Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask the bride-to-be for my money back?

SStitanic

Id ask for my money back and a reasonable cost for the party in the garden. failing that being brought forward I would either take a few extra friends along with me, or go and take home some plants and maybe a garden chair to sell on ebay. 

tain

Just to chime in saying that I do find contributing £150 to a garden party perfectly normal and acceptable in this situation. Obviously it would have been clearly communicated and planned before any money was even offered or asked for...

It's not quite the same, but we did this a few times on New Years instead of going to an expensive club. £150 each and everyone has a superb time, drinks ahoy, DJ, fireworks, absolutely everyone can come, even those with kids can come early with children then leave, etc. So much more inclusive. 

Linda_Masterson

Tell her you want a refund because the week end isn’t going to happen and you are not interested in contributing to a garden party. 

REJP

She has already put the money towards the cost of her garden party.   Without asking guests if that is alright.  What a cheek!
That sort of friend I can do without.   Ask for your money back and have no more to do with her.  There would not be a wedding gift going her way from me either.

It might be different if she had told people who had given her the £150 each that she wanted to change the plan from a weekend away to a garden party and discussed new costs.   Presumably people will drink alcohol at the garden party, be unfit to drive, and have to book a room near the venue overnight plus pay for taxi to the room.   Would the costs come out of the already paid £150 or be extra?

Having shown the dishonest side of herself, this should be a warning to her future husband or partner that she is untrustworthy.

Afourteen

What a way to start married life - either way I think you'll loose out. 

Rather than ask for the money back suggest she puts the cash into the reception drinks fund for the wedding guests to enjoy.

bumblebee_tuna

Unless Kanye West is playing in her garden, I'd be asking for the money back.

honestcove

Don’t ask for the money back.

Turn up to the garden party and see what you get for £150. You might be pleasantly surprised.

fifty-something

Nasty tight cow.  What are (were) you planning on for the wedding present?  Don't.  On the day just give her an envelope with a note to say that she can use whatever is left over from the change from foreign to garden hens to buy her own present.  Optional ps - "Hope you choke on it"

philse7en

Let it go.... sort of.  Don't keep on at the bride for a refund, but, if a refund doesn't happen, consider it to be the wedding present.  These days it seems that you'd be getting off lightly, a hen do abroad would have cost rather a lot more.

judyl68

It all depends what sort of party she is having. If it's a small party with homemade sandwiches and a few glasses of wine then yes, ask for the money back, but if she's hiring a marquee, getting a DJ and caterers then it could easily come to £2,000 or £3,000.