The Mental Debt Struggle...

AntoMac

Can I just say @cinnamon123, your post of 9.43pm was really kind, wise, thoughtful and eloquent.

Keedie

I was so f**king crushed by the plagarism. When I mentioned it to him, he was so confused, and hurt. He said he worked hard on that. But I wasn't impressed. He left his test to the last minute, and was running out of time. So he said he watched a YouTube video about the context of the question and looked at the revision guides that I gave him to help him understand the play. I explained to him that he can't just look at something to help him understand and then not write it in his own words properly using his own analysis, and that the resources are a guide and not to be used to write his work.

He said he tried hard, and I know that he's not a bad kid, but he can be lazy. I explained that even if you write a fantastic essay for coursework or in an exam, if they think you have not used your own understanding and you're just copying what other people think or have said, then they will fail you. I told him that I will help him to understand how to structure an essay and how to read information but draw his own conclusions. He looked relieved, and admitted that he was told at his old school to read other books and use them, but no one told him how to do that, and that at his online school, he hasn't paid all that much attention to what they say sometimes as it all goes over his head. I think out of desperation he pulled a fast one, not really understanding the full implications of what he was doing. But he's now focussed on doing his best. I reminded him again that it's the effort I want to see, and then everything else will fall into place. 

Thanks for all your input everyone. I think studying was better back in the day. We may have had to work harder in many senses, but the skills we were taught to research etc, definitely put us in a better position. Doing tests online with the internet at your finger tips is not ideal, but I need to teach him how to actually handle exams as he won't have lots of resources at his disposal when he is doing the real thing. So I think April to June will be spent doing lots and lots of practice papers under timed conditions. As he gets anxious under the time pressure and so he needs to know how to retain the information and then how to achieve it.

Your kind words really touched me @cinnamon123, so thank you. I often feel like I'm not doing enough as a mother, especially as I really struggle at times with basic things like housework, cooking dinner etc. And I know that he's very immature in some senses, and it very frustrating as when they're ready, teenagers give so much attitude as if they are bigger than they are!

We did have a heart to heart about the plagiarism and I told him that he needs to work hard and do his best, but that doesn't mean cheating or just taking the easy route. From what I could gather, he's feeling pressured to perform well because he knows how much this is all costing (I didn't tell him but the school fees are on their website), and he can see that we have less money than we used to, and there's only so much that the cost of living is to be blamed. He also admitted that he would prefer to do the science foundation paper and regretted coming home with the higher paper workbooks, but that they cost money and so he didn't want to ask for different ones. I told him for the sake of £19.50 I'd get the other books, but he still had to make the effort. It wasn't an easy out to do the foundation paper, he still has to learn the content, it will just be asked differently and at a lower level for some questions.

I think it'll take some time for him to properly understand that he has to take responsibility for the trajectory of his life, and that he needs to focus more and stop looking for the easy option or wasting valuable time doing nothing much, then complaining about how hard things are. I am probably trying too hard to help him, so he does need to fall on his sword a little I guess. Snd yes @AntoMac, passing 3/6 is a good way to look at it. He's currently working towards a 6 in Business which is what he wants to study up to degree level, so that has given him a much needed boost 🤗. 

I think at degree level they scare the living daylights out of you regarding plagiarism don't they @beanielou and @badmemory? I remember getting nervous when I was doing my bibliography to make sure that I had done the referencing correctly. I think with so much information at our fingertips with the internet, it's easy to find information you wouldn't normally have access to, but they have software that scans the content of the kids' work and highlights/flags, if there is a problem. It seemed to be quite common in the Year 10 assessments, which he did not sit as he started after they had finished. But this will be a lesson learnt for him, and he will have two sessions on Academic Honesty, that will be given to the whole of Year 11 as part of their new continual testing schedule. So hopefully whilst watching those lessons, it will all sink in some more. 

