Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask the bride-to-be for my money back?

Ringo90

fay123 said:

I understand paying for trips etc, but is it normal to contribute to the cost of the hen do?

I have never been asked this and quiet frankly think the notion is appalling, if you want to throw a party you should do so at your own expense.

Yes, it is, and sadly many people take advantage of this.
When I was young and naive, I had a friend explicitly asking for a weekend trip abroad to the destination of her choice. Obviously us girl friends had not only to take care of organising this trip from start to finish, but also to pay for ourselves PLUS the bride to be.
It came to more than £400 just for this trip and all the sightseeing, drinks, food and entertainment we had there.
Then we had to go to her fancy wedding abroad (yeah), so we paid for another trip, accommodation, plus the dress she chose for us and to top it all, obviously... a quite generous gift that, again, she asked for.
She's not even my friend anymore, I wonder why.
If I could go back, I would never accept all of this again, even if she was still my friend today.

SuperScrimper1

mmmm..oh dear...Liberty taking or Friend who has realized just how much a weekend away is going to cost depending on the way you look at it & you know this friend best. If I was in this situation  I would say for her to let you all know how much the garden party is likely to be as while you were happy to pay £150 towards going away you would not be for £150 towards a garden party as that is what you truly feel and say to her that she should cost it and let you and others know so you have the option as to whether you want to spend the money she is suggesting.  As tbh it could be a bbq fairy lights and punch or a small marque and champagne and at least this way you would know her plans on spending  YOUR money and a say as to whether you want her to spend YOUR money :):)

FiFiFoo

At least for the original £150 you were getting a weekend away, but who pays to go to a party? Unless it’s at a venue of course. 

Our family of 4 has been invited to my BILs wedding this year, it’s going to cost us over £1000 all in to go for the weekend as we are not local 😳

virgolady10

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

I paid £150 towards a hen weekend away but the bride-to-be has now decided to have the hen do in her garden instead. Originally she told us she'd return the money, but has now said she's put it towards the cost of her new hen do. While I don't mind paying £30 or so towards it, I think anything more than that is unfair.

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What a cheek! She really should have consulted you all first out of courtesy.  As others suggested, I would speak to a few of the other hens to see how they feel and then have a word with the bride to be about refunding most of the money.  If things get difficult, then perhaps back down, but there would be no wedding present. Times are very tough right now. She must understand that she can’t have it all.

Lizzieballoo

Ask for the refund which she already said you would get. Very unfair (and underhand) of her to set this all up without consulting you and the others. 

I feel this could tarnish your friendships with not only the bride, but the rest of the hen party.
Don’t let this fester. Take the bull by the horns. You’ll feel better when you’ve asserted yourself and then make your own decisions about how you spend your money.

Pollycat

I would be annoyed if a bride-to-be did this to me.

I would ask why she originally said she'd return the money and then decided to keep it.
I would ask what she'd got planned to cost x people times £150.00.

I would probably ask for my money back as I was no longer interested in attending her hen-do.

But...what are the other attendees saying about this?
Surely you have discussed it with them.
I'd expect all sorts of rumblings between the other invited people.

Ringo90

First of all, usually it's the friends who take care of organising (and budgeting) for the hen do.
Of course the bride can give some hints at what she'd prefer to do and in these particular global circumstances it's totally fine if she prefers a party in her garden rather than a weekend trip.
However, the moment she decides that, she should refund you in full and let you start over with the organisation and budgeting.
Even if it's her garden, you should be taking care of bringing decorations, drinks, food and entertainment and then split the budget among yourselves.
I've never heard that ladies (or guys) give the bride (or groom) money to organise hen or stag parties.

jegs

What exactly were you contributing to ?  Surely if the bride-to-be wishes to have a hen party, then she should stand the cost of inviting her friends and guests. 
If it was to be "away", then any contribution most probably, would have been towards overnight accommodation or similar, but not the actual function.  As the hen party is not now going to be "away", then all monies should be returned.
As the bride-to-be did not feel embarrassed to ask for funds, then surely she will not feel embarrassed if you ask for those funds to be returned, as they have not be used for which they were intended.
£150 per head for a garden party ?????  As has been said, very expensive for a few sarnies, crisps and glasses of prosecco  !!!

patny

I think you should ask for your money back seeing as she promised to refund it,minus a small contribution of £20 or £30.There is too much these days of brides-to-be wanting their "friends" to pay for everything for their hen think there will be more than person who feels as you do so get together and ask for your promised money back.Also do you still feel like going to the wedding when you have been treated like this?

Pollycat

Just curious if she made this decision after discussing it with the people invited on her hen-do or if she just decided herself.

Pretty rude if she's holding a substantial sum of money.