Debt and Caring

doingitanyway

Applying for the art course is a good move.
Grief is weird. Do whatever helps.

Cherryfudge

Those sound like constructive things you've been doing.  How's the garden going? Mine needs water and some bigger pots.

@savingholmes, thank you for the links! I have quite a reading list (am reading a book on ADD and can see aspects in me) but I'm going to have to resurrect the reading list in my bullet journal so I don't lose valuable recommendations. I'm finding that reading any lived experiences of neurodiverse people is helpful - whether it chimes with me or not. After all, diversity is...diverse.

WelshmansDaughter

My new bed desk is now a whiteboard. I have my laptop resting on it and I'm putting travel details on it so I can decide the plan for July. 
I have two weeks clear of work obligations so I am going to go and recce. And take my nephew places :
I read something the other day (and have a memory from the Happiness Project) that said something along the lines of you can keep searching for your home or your happily ever after OR you can build it with what you already have. Although over the years I have been tempted by lifestyles that are different such as moving to land in Bulgaria (if you like Rightmove, go and have a look, some of the houses are fabulously creepy) or building a tiny house. 
By knowing myself and what I understand I'll always be home. 

WelshmansDaughter

Smart lightbulb is now connected to google hub. Had a bit of a moment when I changed the name from Dad hub to My hub. It feels like he is really dead when I do things like that. Yesterday I decided he wasn't dead he has just disapparated. 
Didn't have to get up to turn the lights off which is a win. Now if only I could get deliveroo directly to my bedroom...

savingholmes

Firsts are hard. 

Well done on the technical wizardry

CRANKY40

Words of wisdom from a four year old (he's eighteen now) after his dad (my husband) died "Don't worry mum, we're still a family, it's just that one of us is invisible". Neurodivergent or neurotypical every person's journey through grief is different and unique to them, that much I do know. I lived on chips from the chippy and cider for a year while other widow friends stopped eating - I fed the boy properly but couldn't manage thinking about food for both of us. 

Some women mask autism so well that often people think we're really just a bit rude. Then there's my friend who works in the field but who said they didn't think I was and was also quite surprised when a qualified colleague of  theirs said that they thought that friend was autistic too. I obviously can't be specific but behaviour of friend at times meant that I thought exactly the same. 

Hugs 

Cherryfudge

I kept some passwords as they had been after my parents went. Cancelling their phone was hard, though, and I still notice things to buy as gifts or that they would like to hear about. I suppose with time that's become less frequent and less of a shock - and if I wanted I could buy Dad's sweets or enjoy watching a horse that Mum would have admired, and let those things still be things that remind me of them.

WelshmansDaughter

Technical wizardry now includes Bedtime which turns the light off and plays my bedtime song. However it has knocked off my morning instructions and I was not abruptly shoved into light to wake me up. Grr. However it is currently playing the Gnossiennes which I think will be morning music.

I shall be using that one Cranky. Invisible suits me down to the ground.

Got an email from a colleague of Dad's who was at the funeral. Apparently Dad was fancy pants enough to merit a professional society obituary. There was enough personal stuff though to make me choke up. And it's funny I don't have a visual memory of him saying the stuff mentioned but I have an emotional memory of it.

World's laziest murphy bed is staying down and I will be operating from bed. Currently waiting for the gaviscon to kick in so I can have morning tea and read the new yorker as it has an article about grief.

Slowing down a bit to rest.

savingholmes

I like the invisible analogy.

Lovely about the professional obituary.

Good you are resting when you need to and playing...

Cherryfudge

I hope you've had a restful day.

It's so nice that you've heard those extra things about your Dad, and he's remembered so personally by colleagues. It makes sense what you say about the emotional memory. I think it means those things ring true with you.