Debt and Caring

WelshmansDaughter

Turned up at the nurse appointment this morning to find I had been scheduled for an MOT as she put it. Bloods, ecg and sample later and I’m on the bus home. Normal ecg.

I’m always healthy in the doctor’s office 🤦
Absolutely knackered as didn’t sleep and not feeling particularly motivated either. Might be a nap day. 

WelshmansDaughter

Apparently it's easy to be a cool calm aunt when you only work two hours a day and sleep all night.

I've been electronically eavesdropping again. Yes I know. It's stupid. 
That was Sister Act by the way. Teacup's response (equally damning)

Her social skills aren't like everyone else's.

F**k you very much. F**k you. I have just sat through an hour of Strictly so you could have company and I HATE COMPETITIONS. 

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just said no to everything. The sad thing is, they would just attribute it to some nefarious aspect of my character rather than look at themselves to see if they had done anything wrong. 
Perhaps I should put it to a vote- next weekend should I spend Fri/Sat/Sun by myself and leave them to do a full weekend of childcare by themselves? 
I would feel bad for my nephew though cos they don't do enough activities with him and he gets bored. Then they blame him for acting up. 
Maybe just maybe I should feel bad for myself for a change? 
I woke up this morning at 4 am with a stinking sore throat and I didn't think I'd manage the bike in the storm so I haven't worked this weekend. We did have adorable pumpkin picking yesterday to be fair, LB somewhat perplexed by it all. Small One enjoyed the bouncy castle more than the pumpkins. 
The wind outside sounds horrific and that is possibly the only thing keeping me from jumping ship this week. I'm trying to maintain a bit of perspective. Part of me recognises that people have the right to blow off steam but it makes me so paranoid about what people's motives really are.
She said 'I feel so judged and like I just want to ask her to leave'. 
She has also said- we don't want you to go, we barely even notice you're there.

Is it any wonder I get confused? 
I don't think I'll get any planning done this evening with my head spinning, Teacup goes home tomorrow afternoon so I might get some alone time then. 
This is why people become hermits.

PennysIntoPounds

Sounds like she's feeling insecure compared to how you're able to interact with her children.
The 'only work two hours a day' bit is bang out of order but probably isn't actually a reflection of what she genuinely thinks. 
However I don't think any harm would be done if you spent next Fri/Sat/Sun at yours working or chilling or planning, you can say you have work/stuff that needs attending to. And then you can see how you feel. Sorry people have caused you to be stressy. It'll all work out okay x

stymied

Ok, so reading between the lines, your sister is embarrassed that you’ve seen her be short tempered with her children.

Everything you’ve said there is her internal angst and a little bit of jealousy - it’s almost like you’re sisters or something 😉

The only thing I would question is that small children shouldn’t be allowed to be bored. I made that mistake and now have bigger children who can’t amuse themselves.

It might be a good idea to spend Fri-Sun at your flat but do at least tell her in advance. Could be something along the lines of giving them some time to themselves or some space or something - I’m not great at social stuff so could someone else please say if that sounds ok?

WelshmansDaughter

It's also inaccurate PiP, I work three hours a day  . Except for Thursdays when I add 10 hours looking after LB. And that doesn't count any hours I do deliveries. Or unpaid, unscheduled childcare. And you know, the 24 hours a day job of just being me. I also don't know where they got the sleep thing from, I have slept through the night three times in the last four years.
 In my experience, when people say they feel judged, it's usually when they are doing something they know they shouldn't be. Sister Act has a tendency to give out to Small One when he hasn't actually done anything wrong, he is just taking her attention away from where she wants it to be. And usually I bite my tongue but I didn't on one occasion. 
Stymied does have a point though, I did have concerns about always doing activities but wasn't sure how to put it in words.
I do get that people need to blow off steam. One of my issues has always been with how extreme my family are with emotions- everything is a drama which is difficult for me to manage. 
I do also have trouble balancing the scales in the moment- in real terms they do help me out. Teacup paid for my food shop this week which was a real help. Obviously I stay in Sister Act's house. But it does very much feel like it isn't done freely and with understanding I suppose. 
I am quite intense to be around. And I do think we all need a break from each other. I also need a break from the me that I am when I'm around them. I do find myself making allowances for their situation and in doing so, putting my own needs aside which I really have to stop. 
I might plan to work doing deliveries this week and hopefully see how much income I can get from that. If I can earn enough from it then I would plan to live off that and direct the other money to bills and debt. But more thinking needs to be done on that.

Cherryfudge

Sorry to hear about those overheard things, though I think @stymied put it really well: stymied said:

Everything you’ve said there is her internal angst and a little bit of jealousy - it’s almost like you’re sisters or something 😉

It's also possible 'Teacup' was doing that Mum thing where we mutter what we think is expected but it's not too deep and meaningful.

I think there may be something in that idea of weekends at your own place: it gives everyone a break, and perhaps if you aren't present when they could do with a hand, they will appreciate you more! It would also give you time to unwind (important) and/or work on deliveries (independence), but I think your time with the children will be a lasting Good Thing for both the children and you.

WelshmansDaughter

I have another cold which is frustrating. I was thinking I would go and do deliveries today (same day as last week) but I’m a little uncomfortable doing it if I’m snotty and coughing just because it’s food service. 

I do need to go and check on my bike though as I left it locked at the station a week ago and haven’t been back. 

If I can I’ll go and have a coffee in town and drop some library books back. Then I think the plan will be go to the flat and do a review of the stuff I have stored. I think that if I am realistic I have kept stuff for hobbies that I am choosing not to pursue now. 

PennysIntoPounds

Good luck with the review, maybe you could list a couple of bits for sale

Do you have a facemask? Though probably best to rest and potter anyway. Hope you feel better soon 

WelshmansDaughter

Bike duly checked upon and still there. 

Current plan is to go out Friday and Saturday evening.
It’s sad but I don’t seem to be enjoying coffee anymore. 

In flat, cleared out medicine cabinet and any rubbish from bathroom. Bagged up plaster from hall floor. Then started on the box room. So called because it’s full of boxes.
Ended up with 5 boxes of stuff to go through. 2 of these are paperwork for which a storage solution is needed. One is electronics so need to be wiped etc. 
Most of the other boxes were either books which was a keep category or stuff I went through. Sadly PiP nothing is really sellable, it’s mostly the odds and ends. I was going to bag up for charity but then remembered the put it outside with a sign saying Free option. 

Have woken up yet again at 4am as that seems to be this colds wake up time. I am cranky and snotty so a rest day is in order I suppose 

WelshmansDaughter

Thursday has come around once again and LB and I are muddling along until nap time. Pause while I answer his demand to be put on the toy car