The Mental Debt Struggle...

Keedie

Forgot to say that I paid £1.05 into the sealed pot challenge, and I'm excited about opening it in 12 days. I'm really hoping that there's £70 in there to go towards my travel fund. And if there is, rather than focussing on my Turkey trip, in July next year, I'll use it as spending money when I go to Brighton on 8 November. I'm so excited to be going and having some time to myself. I went to uni in Brighton, and it's the best place to be a student and I've loved it ever since. It has a special place in my heart.

AntoMac

A rollator, that’s the thing. We call it her ‘pushy’. I can’t believe it would even cross anyone’s mind to stoop so low as to steal someone else’s blue badge     

Yes the Millwall fans were really sound. The only argument as such was who could claim to support the worse team, rather than the better one 
They had plenty of ‘gaw blimey guvnor’ type banter, which I’m used to with mother in law originally being from Elephant and Castle. 
Glad you’ve been to the New Den and seen what it’s really like at matches, even if you don’t necessarily like football. Sometimes it’s so much more than just the match. It’s a community thing. 

I should have known you lending money to your siblings was another act of kindness on your part. 

With your Brighton booking is that not something you could hold/reserve on your credit card, and then pay on another card when it’s time to actually pay, to avoid paying interest?

Hopefully the price won’t rise in such a short timescale anyway

LittleMissDetermined

It’s great that you’ve planned your Brighton trip, it gives you some time to yourself and something to look forward to x

Keedie

Football is definitely a community thing @AntoMac, and my son, nephews and brother are all football obsessed and by default, my sister and I have had to be more involved than we normally would be. I don't miss those days of driving him around all over the place for training and matches and being up early Saturday and Sunday mornings. He takes himself to and from football now, so it's easier for me. The Millwall supporters are definitely very South London 😂.

I don't know how credit card purchases work as I have never really done them, but I have booked the Brighton trip using my passports money and I'll put that back once I can pay my birthday cash into my account. The cashpoint wasn't taking cash deposits yesterday, so I have to go at some point this week, but I'll put the PIP back into that account when the money comes in on Tuesday. I am really looking forward to the trip @LittleMissDetermined, as just knowing that I have something all to myself in a few weeks, is making me really happy. Opening the sealed pot will come in handy, as it will be just on time for my trip. I'll book my train ticket this week as well. I'm trying to work out if I can buy an open return from the boundary of the freedom pass as it covers the London area, so this will make it cheaper than buying the ticket to start from my local train station, even if that's where I will start my journey. Fingers crossed that can be done.

And yes, it is sad that people steal other people's blue badges. I don't understand why someone would even think of that. I know it gives free parking, but the person that it's been granted to, clearly has a need for it. I was just going to use a normal holder case like I see other people doing but my sister said it wasn't worth it, as I've had things stolen from my old car (my fault for being so tired I forgot to lock the car) and had my rear window smashed in before (the way the glass was shattered I think the kids on the estate shot it with a BB gun). That was many years ago though, so I'm not sure. It seems a bit drastic to lock it to the steering wheel in a case, and draws more attention to it. And I've no clue where I'm meant to put the case and lock when I'm not using it.

My son's half term report for the online school was not good. He's failing 3/6 classes, and he got done for plagiarism on a test last week. I'm so tired. We had a talk about things, and he's accepted that although it's two weeks half term from the online school starting tomorrow, he's still at college and he has a lot of work to do. He said, "I'm not really going to get a half term am I?" I told him that he can definitely still have a break, but he will be on a strict timetable to get things done, and then he can go out from late afternoon to meet friends etc. I've explained to him that I gave him enough space and autonomy to manage his time and to do his lessons, but he's cheating no one but himself by cutting corners and it's clear that he needs help to manage things. So I will teach him how to do that, and each week he will get a timetable to reflect what he needs to do, what he needs to catch up on and what he has going on, like football etc. That way, we'll work through Year 10 work that he needs to catch up on, but this first week he needs to catch up with this half term's lessons.