I'm so glad that I've got Brighton to look forward to, so that I can just get away from it all, and in all honesty, away from him (as in being around him and anxious about things going well etc, not him as an actual person). It's so hard trying to homeschool and navigate everything when neither of us are really that invested in the homeschool lifestyle, as it's more of a means to an end. But I know that we'll both be glad to see the back of this academic year when he sits that last exam! I hope that with him learning to make a consistent effort, and learning new study skills and that he'll work hard, whatever the outcome, things will fall into place.

Keedie

Forgot to say, that I've been looking a little more into the blue badge theft and fraud, and you're right @beanielou, it is a BIG black market that is worth a lot. It's crazy, but I found an article which shows that Transport for London released a report showing that there had been a 45% increase in blue badge theft from 2020 to 2021!

So after reading that, and hearing what you have to say, I'll just sit tight with the blue badge until I can afford to get the protector case and lock. It's sad that I have to do that. But I've survived this long without one, so there's no harm in waiting a little longer to enjoy its benefits, without being anxious or feeling vulnerable about using it.

Keedie

Got some great news today! My manager gave me a £600 bonus for all the extra work that I do and the Director of HR approved it, and I've had a look at the payment system in advance of getting paid on the 24th (perks of working in transactional HR 🤫) and after deductions, my pay for October 2022 is £400 higher 💃🏽!

So I can use that extra money to get rid of the exam fees that is hanging over my head. I'll be able to top up the debt repayments pot, so that I've properly got the money for both bills and debts for November 2022. That will be the first month that I have the total amount for both bills and debt repayments completely in the account before the 1st of the month. It will be a game changer, so I am very grateful for my bonus 🤗.

I put £7.19 into my sealed pot challenge and I'm very excited to open it next Thursday 27 October. I think after what I've paid in recently, that I am cautiously optimistic that I have my £70 target. The tin feels heavy (well I have weakness in my hands, so I need my son to check), but there are coppers in there so I can't be too excited 😂.

Keedie

I came across this quote on a friend’s WhatsApp status and thought I’d share as it’s sooooooooo true! Seeing it made me feel like things are not that bad and I’m trying my best. It’s really hard working through your own trauma whilst parenting. And seeing this made me feel less alone and burnt out by my situation. 

cinnamon123

Omg! Omg! Omg! Omg! Yay on the bonus!!!!! (I'm excited for you in case you couldn't tell lol )

AntoMac

That is fantastic news Keedie, so pleased for you. Brilliant and so well deserved. 

As well as the monetary aspect how lovely to get some recognition for all the hard work you put in. 

Keedie

Thanks @cinnamon123 and @AntoMac! I'm super excited as well 😁 and I am proud to be recognised for the hard work I put in. I find my job incredibly stressful, especially as we're short staffed all the time and people tend to be over reliant on me. But seeing that she put me forward for this annual pay review and I was awarded something, I am touched.

Sun_Addict

Fantastic news about the bonus and sounds very well deserved 👏 I hope you’ll be able to treat yourself even if it’s just a tiny treat. 

It’s good the quote made you feel better, some quotes just seem to be so apt. 

You’re sounding a lot more positive and upbeat 😁

Keedie

Thanks @Sun_Addict, I am feeling more positive, ever since I booked my trip. I will give myself a tiny treat once I've fully crunched the numbers. There's a smoothie in Leon that I really like, but at £3.99 a pop it's not cheap, so that might be my treat. But I'll save it for when I am on my break, and I can sit and watch the world go by. The pace of London is too fast for me most of the time.

The quote really resonated with me, as I often feel quite broken. And I second guess everything with my parenting. But it made me realise that I need to work on healing myself more, so that is what I will be doing from now on.

My regular weekly transfers came out, so I've sent the following to their respective pots/accounts:
£20 to car maintenance
£25 to travel (petrol and Oyster top ups)
£20 to spending money
£1.80 to PAD pot
£0.20 to PAD pot (rounding down the account to tidy it)

I hope you all have a good day xx