The Mental Debt Struggle...

daisy_1571

a manager I worked with many years ago insisted on this and finding how helpful it was I often use it. In the busy years I didn't always follow my own advice hence having to sort it all out now.

The irony is of course that in the busy years you have no time to set up systems to make life easy. Now I'm no longer full time working I have time to set up the systems. 😆

Keedie

Sorry for the radio silence, I have not felt very mentally well and I've spent a lot of time in bed staring at the wall. Or sleeping. Or getting agitated that it was too hot to sleep. My 95 year old Granny is still in hospital and we've been told a good few times to say our goodbyes, and then she somehow keeps pulling through. So that has been a lot of limbo, but she seems to be inching in the right direction, so I am really relieved. I can see the relief with my mum, as she's 74 and I worry about her as she goes back and forth to the hospital, it's quite a lot for her.

A massive thank you for all of the filing advice @daisy_1571. I will definitely implement something similar once I have waded through all of the papers and have an idea of what I am keeping, and what needs to be filed. My Reablement Worker is coming over on 24 July to check up on me, and she will help me to start creating a filing system. So I will make a note of your system and she can help me to replicate it based on the types of documents that I have.

I'm still not very on top of my finances, but it's getting a bit better. Having my food shop money weekly is helping. It's made us more conscious of what we are spending and what we are eating. My son got most of the food shopping money this week as I'm pet and house sitting for my East London sister. They've gone to Egypt for their family holiday, and so I am looking after their cat, bearded dragon, gecko and koi fish. It's been strange to be in their house with no one here, but I've had a good break from my normal life. And that's never a bad thing is it?

I've mainly just been feeding them on a schedule and stroking the cat who has been demanding attention from me. I think he's freaked out by the silence. They're a family of 6 so it's never quiet, and I'm one person and I don't make a sound unless someone calls me and I speak to them on the phone. But I have been watching YouTube and listening to music, so it's not been Museum Quiet. I've realised that I have never ever lived alone, but I do like it. I went from my parent's house with the 7 of us (5 kids and parents), to loud halls of residence at uni, back to London post uni and then into hostels and then eventually a flat with my son when he was 5 months old. So yeah, never had my own space before. But I must admit, I do really like it. I think my son and Silver are really missing me though.

My brother in law got me some meals from Thrive, so that I have not had to cook any dinners. The box arrived on Monday and it was all prepared and I just stuck it in the fridge and then the meals are ready in 3.5/4 minutes in the microwave. That's been very helpful and it's allowing me to get back into eating regular meals instead of snacks, so that is helpful. My carer is going to start cooking meals as well, so that will take the pressure off me too and help with food stability/meal times. And it'll be cheaper by meal planning as well.

But last night, I had some (common sense) epiphany about my budget. I realised that my weekly expenses and sinking funds should change depending on my budget threshold. So I've had the time this week to think, and I've worked out my 5 levels of budget, and it ranges from absolute bare bones necessities all the way up to a lavish (and somewhat fantasy) lifestyle and budget that includes more spending money and savings.

• Bronze Budget = £1,750 pcm
• Silver Budget = £1,875 pcm
• Gold Budget = £1,975 pcm
• Platinum Budget = £2,250 pcm
• Diamond Budget = £2,500 pcm

My income is the Gold Budget, but does not have any allowance for savings. So if I need to save for something, or there is an issue that impacts my income, then I will drop down to a Bronze Budget or Silver Budget. The Platinum Budget and Diamond Budget are based on fictional income, but gives me something to aspire to if I was to freelance and have some extra money. I've worked out the weekly amounts as I go up the income thresholds, and the extra things that I can fund/consider. It's made me feel less anxious now. So that's always a good thing.

daisy_1571

You are very welcome keedie.

If you can at least have a space for 'types' of documents ready, they can be quickly put in the correct space to maximise the time you have with a helper. A quick glance at a bit of paper will tell somebody is this from x institution, a bank, something health related, a job application etc etc they don't have to sit reading the whole thing. Then at any time you feel inclined, you can take one file, folder, box and go through it sorting first into years or decades if there's a lot. Just spread them around you, 1990s over here, 2000s on your right, etc. Then if you are disturbed you can quickly just pile them up back into the file, folder, box. But if you have time, you then start with the oldest year (or if a decade bundle separate into 10 individual piles) and start making the index sheet and numbering everything. Then again, if you are disturbed you know how far you've got next time you get it all out.

Hope you are having a lovely little holiday away. Sounds like a perfect reset time.

Dxxx

Makingabobor2

Sounds like time by yourself might be just what you need. I had been thinking of you and wondering how you were coping with this heat as I know you live in a flat quite high up. Hope having a house to yourself, and I presume a garden, is doing you some good.

Keedie

The heat has definitely been difficult to handle @Humdinger1 and the flat has been so stifling it's ridiculous. Usually I have my bedroom windows wide open, the main balcony door and bathroom and the mini balcony door in the living room. That all creates a cross breeze, that is easier to manage.

