The Mental Debt Struggle...

Keedie

Silver did scare the life out of me, but she's not had any Houdini opportunities since. I just need to get the balcony secure so that she cannot slip through the bottom of the railing as she's very curious (typical cat 🐈‍⬛ ) and she is still learning about danger etc. I have looked at window nets, window grills, door gates and lots of different options @Cherryfudge and the more secure ones are pricier than what I can afford at the moment. And ideal would be to have an outdoor grill on the small living room balcony door as it opens inward, and she can see outside, we can get fresh air, but there's no chance of her getting through it or falling. She's very slim and long, so she seems to be able to squeeze into the smallest of places.

For the main balcony, I need to have a divider between myself and my neighbour's half, and then she won't be able to go on their side, as she's tried to run into their flat before. And she's been trying to get under the balcony railing. Once that's in place, I can fit a cat flap and she can come and go as she pleases and I don't have to worry about her getting trapped or falling. My brother in law sent me the link for some wooden venetian blinds that he has in my nephew's room, and I can open the windows to get some breeze, but the slats are too small for her to get trapped in. So I'll have a better systems in place for next summer. Since we got her in January, it didn't even occur to me that summer would be difficult. Ignorance on my part really.

I realised my post didn't make much sense in terms of my debts @Wanna_Bee_Free 🤦🏾‍♀️. The savings challenges that I am playing the games with to save money are dedicated to different things, and that includes debts. I've no clue what I am paying off or when, and what is a priority with sinking funds etc, so I have been accumulating the money in the binders until I can think clearly. But it will definitely be split between debt, savings and just general life things, but more weighted towards debt. I've decided to keep my budget as simple as possible, and I will be able to put money weekly into my savings challenges for debt, a family/household pot, gifts and longer term savings. It will be £10 a week to each, and £5 spare to use as a snowball. I'm trying to think of mini targets for each category, so that once it has been reached, I can snowball the money into another category. The aim is that I save as much as I can for a few months, and then every quarter I allocate the money into the different areas of life and give my mum more money. The weekly debt amount will build up, as will the other categories and then I can boost the funds based on what I have saved via the savings challenges and games. Not sure if that makes sense. But debt will be treated like another sinking fund pot, and will get money every week, and the bulk of my cash will go toward games, so that I can make it more fun to save and get out of debt. Once I've got it all figured out, I'll have something to show you all. At the moment, it is still very much a pie in the sky project of sorts 🥴.

Thank you for the encouragement @AntoMac and @beanielou. Life has been rather rubbish, but many people have it worse than me, so I can't be whinging and feeling sorry for myself too long. I have to keep moving forward, even if it is only in tiny increments. But at least I have the bipolar group this evening, I like being there even if it is often daunting to be leading the group. I might even go to the pub with them afterward for a quick apple juice before going home. I realised that I have not left the house since Monday, I think, or maybe Sunday actually.

Cherryfudge

I hope you manage to get out this evening @Keedie, and enjoy yourself. I think getting out is often harder than being there - at least in my experience.

The adventures of Silver brought to mind that I was sitting minding my own business today, in a silent house with (currently) no pets, so I got a fright when a cat I'd never seen before appeared near my feet! I don't know which of us jumped more. It shot out of doors again - I'd left the back door open - so I didn't get to know it any better.

vampirotoothus

Hi Keedie, I recently bought a mosquito net for my bedroom window which uses adhesive hook and loop tape all around the window frame and then secures to it. This would probably stop your bundle of mischief from getting out and would allow your windows to be open. This is the link, they have zipped openings in them, so that you can access the window handles. I am very impressed with it. V x

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0F2HG2GZJ?ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_fed_asin_title

AntoMac

Were you able to get to your support group Keedie? I’m sure it would have done you good to get out and be with people who have an understanding of your challenges. Would you be able to tell them how life has been for you and maybe receive some support as well as very kindly giving it?

Keedie

Sorry for the radio silence, the last few days have been a bit hectic. I did go to my support group on Friday @AntoMac, and one of the other co-facilitators led the group as I wasn't in the right frame of mind to do so. I didn't bring up any topics for discussion, and I didn't go to the pub afterwards, as I went straight to my mum's after the group. But I am glad that I went. It's always nice to be around like minded people, and it was nice to not have as much pressure on me to run the group. But the people who are also co-facilitators (one very experienced and working with the charity itself, and one in training) were both quite kind about the fact that my brain fog was bad and I couldn't concentrate properly or articulate myself.

