The Mental Debt Struggle...

Cherryfudge

You are wise to pace yourself and have a list of things to tackle, spaced apart. One step at a time, and keep taking notes in whatever way captures what you need.

It's a shame about missing the team meal but at present it could be stressful. I'm sure you need some rest and recovery time.

Not long now till the days get longer again, if that helps?

Baileys_Babe

I like the way you have structured your week, you will be able to become better informed with time for reflection without hopefully becoming overwhelmed as well as including other support and not isolating yourself by attending your wellbeing group and friends from the bipolar group. Remember to look to be kind with yourself resting, relaxing, hydration, healthy food, possibly gentle exercise, accepting others put you in this position 🤗 

Keedie

Well I didn't follow the plan this week. And got none of my tasks done. But I did something better, and I just relaxed. Well I tried to. I'd been so stressed out I forgot to lock my front door the other day. I was home all night alone as my son stayed at his girlfriend's, and I hadn't even locked the door! Luckily I live in a decent enough area and there's a key fob communal door before you get to my front door. But that was a rather confusing and sobering discovery. So since then, I've just tried to the take days as they come and work out the answers to all my questions next week. 

I'd also forgotten that I'd signed up for a market research project about hair care, and so I went to that on Tuesday evening. It was a focus group about black hair care, and it was quite interesting and most importantly, it paid £100. So I got that cleared through PayPal this morning. And I've put it straight into a Chase sub account as my spending money for the week when I am in Brighton at the beginning of January on my solo trip. I'll be there from 7 to 10 January. I really do need to get away from everything and have some time to myself to have a long hard think about what I want to do in life, and I think having space to figure that out will make all the difference. The hotel and train are already booked. So now I also have my spending money.

I'm still not sleeping very well. I fell asleep around 5am this morning. But my appetite is slowly coming back, so that's something. I also sat down and did a thorough budget based on the benefits income, for a 4 week and 5 week month. I've played around with it all a few times and rethought my priorities and my budget for things like birthdays, Christmas, Eid, car expenses and sinking funds and spending money etc. I think I finally have a good balance and that is taking away some of the anxiety surrounding my impending unemployment.

I normally use the income within one month to fund another, but I've done things a bit different for December 2024's income for January 2025's budget. I've set aside the £366 from the universal credit that was paid on Friday 29 November as 1 December (today) to finish funding all my important/fixed subscriptions for 2025. The £36 for my son's EA Access, £60 for the Playstation Plus, £95 for Amazon Prime were already funded. So I completed the £85 for my Macbook's Apple Care,  for my Macbook were all already fully funded. So I set aside a year's worth of Kindle Unlimited for £114 and the year's worth of Crunchyroll for £60. This means that we can both enjoy the things in life that we love, irrespective of my income, whilst I figure out my next move and get back on my feet.

I've also funded Quarter 1 (January to March 2025) for the full Apple One subscription that I share with my siblings, which is £36.95 a month. I did this, so that the money my sisters contribute, will accumulate towards Quarter 2 (April to June 2025). I was setting aside £40 a month from my bills pot to cover my monthly subscriptions (Kindle Unlimited, Crunchyroll and my portion of Apple One), and then an extra £20 via cash stuffing to build a small buffer to pay the annual subscriptions. The annual ones were hard to fund as there wasn't much surplus cash at times, so it was inconsistent. But by entirely funding all the fixed subscriptions, plus Kindle Unlimited and Crunchyroll a year in advance, plus 3 months of Apple One, I've halved the amount needed from the bills pot to keep on top of things. So £20 will go in the pot to build up another quarter of Apple One, along with the money from my sisters, and the unused £20 will contribute to the bills buffer that I am building as I know my expenses like rent, council tax, water rates etc will increase in April 2025 but my income won't increase at the same rate. The other £20 from my cash stuffing will remain, but will now go towards funding 2026's subscriptions throughout 2025. I just need to make some savings trackers to make that easier to keep on top of and more fun.

