The Mental Debt Struggle...

badmemory

Isn't the week per year of service the notice they need to give you.  If your contract says a month then you are contracted to give one month.  Or have you accepted by default an amended contract.  These I see as sneaky but tend to be if you accept their money then you have accepted their amendment.

Keedie

I did manage to sleep last night and dreamt of all sorts of foolishness (please tell me why I was a small white fluffy dog in one of the scenes, when I don't even like dogs because I'm scared of them!), so that was a nice change 😂. 

I really am ready for a change, and to be free of a toxic environment. But I don't have the mental capacity to fight. Even though I know that I have a case. I just feel so depleted. And the truth is, who would I even take my fight to? When you're working in HR and fighting against HR, they close ranks against you. And the senior strategic managers all closely tie back to my team management, either through family ties long established friendships. I think I would do myself more harm than good. They control the narrative, I've experienced pettiness, vindictiveness and a battle of egos. I won't be validated, there won't be a victory, or if there is, the price I'll pay for it will be too high. I can't afford to make myself unwell. I'm very angry, hurt and overwhelmed by everything, and I do deserve justice, but I am too fragile to fight. 

I definitely have a case, but I can't do anything about it now. I have 3 months from leaving to bring a case, but it's not something I am in the right frame of mind to tackle it. I will simply save all correspondence and make a note of all incidents, so that I can have a folder of everything, and I can decide what I want to do, when I am no longer employed and in the thick of it. I will be asking ACAS about advice on that. 

It's hard trying to stand up for and advocate for yourself when you need more compassion and adjustments on a daily basis just to try and live a somewhat normal life. Being disabled can be very draining, but I have to listen to my body. The way that I was treated on Tuesday caused me to go into shutdown mode, and I've not been able to think or function properly since. Even though their behaviour and treatment of me was damaging, and it will most likely happen to someone else, I just can't be the one that is always fighting for and demanding better working conditions. They'll do it someone else who has the resources and determination to fight back, and things will inevitably fall apart. I just won't be around to witness it. 

I'm sorry that you've had similar employment troubles @astrocytic_kitten and @Cherryfudge, it's just so draining isn't it?

As for my notice period, my contract states that the notice is contained within the terms and conditions appendix which gets updated from time to time. It shows one month's notice, but also mentions statutory notice periods, so it's confusing. You are right @badmemory, that the statutory notice is what the employer has to give, but I'm so anxious about everything, that seeing the mention of statutory notice the other day (when I was still incredibly distressed), left me in a heightened sense of panic and I've been second guessing everything. I don't want to run the risk of getting the timing wrong and having to spend more time there. 

But, as much as I hate working in HR, I think I'm on the verge of negotiating a small HR adjacent project for one of the clients that I used to freelance for. It will be looking at the business's sales and administrative processes and how to improve operational efficiency and then implementing a performance related incentive and bonus scheme. That will give me some freelance work for a few months that is not very demanding and the majority of which can be done remotely in and around my own schedule. I will then be able to use that money to build a bills buffer as I know that everything is going to jump up again in April like rent, council tax, water rates. As my budget at the moment is based on current prices in relation to my benefits. And the benefits won't increase at the same rate.

dawnybabes

Check your house insurance has legal cover, they may pay for a solicitor to do all the grunt work. 

beanielou

I totally understand that you don’t have the heart for it. My advice is to just keep getting the fit notes & submitting them.  No need to engage with the HR people & take it from there. 

Cherryfudge

I completely get it that you can see a case but can't fight it. I feel just the same with my former employment, and I know others have gone through the same. I suspect many cases aren't fought because the person affected  is already too damaged. Over time, I hope that will improve but for now, look after yourself. It's great you are already drawing on contacts for future work, which will keep your hand in as well as provide some income and possibly lead to more in future.

Could you ask your GP for a longer fit note? Mine did a month at a time.

PennysIntoPounds

I may be mistaken but I think you can still contact your relevant union and say something along the lines of 'Sorry I'm not a member, I have been meaning to be, but as I'm sure you often experience, I'm now getting in touch because I need your guidance! The current situation is XXX and the background is XXX and I would very much appreciate your advice as to how you would recommend I proceed'

If they get back to you and say you have to join and its too costly at least you'll know you asked, and if they make it sound like it'll be too much strain to pursue, at least you'll know you asked.
I really, really feel you on just wanting this situation gone and done, but please don't rush into doing yourself out of money that's yours by rights, it'll be useful for your mental and physical health to have that bit extra even if it is just a small amount, and a union can do most of the thinking and fighting for you.

Sending big hugs, this situation is BS and it certainly ain't through your doing x

Purplelady65

I can understand you just wanting to be out of this distressing situation. Re your concerns around references and your sickness absence record it depends on any prospective employer. Most large employers these days will only ask for and only issue a factual reference i.e. confirmation of dates of employment, salary, job title and whether the person was dismissed. With regard to any sickness absence again most large employers won’t provide this information and won’t ask for it either but it does vary from employer to employer. 

Sarahwithlove

I totally get why you are choosing to leave sometimes you just have to put yourself first. 

AntoMac

So sorry to hear that you’re going through so much at the moment Keedie.

You’ve shown before that you can cope with tough times and you’ll cope with this.

Such a positive how you have turned things round for your son, and how much return support he now gives to you.

Keedie

Hey everyone, I've been resting the last couple of days and thinking, thinking, thinking. I've stopped crying, and I became angry. Then I burnt out fairly quickly from that and I've just been very fragile ever since. I've not done anything today in terms of working out how to proceed with everything. I just went to my counselling session first thing this morning and that wiped me out for the day. But I managed to email my Head of Service and give her my fit note, which ends on 6 December. 

There's a lot to do, but I'm going to tackle one or two things a day so that I don't get overwhelmed.

Tue 26/11/2024 - I will call ACAS for advice and guidance and ask about references etc
Wed 27/11/2024 - I will contact the citizens advice bureau for guidance about benefits etc
Thu 28/11/2024 - I will contact universal credit and then rest and attend a wellbeing workshop
Fri 29/11/2024 - I will contact the union for an informal point of view (thanks @PennysIntoPounds) and then meet my friends from my bipolar group

With the reference, it's my team within our HR service that does them and we only give basic employment details like dates and job title. The anxiety I have around the sickness absence is more to do with going into another organisation and needing to see Occupational Health as part of my reasonable adjustments, and them contacting my current employer for my sickness records. I don't know what they can be privy to, or how that might negatively impact my future job prospects. I kept taking leave since I've been back as I was very worried about my sickness, but last week just broke something inside me. I really did consider trying to just go in, and tough it out for the last few weeks, but I was so anxious about returning to the office, that I couldn't sleep or eat properly. So I just decided to be kind to myself and take the time off that the doctor granted. It's a shame that I will miss my team dinner, but I don't think I would be able to sit and eat with my manager anyways. It's safe to say we're no longer friends.

I've also found an employment service that helps people with long term health conditions get back into work. So I will liaise with them in a couple of month's time, once I've done the mental work to get back on my feet.