My Granny died on Thursday evening, and so I was a bit frazzled on the Friday, but I did not want to cancel the group, as people make a lot of effort to come, and without trained co-facilitators, it can't go ahead. So I'm glad that the others were able to help as I was a bit overwhelmed and my brain was rather glitchy. And it meant that I was not too socially burnt out, so that I could be there for my mum and her siblings.

I can't believe you had a little furry visitor like that @Cherryfudge - I can picture you both being startled and scared of each other 😂! Thank you for giving me a laugh. That reminds me of the fact that my brother in law was concerned that the ring camera in his mum's kitchen activated, and he thought it was a burglar. But it turns out that he left the window slightly open by accident and an orange cat decided to waltz in, sniff the camera and worktop, jump down and just go walkabout in the house. As alarming as that was, at least the cat inviting itself in, made him realise that the window was open and so he could go round there and close it.

Thank you for the suggestion @vampirotoothus, that looks like it might work. Silver has a habit of eating through things, so as long as it's not plastic mesh, I'll have both breeze and peace of mind. My mum is having her roof replaced as it was on the verge of collapsing, and the guy that owns and runs the roofing company, used to be a painter and decorator, and he has a team of people working under him, and they can paint the balcony and my flat. So I need to get them to give me a quote for each area so that I know the amount I will need overall for the painting, so that I know how much I need to save.

I've still got to complete the annual report for the OPG (Office of the Public Guardian), as me and my mum are the deputies for my eldest sister's finances as she cannot handle her own affairs due to her high level of needs with her autism. I managed to get an extension because my mum had better things to do and think about, as she was visiting my Granny nearly every day in the hospital and when she went home on hospice. I did as much as I could, but I ran out of steam, and so I requested a further extension and I now have until 21 August 2026 to get it all sorted. So I will be doing that over the coming days. And once it's complete, I will show my mum and then submit it.

Keedie

I still need to sit down and figure out my budget, debt and overall finances. I've done a budget, that I think is more realistic than what I was previously trying to achieve. My brain can't process too much right now, but I need to get on top of things and I can't wait until life is all settled, as there is always something that happens, as that is life.

I have stopped the rent overpayments that I have been making, as part of my long term emergency fund to try and achieve my first target of 3 months of rent credit. So the amount that I am now paying towards rent is lower than the monthly amount, but I'm using the credit that I have accrued. I had nearly 12 weeks credit in my rent account, but I figured it was better to get back on track in the here and now and then steadily increase when things are a bit better (or when the Help to Save account matures in February 2027). Underpaying the rent now, will take 4 weeks of my rent credit, but I am hoping that I'll get a little more stable by the end of the year.

So I've just made the budget as simple as possible, and freed up money where I can and taken into account using some of the surplus funds that I have accumulated, to round the budget up to £2,000 per month until 31 December 20206:

• £1,225 The Burden (bills and subscriptions) - reduced from £1,275 a month due to accrued rent deduction
• £150 Golden CareCuffs (direct payments for my carer) - this is lower than the actual monthly amount needed, but I used my final salary from my agency job to put a lump sum into this pot, so that I could reduce the amount I needed to put into this pot each month whilst still paying the required weekly amount. This 'credit' will last until early April 2027 when the rates will increase
• £50 Super Saver (Help to Save account) - I have 5 more payments until Janunary 2027, and then when the H2S account matures, I will start saving in an ISA.
• £575 The Sink (for food shop, my spending money and sinking funds/savings challenges cash stuffing) - this pot for variable spending and sinking funds also has a starting buffer as I added a lump sum of my final salary to this pot as well. The breakdown of this monthly amounts is shown below.

£325 Homely Foodies (£75 weekly food shop for me, my son and Silver) - as there are some 5 week months (based on my week starting on a Monday), I did £75 pw x 4.25 weeks, so that every 4 months, the money for an additional week is accumulated.