Keedie

THE SUNDAY SUMMARY

(Week 48 ~ 17 November 2024)

Debt Regrets

Goal 1 - 100% repayment to Bank of Mum 3 (school fees) - due 1 April 2024
Progress Checker = £3,800/£3,800 (100% repaid)
🎉 Achievement Date = 24 March 2024 🎉

Goal 2 - Pay £5,000 off my overall debt balance in 2024 - due by 31 December 2024

Progress Checker = £4,548.80/£5,000 (90.98% repaid)
My direct debit for Barclaycard came out, so this has increased slightly. The likelihood of me reaching the target is very slim, as there is £451.20 to reach the target, and I have reduced my direct debit to £100 a month. I am okay with not making my target though as there has been so many life changes in recent weeks and months.

Goal 3 - Clear Barclaycard Plan 1 (£6,508.43) - due by 31 January 2025
Progress checker = £3,947.23/£6,508.43 (60.65% repaid)
There is £2,561.20 left for Plan 1, and December's direct debit will be £100, so that leaves £2,461.20 to go. I'm slowly receiving money from my siblings and putting money aside myself. There is £165.51 in that Debt Buster pot, and I'm expecting a bit more in the coming weeks. I'll review whatever the balance is just after Christmas, and then do a money transfer either by 31 December 2024 or by mid-January 2025, so that I can clear this plan its entirety and avoid interest. 

Saving Grace

Goal 1 - Save £500 for my son's 18th birthday - due by 30 September 2024
Progress Checker = £500/£500 (100% saved)
🎉 Achievement Date = 15 September 2024 🎉

Goal 2 - Save £500 emergency fund - due by 31 December 2024
Progress Checker = £100/£500 (20% saved)
I've saved £37.66 in the last couple of weeks, so I'm now at 20% of target and I'll just roll this goal over to 2025, as I won't reach the goal by New Year's. If my latest invoice is paid within December 2024, instead of using that for January 2025's income, I will use it to complete this goal.

Balancing the Budget

This section of my weekly check-in will focus on how I am preparing for the upcoming month, so that I can stay on track and be more successful in meeting my targets.

Income Tracker - £2,300 for January 2025's Budget
Progress Checker = £0/£2,300 (0% accumulated)
There has been no income as yet for December 2024 that I can put towards January 2025's budget, as the first child benefit is due this week. Once that comes in, I will be able to start tracking things. My budget is now £2,300 as that is the total amount I will get for universal credits, child benefit and PIP. 

Freely Debt Savings - £100 Goal for January 2025
Progress Checker = £0/£100 (0% saved)
This is really a stretch goal as the likelihood of having anything surplus is virtually non-existent, as anything that I do have will go towards the emergency fund. But on the off chance that luck is on my side, then a £100 buffer to go into 2025 would be a welcome breath of fresh air.

Cherryfudge

You are so organised with your finances! And I think the time away in January is an excellent idea.

Keedie

Thank you @cherryfudge, that is a very nice compliment regarding my finances. I think I'm more obsessed than organised, but I'll take it 😂. 

I'm definitely looking forward to my break in January. I need to be able to clear my head. 2025 onward is very uncertain for me. And I think having some time to myself will make all the difference, especially now that my son is old enough to look after himself for a few days. It's only 3 nights, but I am so so ready for that time to reflect and be gentle with myself. I don't think I'll be able to figure out my next move by the end of the week, but I'm hoping that it will act as a break between leaving employment and starting unemployment. Almost like a life bookmark.

I've been mentally preparing myself for next week. I need to get a few things sorted tomorrow, like calling ACAS and Universal Credit. And to sort out the parking at work etc. I tried requesting a meeting with OH, but they won't see me unless I have a management referral, because of the reason for absence and what I stated happened at work, so that was a dead end.