He has mocks next month and I explained that's where his predicted grades comes from, and that's what colleges look at. He seemed to think that they were just tests to tell him what he needs to work on 🤦🏾‍♀️. Now he's panicking, and now he's finally ready to push himself properly. I've also managed to convince him to sit the foundation science paper, as although he likes it now, unless he's consistently doing the work required at the higher paper, it makes no sense. He's not looked at those workbooks, but I told him that I will set him daily tasks to coincide with the weekly timetable and he needs to manage his time to get the work done. I won't keep chasing him, I'll just check at the end of the day and it needs to be of a good standard. He hung his head and said that he will try properly. Hopefully a few weeks of doing things this way, will mean that by the time I go to Brighton, he will be in a better routine, and my mum can cross reference his tasks with what he's done. But I'll be lying if I didn't admit that I was disappointed and a little disheartened by it all. I'm very stressed all the time.

cinnamon123

Oh Keedie I'm so sorry to hear about your son. His behavior is immature but he is also only 16 not 36. It sounds to me like your son will learn and grow over time - it just takes some a bit longer than others. The important thing is that he's not a bad kid and you really need to take that to heart. He is just a kid. As stressed as you are about him and his education, and as much as you care, it may ultimately just take him screwing up a bit longer before it all starts to click consistently for him. 

Personally, as worrisome and frustrating as it may be for you as his parent, it is normal for a lot of kids.

I would focus especially on the plagiarism because IMO it leans close to being criminal. What he has specifically done, no of course not. But the mindset behind plagiarism (passing off something as your own) can lead to other things that most definitely are and it needs to be squashed immediately. What he needs to embrace is that it is 100% okay to fail on your own efforts than it is to try to succeed on someone else. Ethics, honor etc. are hugely important in many careers and the lack thereof has led to the downfall of many - even something like lying on your CV can get you fired from a job and tarnish your reputation in the industry. Much more relevant given his age, it can get you kicked out of universities.

On this diary, you have said several times how important it is for him to try and put in the work - that his ultimate scores are less important that his efforts. This is so key. I hope he embraces this because over the longer term, work ethic matters. 

Kids mess up and that's part of the process of growing up. I believe that children who have parents like you almost always turn out well, end up being kind and decent people. Not really sure how to end this comment except to say that ultimately your son is a kind and decent person. With a mum like you, he will find his own way. Probably give you a few more grey hairs along the way tho!

Editing to add: Your son's education situation this year is so unique and you've done the best you can with the choices the two of you were given. A lot of the issues are 100% down this but there isn't much you can do about it. Hoping he continues to adjust.

beanielou

Blue badges are worth a LOT of money especially in London.

badmemory

Plagiarism is a problem caused by the internet unfortunately.  Just a usage of what you read on there without reading/understanding/translating.  It is a very common thing these days where as in our day it was virtually unheard of.  To be honest it is something he should have been warned about.  I remember a friend telling me about 15 years ago when she was doing a course that she was warned about plagiarism.

AntoMac

Sounds like he’s listening and wiling to learn from it Keedie.
Not being flippant, but does failing 3/6 also mean he is succeeding at the other 3/6? That would at least be some kind of positive to build on. 

I’m a firm believer that we learn so much more from our mistakes so don’t give up on him just yet.

beanielou

When my DS was at uni he was warned about Plagiarism.
Hard at the end of the day but he needs to understand it is cheating & he could be kicked off the course.
Harsh when you have spent a lot of money.

cinnamon123

Agree with @badmemory and @beanielou. 

Those of us that are of a certain age were taught how to properly source and attribute which required going to physical books in the library in the pre-Internet age And we were taught at a much younger age, often in the years before high school and then reinforced in the years pre-university. The internet makes it very difficult and teachers have their work cut out for them.

It's more work for you Keedie but I think your plan mentioned previously to help him figure out what he needs to work on and then check on him at the end of the day is good. 

And if he did pass 3 of his classes as @AntoMac noted above, then that is definitely something for him to build on!

When it all seems a bit much, pause and think about Brighton!