Having a weekly food shopping budget hit my account by standing order has made things a lot easier. I've also split the £75 in 3; £25 for my son, £25 for me and £25 for the household. My son is really receiving his weekly portion so that he can learn to budget a food shop and he tops up whatever he needs and cooks more as we eat different things and he's planning things more, considering the cost of things and making the most of Lidl. Isn't it funny how when the money is 'theirs' they are so frugal 🤨. It's all reverse psychology of sorts, as I am spending less on what he wants each week by doing it this way, and he's excited to be more independent. It also means that I don't have to hear 'what's for dinner?' as he is nearly 20 and two years past the mandatory expiration date of 18 years of handholding. I have £25 for my own stuff and what I want to eat and the remaining £25 is for household stuff, like 'communal' items such as bread, milk, eggs and food for my carer to cook to help us both. I will cook once a week for both of us and I will teach him to cook on a different day, and he is looking forward to repeating the meal each week until he has mastered it and then I will teach him something different.

£50 Keedie Spendy (my monthly spending money) - this is my digital spending money, and I have a little bit of cash (around £60) in £5 notes, that I can use if needed during the month. But once it's gone, that cash is not being replaced anytime soon. So I have been rather stingy with it.

£200 Cash Stuffing (this is for my sinking funds, savings and debt payments) - I have budgeted £45 per week based on a 4 week month (£180) and the remaining £20 will be set aside each month to accumulate for 5 week months, or if more is needed to be put into a specific category. The £45 per week will be split as follows;

• £10 Debt Buster (to repay my mum) - this will go into specific savings challenges so that I can make it easier to accumulate the money and gamify it to make it easier and more motivating to get rid of it ASAP
• £10 KeeMari Silver (household sinking fund) - this for anything for the house that me, my son or Silver needs
• £10 The Gift (sinking fund for birthdays, Eid and Christmas) - my niblings and siblings like money for presents, so the niblings get cash unless they specify that they want it in their bank accounts, so I have a digital buffer for this
• £10 Future Funds (for annual expenses and longer term savings) - this will be saved until 31 December 2026, and then I will put whatever I have saved with my coin savings to see what I have managed to save for a Freely Debt Savings reallocation. Some will go to enjoying life (Freely), Debt (self explanatory) and Savings (most likely topping up a sinking fund or getting ahead of my expenses for 2027)
• £5 Snowball (to be allocated to whichever fund listed above needs more, based on what is happening in life at the time. Such as The Gift getting a top up with we're close to Christmas and I don't have enough set aside, or Silver needs the vet or something

If I get around to doing any more freelancing, then all surplus income will be split as Freely Debt Savings, with everything going into a digital savings pot aside from the savings portion, which will be a 50/50 split between digital savings and cash stuffing savings challenges (as the latter keeps me more motivated and I am less likely to fritter it away).

I'm going to trial this new budget for the rest of the year and get back into tracking my spending to see if I can save more money to go towards debt and daily life. I'm cautiously optimistic that the above will work out better, as it's more realistic for bills, savings, variable spending and I feel better knowing that money each week is going towards debts and my sinking funds.

southern_chick

so sorry to hear about your granny. Thinking about you all xx

daisy_1571

Sorry to hear about your granny, even when expected its not easy.

For what its worth, I reckon you are correct in thinking about other things just now and going back to increase your rent cushion in future.

Glad ur lad is doing well with managing his food budget. Will definitely help him in his future to be aware of how to use money sensibly over the month and a weekly standing order is game changing for normal household stuff so hopefully he will see howxwell it works for you and apply tge same principle fir himself going forward. He might want to apply the same principle to his 'pocket money' money. A weekly amount he sets himself for going out money means he'll be fine if someone offers an impromptu night out towards the end of the month when a lot of us as youngsters were already broke. Wish I'd discovered the technique way back (in the early 1700s) when I was young 😂 so long ago, where do the years go

Anyway, I digress, you're doing great as always keedie

Dxx

AntoMac

Sorry to hear of your Gran’s passing Keedie. I am sure that it will leave a big hole in your family but it does sound like she was ready to go and that all quality of life was gone. It’s important to remember that part of her lives on through those of you that are left, and that without her none of you would be here today. The astronomically tiny odds of any one of us being alive in our current form really fascinates me. When you take so many sliding doors moments over the generations it must be millions or billions to one.
One small thing. Do you put money aside for Silver’s vet bills? Boosters and the like, not to mention any dreaded unexpected costs. I can’t recall whether you took out insurance in the end?
Good that you built up a rent buffer, part of which you can now use to sort other stuff.

As for growing up in the early 1700s @daisy_1571 ,,crikey, that makes you even older than me! 🤔🤨

beanielou

So sorry about your Granny. Be kind to yourself.