But with Silver now with us, I can't have everything open. I've managed to slowly train her not to climb out of the window. But I still can't open it very much. And she keeps trying to go on my neighbours half of the balcony and under the railings at the edge. So the balcony door stays shut 🥵. I got some fans in the Prime Day sales, but they tend to blow hot air in my face 😬.

When I desperately need air, I kick Silver out of my room and she lies down on the laminate flooring or the cooling mat that I got for her. Then I open my windows wide to get some air. But I have to be careful as the pigeons seem to still be rather taken with my room, and keep trying to get inside, as if they've been invited over to hang out 😤.

Thank you for the filing advice @daisy_1571, you're so organised and it's such great advice. My Reablement Worker didn't come today as I had to reschedule. I can't mobilise properly and I'm so tired and in pain, so I've just lay in bed all day feeling sorry for myself instead. She's coming next week Friday instead.

I did some tinkering with my budget this week that will be more realistic and manageable. I think I was being irrationally frugal and that wasn't very pragmatic. And my son's work has kinda dried up, so he's not really earning much. So the financial dynamics have shifted slightly, as he's not really able to help with groceries etc. But anyways, all of that rambling to say that I have got a better idea of what to do for the rest of the year more or less. And I'll have £100 a month plus freelance work to set aside. Once I've built up the Attracting Abundance pot and the Rainy Day fund, I can start to ramp up the debt repayments. Currently, the £100 surplus is going to be split with £60 to the Abundance pot, £30 to Rainy Day and £10 to The Burden (debt). That way, the savings will build quickly and then I can focus on the debt whilst I wait for my Help to Save account to mature in February 2027.

Keedie

My GP referred me as an emergency to the Community Mental Health Team (CMHT), and so that should hopefully help me in the coming weeks/months. I've not been feeling very mentally well and everything, including my flat and the budget has fallen by the wayside. But I am hoping to get back on track soon enough.

I've been considering my debt and my budget and general finances, and I think I have a kinder way of doing things. I've been rather harsh with myself. And quite inflexible. As my anxieties have taken over. And I was so paralysed with fear about doing everything wrong, and clawing my way back out of my all of this new debt. I kinda hit snooze on everything debt related and got incredibly overwhelmed by it all. But I figured that I'd play some savings challenges and use those to make it fun to get out of debt and have a better relationship with my finances. It got me really down that after the experience of being better balanced financially last year, that everything fell apart in a few months with my son's moped. I didn't really focus on the bookkeeping course as a debt, it was a way of advancing myself and I had made peace with it. But everything else has really just deflated me.

So in the last couple of weeks, I've put money into my sinking funds and savings challenges, including money that I have received as repayments for some of the money that people owe me. I'm still figuring it all out, but once I have a proper plan in place, I'll be back to update you all and to hold myself accountable. I need to count what I have in the cash binders in my safe, and then see what will go to debt, and what will go to general life and savings.

Oh, and I had a mini heart attack the other week! I was dozing/sleeping at night time, and I felt someone staring in my face from the window. I got scared, then it took me a few seconds to remember that I am on the top floor and so it was most like a hallucination. But I kept looking at the window and I saw a grey blob on the window ledge looking at me. I realised it was Houdini Silver 🫣!!! I've never moved so fast in my life. She was facing the wall and looking at me, all chilled, like she does this on a regular basis. I couldn't scare her as she would have dropped 3 storeys onto the grass below and would not have made it.

So at the other end of the window, I called her softly and she just jumped up, spun around and then came trotting towards me on the edge of the window ledge 😬. I grabbed her to bring her in, at the same time that she realised her daredevil antics were over. She tried to wriggle away, but I was prepared for her and managed to get her safely inside. I didn't realise she was in my room, or that she could push the window open further and do that. It's made me nervous to think of how many times she's done that in the past. So now, I just keep the windows completely shut in my room, as my delusion in thinking that I had trained her to not put her head out of the window, has well and truly been debunked. I think she gave me more greys with that stunt, and it took me a while to stop shaking.

Cherryfudge

It sounds like a stressful time, but I'm glad your GP has been helpful and you have started to look at dealing with financial things again. Even if you just take baby steps, it will be progress.

And as for Silver…! How scary that must have been. Can you perhaps fix some netting over the window so you could have fresh air? I'm sure someone who knows more about these things may be able to suggest a way to keep her indoors!

AntoMac

Poor you Keedie. You really do go through a lot of ups and downs. Great credit to you that you get back up every time you take a knock. That must have been absolutely terrifying with Silver.

Wanna_Bee_Free

So sorry to hear about all your struggles. That must have been such a shock with Silver Keedie! I'm glad you were both ok.

I came on here to suggest that when people unexpectedly repay you that it might make sense to repay your Mum that money for your debt to her. I remember you can't predict when you are going to get repaid so can't rely on the cash for your bills and essentials and some time ago the amount you owed her was about the same as the amount that was owing to you. Just a thought and please know it is meant as a helpful suggestion for you.

Good luck with the coming weeks and take lots of care of yourself.

beanielou

Hopefully the referral will be helpful to you.