, and I can chuck that at my MBNA card.

LittleMissDetermined

Having food in the house is definitely a key thing Keedie, it was something I wanted to focus on this month as September budget review identified this as a weakness for us in terms of eating out.  I think it's about a change of mindset and just developing the habit of going to the kitchen cupboard instead of reaching for the phone. 
Glad you've hit your NSD target already, well done! 
LMD x

AntoMac

Glad to hear you are working on being kinder to yourself Keedie. Putting yourself first more often won’t stop you continuing being kind to others whatsoever.
It’s also good that you’re working to fix some of those little spending ‘leaks’ that we can all easily succumb to.
Another supporter of the ‘Keedie for president’ campaign here by the way 

cinnamon123

As an American I will be the third vote for 'Keedie for president' although I think a campaign for prime minister works too...especially now ...not sure which country needs you more!

Editing to add: Very good news on the fees. Things continue to move in the right direction.

Keedie

It is definitely a mindset change @LittleMissDetermined and I feel much better for it. Yesterday my son was asking for fish and chips for dinner as he heard my brother talking about it when we were at my mum's yesterday evening, and usually I would have had no plan for what we were doing and would have gone along with it and worried about the money later. But as I had an incredibly loose meal plan for the week, I was able to offer an alternative and I've put some spare ribs in the oven and he munched that whilst watching the Man Utd match 😁.

So although I was a bit slow on the uptake, this is a game changer. I've also been more mindful of the amount that I am spending on groceries due to the grocery challenge, which I've not been posting in, but I've been loosely following it. So yes, plugging those 'leaks' is definitely the way to go @AntoMac. I need to work on a new list, as the AWE list is all about making my life more adaptable and accessible physically to improve my wellbeing. But I want to create a list that allows me to enjoy life more and pamper myself a little and to be more creative. I found a beauty school near me, that has fully body massages from £15 as the beauty students require the hours as part of their course so it's cheaper. I'm going with a friend next month for a facial, and hopefully we'll be able to do something like that every few months. I'm also trying to get back into my distance learning courses so that I can finally be certified as a proofreader and copywriter so that I can finally do my career change. One of the things that I've decided to do for myself to be kinder to myself, is to work on my own future prospects, rather than putting all my energy into my son's education and everyone else.

The online school came back to me, and they're giving me a refund of £1,281.67, so when that comes through, I'll have my regular £50 payment at the end of the month, and I'll add £18.33 to round it up to £1,350 payment. That will take the debt down to £3,400 and that would 29.17% repaid. Yay.

£100 paid to MBNA as I increased the direct debit value by reducing the Octopus Energy one. That'll bring my debt down nicely at £100 a month plus whatever is in the PAD pot and I receive from my siblings repaying their debt. It's currently at £2,795, so it's nice to be in the £2700s. PAD pot aside, by end of December, I'll be in the £2500s.

I've been getting a bit confused about my direct debits that come out after the 24th of the month, as they were set to come out after I get paid from my employed job on 24th of the month. I've been trying to count what I need to pay for the rest of the current month, plus everything for the next month and I've been getting baffled on how to do that (yes I know it's not rocket science 😂), as my direct debits were set to my income pattern but my budget is set to a calendar month pattern. So I'm slowly moving my direct debits to the 2nd of the month that used to occur at the end of the month, so that everything will come out between 2nd and 20th of the month. So when I get paid and I am topping up the bills pot, I only have to think about what is due for the next calendar month. Hopefully that will make it easier for my little brain to work out my budget and I can tweak my spreadsheet to help me know what to put in each pot and when.

And thanks for the presidential/prime minister support @cinnamon123 and AntoMac 🤗, I'm flattered .

AntoMac

That’s some real good news Keedie. Things are going your way at the moment. The fee refund will make a massive dent in your outstanding balance. Maybe good karma really is a thing. Onwards and upwards 

Keedie

Maybe good karma really is a thing @AntoMac, because the online school gave me the refund of £1,281.67 plus an additional £58.33 as they apparently miscalculated the charges for the 2021/22 academic year, so I received £1,340 in total! I added £10 to that amount and sent £1,350 straight back to my mum's savings account. I also moved the date of my regular standing order to repay the school fees from 28th of the month to today, 20th October, so that I can keep all payments within this date range. So I was able to knock a whopping £1,400 off the debt to my mum for the school fees! This has reduced the outstanding amount to £3,350.

I also paid £17 to the Bank of Mum 2 (family holiday), and once I have done my carer role on the weekend, I will be able to pay more, and clear that debt by the beginning of November.

Things are definitely looking up, so I'm really happy about that. Things don't feel so overwhelming at the moment, and I think part of that is due to a slow shift in mindset in terms of my expenditure, and thinking about what will make me feel happier.

LittleMissDetermined

A lovely positive post @keedie! Things are definitely looking up and I hope that continues for you. It’s nice that there’s a bit less pressure on you now
LMD x