The Mental Debt Struggle...

Baileys_Babe

I am sorry this is happening to you @Keddie I read your email and thought it was clear why and what you were requesting. It was both professional and non confrontational.

You didn't even mention anything about the required hours in the office being in portion to hours worked, 2 days in 5 for full timers and therefore 40% office attendance for everyone.

I feel they want you to quit, it will save money, if they make you redundant the organisation incurs costs. Don't make their lives easy, involve everyone who can help you ACAS, GP, Occupational Health... And we will be here to support and cheer for you.

I love that your son wants to protect you.

Give yourself time to recover 🤗

Makingabobor2

I agree with @Baileys_Babe, don't resign, stay on sick pay as long as you can and make them get rid of you if they want, but don't give them the satisfaction of resigning. 

dawnybabes

Piling In here, do not resign, keep on sick.  Let them make you redundant or let you go. Take the time off sick to help pull yourself back together. 

Purplelady65

Sorry to hear about the work situation. I thought your email read very well and fully explained why you needed some time to put arrangements in place in order that you would be able to attend the office. I am not sure why your managers could take offence at it. It was a perfectly reasonable and well written email.  

Re next steps if you really don’t want to return then sick leave while you explore what might be possible is probably the next step forward. Possible options are to submit a grievance re how you’ve been treated, running down the sick pay to no pay with a view to then eventually being dismissed, resigning if you just want to be out of the place and not have any further hassles to navigate but you would need to check out implications on access to benefits, exploring the possibility of a case for constructive dismissal. 

Sarahwithlove

I definitely agree get signed off for longer by GP for stress. Have you contacted ACAS? Or a disability charity? Have you considered going above your manager and head of service? I'd say HR but that's department you are in. Ask for another referral to Occ health. 

Ref UC my understanding is that if you are in LCWRA group you won't be sanctioned if you are just in LCW you could be. But I don't think you should give them satisfaction of resigning and instead go off long term sick. Let them see how much you actually do for them. 

Cherryfudge

I'm so sorry to hear you've been treated so badly. The email was professional and clearly worded so I suspect what you got was their emotional reaction, as they didn't like you standing up to them. I think going off sick is definitely the right thing to do, and the treatment you've just had is the cause of it, rather than your disability. You were working towards increasing your hours, not backing off.

I was off sick with stress for nine months in my previous job and the doctor wrote sick notes in such as way that I could start at another job so long as it wasn't to do with the post I was sick from. Because several of us went long-term sick within a few weeks, there was a staffing crisis which enabled them to start a termination process after most of that time had elapsed, but by then I had a relief post elsewhere which enabled me to have healing time and make a new start with something that works for me.

Keedie

Sorry for the radio silence. I'm okay, just still processing everything. I think a part of me is also so hurt because my manager was my first friend when I started at this workplace. And that friendship is ruined now. And I feel like I've been gaslit and ridiculed by both her and the Head of Service who was my manager before her promotion.

The paranoia of knowing that they've been talking about me is not helping. I sent my manager an email yesterday which she didn't even bother to acknowledge, I just got an email from my Head of Service stating that my email was passed on to her. In my email I'd basically summarised my points, that the meeting was more focussed on my communication style and how it is perceived than anything else, and that I cried and received no empathy. And that I was not asking for anything unreasonable and that my email should be re-read objectively, and that I believe the content of that meeting was a disproportionate response to what I had written. My Head of Service disagreed, and said that she mentioned how my email made her feel and that and I needed to be mindful of my tone in future. She just basically reconfirmed in writing that she took issue with the 'tone' of my email because of how it made her feel, but tried to make out like my communication was just mentioned in the meeting (although the issues that they took with me lasted about 80-90% of the meeting).

I'm so drained.

I have my fit note, but I realised that I'd be on half pay as I ran out of full sick pay last year. I feel incredibly overwhelmed. I don't have the fight in me to raise a case, or exhaust sick pay and get dismissed. I just need to leave. Being off sick was stressful, as I had to keep going to the doctor for fit notes, having phone calls and meetings with my manager, our HR representative, OH and I was constantly fighting for better treatment. But I'm no longer prepared to fight for scraps of decency. I need to protect my peace.

I need a few months to heal and recalibrate and then look for another job. I don't want my sickness to negatively impact my ability to get another job. So I don't even know what to do. My son said that I'm a fighter, and that I shouldn't give anyone the satisfaction of knowing that they've broken me. He said that they're not worth my tears and I shouldn't give them that power. I need to keep my eye on the prize and what I want my future to look like after leaving and focus on that, rather than the job I have now. So that I just conduct myself with resilience and gather evidence of everything that I've done, and all my achievements to update my work portfolio and then keep it moving. We worked out that I have 14 working days then lots of leave in December and January and will be paid until early January 2025. He said we can count them down to make it easier to get through.

I'm still thinking about it all and I've not replied to my Head of Service's email, as I don't know how she will take what I have to say 🤷🏾‍♀️.

Anyways, thank you all again for your support, advice and reassurance and kind words. My head feels really fuzzy at the moment as I'm fending off a hypomanic bipolar episode as a result of the stress and lack of sleep. But I do feel positive about some things. The social worker came today and she was happy for me to pursue direct payments and said that she will make the referral for me 🤗. It takes around 6 weeks to implement, so hopefully this side of Christmas. 

I've done a final benefits based budget that will allow me to cover all my bills, debt payments, variable spending and sinking funds. It's not as frivolous as my previous budgets, because it's more logical but has a good balance of what I need but still includes fun and living life. I need to contact Universal Credit, ACAS and the CAB next week to work out the whole notice period thing. I think I just need to give one month's contractual notice, but the ACAS website said statutory notice, which is a week per year of service, so I need to work out which one it is and to time it right. 

It's incredibly scary to leave with no job to go to, but I'm starting to experience a premature burgeoning sense of illicit freedom and it's exhilarating! I've never really done anything for myself. I've always toed the line of stability and expectation and having no prescribed path is incredibly daunting, but at the same time, it is so freeing. As life has so many possibilities now. I just need to heal and recalibrate, then I can start the next phase of my life...

Cherryfudge

Sending hugs... I hope you managed some rest x

Makingabobor2

Have a restful weekend

astrocytic_kitten

As much as all of us cheering you on from the sidelines want to see justice and for you to get a payoff and validation that the way they’ve treated you isn’t ok, I do get where you’re coming from. I’m disabled and have had tough employment situations and it just grinds you down, I‘d probably be thinking the same. It’s a horrible, stressful situation to be in when there’s nobody to advocate for you and you’re having to do all the illness admin and updating yourself. You know your health and what more it can stand more than we do.

Do try to wait until your head feels clearer before actually resigning. And since your management have proved they can be petty and emotional, if you tell them you’re leaving try to come to an agreement about what they’ll say for reference checks, though I’m sure ACAS and CAB will have good advice on that.

Also I’ve been lurking on your diary and meaning to dip in and introduce myself since your son left school, and look how far he’s come! The good place he’s in now and the mature young man he’s become is all down to your hard work and determination and parenting of him. You can do great things, you just need a rest.