Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask the bride-to-be for my money back?

_nate

Yes, and find a better friend.

MalMonroe

You said "I paid £150 towards a hen weekend away" - and so I'm wondering just how much the full price was going to be if £150 was just a deposit.

If plans have changed and the bride is now going to host in her own garden, I think a fair thing would be for her to refund all you hens the money you've paid and then make a budget for how much it's going to cost her to hold that party and ask you all for a donation to what used to be called a 'kitty'. May still be called that, I'm not sure. Surely no more than £50 each?

Keeping everyone's donation for a weekend away then switching to a home 'do' really isn't on.

Why not ask some of the others what they think? Normally people who go to hen parties know each other. Also if you make a decision as a group it'll be better coming from all of you, don't you think?

LoubieLou29

I would certainly question what the £150 per Hen is actually going towards if now the party is going to be at the B2B home as that is excessive.  Like you said, you are happy to contribute something towards the cost of food, drinks, decorations etc but not to the tune of £150.

Maybe, just maybe, there will be more to the party than you realise and the B2B may have organised and arranged live entertainment, a mobile bar, hog roast etc that no one is aware of.  However, that being said, if that's what the B2B was planning, then out of courteous she should have run this past all of you first considering that the amount you all agreed to pay was for a weekend away not a day/night at a friends house, with food and drinks (unless a stripper is involved lol!!

Asking for the money back is going to be difficult and if i was in your shoes, I know I wouldn't be comfortable asking for it back but I would certainly speak to the B2B and ask her what she is actually planning on spending the money on.  The money should only be spent on things for that night and not afterwards, so if the B2B says shes getting a hot tub, then as long as its hired and returned no problem, if she's buying it, then is your money contributing towards it?? If so, then you've got yourself a free pass to use your friends hot tub whenever you like as you are a part owner!

Just try and find out as much as you can, that way you can then drop into conversation 'Ah right, that sounds good. So, do I take it that we'll all be getting some of our money back then from the £150 we've already paid?

Let us know how you get on.  Out of curiosity when did you pay the £150? and when did you originally planned to go away?

CapeTown

What a ruddy cheek of the woman. You paid money towards a weekend away,. That is not happening.  She won't give you your money back. That is theft. I would cut her off. It is not her money. It is yours.

LauraEC52

Tell her you have money worries and need the money back to help pay an unexpectedly large bill for your car/house issue and need at least £100 back to help pay for it.  Make her feel sorry for you.  Instead of all the focus being on her!

Ed264

Hmmmm. Seems like an extraordinarily costly garden party. If my mate did this to me for his stag party, I'd be seriously thinking what sort of a mate this is. Asking to spend this money on a garden event instead of a weekend away would be bad enough, but instructing you and the others of her intentions is unacceptable. 

WolverineSW11

Sounds like the bride to be is a magician.
But not to be a defender of her. When you cancel something at a venue it can sometimes take a very long time to get your money back from the venue. If this is the bride to be's case, she may not have to money in a slush fund to refund people their money, until the venue coughs up.

Yazmina

If I invited my friends to my house for a party, there is no way I would charge them for the privilege. I've decided to host you in my home, so I have committed to spending my money on extra food, drink and entertainment. That's what a host does. If your friend doesn't give you the full £150 back, she's just greedy. 

pollypenny

Who on earth charges friends to come to a party in their house or garden? 

Ask her for it back. 

jbcck

Oh my god don't get married. She will cost you a lot more than that over the years and 50:50 chance of divorce. You are too miserly to get hitched.