I'm the counter upper on the Payment a Day thread and I think that will really help me to refocus on taking care of the little things, to increase my chance of financial and personal success. I still feel quite fragile, but I'm trying to work on little changes, so that I am not overwhelmed, and have the capacity to enjoy the next season life.

AntoMac

Sounds like you’re coping pretty well with all that’s going on at the moment Keedie. Of course it’s very difficult times for you. We’re all here willing you on x

Keedie

Thanks @AntoMac, things are definitely feeling like they're turning a corner. I feel lighter as I gave myself the grace period last week, and didn't push myself too hard. Therefore, I was able to make the phone calls and get things in motion this week. 

Spoke to ACAS and the lady was very helpful and she gave me some insight into how things will work when I go to another job and my sickness absence in my current job. She said that had I been signed off for a disability, then it could not be included in a reference, but as it was stress, it can be included, depending on what my new employer asks for. But I am able to state that it was in response to reasonable adjustments if asked. She said that I could raise a claim against my employer and they will assist me. But I told her that I just don't have the mental capacity for that. The main thing is that she reassured me that the OH at my new employer should not liaise with my current employer, only my GP, if I give them permission to do so.

Universal Credits were quite helpful as they explained how I'd update my claim and what I need to do once my notice period has finished and I am not working. The guy on the phone seemed a bit confused that I am in the limited capability for work related activity (LCWRA group) but I have been working and self-employed. I explained that I have been struggling for a long time to remain employed and I do not do much freelance work. But I'm disabled and work is very hard, I have just been plodding on, but it's too much now to continue. My main concern was being sanctioned, but he said that wouldn't be the case. So I felt better. But then now I've got paranoid that I'll be reported for being ineligible for LCWRA and they'll take it away 🤦🏾‍♀️. The issues that come with being mentally vulnerable can be all consuming at times 🥴.

Cherryfudge

You've done very well to find all that out and make sense of it. I would have thought the fact you've been working part time and had time off sick shows you can work but it has to be suitable work and with the right support, and even then not too much of it.

Keedie

Thanks @Cherryfudge. I'd been avoiding the phone calls, but I had to just bite the bullet and get it done. I felt more relieved afterwards, overwhelmed and overstimulated by the anxiety of making those calls, but relieved nonetheless. 

I definitely need to find suitable work moving forward. I actually really like administration work, but I definitely need to be braver the next time around if the workplace environment isn't working, and walk away sooner. I don't have an ideal salary or anything that I'm aspiring to. I just need to budget better and control my spending. So I need to focus on what will make me happy at work, and disregard chasing any specific salary. It always helps to have money, but feeling at peace within oneself is priceless. 

I got an email from the Director this morning, as I logged into my work emails to arrange parking for the next two weeks. Turns out that the decision has been made for staff to work an average of 60% in the office from the new year. That's 3 days a week. She said that they would work with me to take into account personal circumstances and requirements and wanted to give me this assurance. But that has just made me more secure in the fact that I have made the right decision to leave. From 1 day in the office to 3 days in the office within a short period of time, and then an office relocation in a few months, it just doesn't work for me.

When I am feeling better, I will have another hybrid role. I just need to work myself up to it, and proactively plan around having X number of days in the office or at home. I think my sweet spot is working 2-3 days a week and working a slightly shorter day so I don't get too tired and overwhelmed. When the time is right, I'll contact some employment support services that help people with disabilities so that I can get support with job applications and interview prep and all that stuff. I've never done an online interview before, and I know a lot of them are not always face to face nowadays. And that does unnerve me a little bit 😬. I space out a bit in online meetings 😂.

My spare change pots are coming along nicely, as I'm going back to more cash spending to control my outgoings. It's nice to see my little tins filling up with coins. I think I need to get back to joining the sealed pot challenge, as that really motivating to keep on top of putting money in the tins and opening them along with everyone else. So I'm going to find that challenge again on the forum and rejoin. Some people opened some inspiring amounts in their tins. It was exciting to see the declarations coming through when they're collectively opened at the end of October.