Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask the bride-to-be for my money back?

MrsM71

pollypenny said:

Who on earth charges friends to come to a party in their house or garden? 

Ask her for it back. 

I agree - plus I would question whether I even want to be friends with her anymore

richytay1

Maybe she has arranged for Coldplay to play her garden

Traficlady

Yes definitely. She’s no friend if she doesn’t give it back. 

newpuppy

MrsM71 said:

pollypenny said:

Who on earth charges friends to come to a party in their house or garden? 

Ask her for it back. 

I agree - plus I would question whether I even want to be friends with her anymore

PLUS. I would ask the friend's partner if he/she really wants to marry someone like this.

littlemadam

I would tell her that you were expecting the refund as per her comment and that she cannot simply do as she pleases without consultation.  a friend would not treat you in this manner

Flipflop13

ripongrammargirl said:

Definitely tell her you want your money back minus approx £20 to go towards this little garden party. She has changed plans and said refunds would follow but if you have not had this then is she really a friend? No idea why hen parties/weddings are so expensive. I had no hen do and our wedding cost around £3000 which included everything (dress, classic car, venue, fees, flowers, decorations, reception.) Any more is just extravagant silliness. Save that money for the rest of your lives together- buy a house, decorate house etc. So many essential things in life so why waste it on a day that you won’t recall (goes so fast)?

Thanks for setting the wedding budget for us all. Just because you spent that doesn’t mean everyone else has to. We all have different incones and surplus cash to spend at our own disposal

fay123

I understand paying for trips etc, but is it normal to contribute to the cost of the hen do?

I have never been asked this and quiet frankly think the notion is appalling, if you want to throw a party you should do so at your own expense.

If your struggling then Bridezilla should have the decency to ask people to contribute if they can and not just expect them to roll over because she deems it so.

The fact that she has commandeered the funds with such ease speaks volumes in itself.That is your hard cash and you are entitled to choose what happens to it!

Good luck 

tain

Bit of missing information here. 

Did everyone pay £150, or just you? 

If it's everyone, then that's quite important as you're clearly paying for yourself to go on a trip, and you're entitled to have that money back.

If it was only you that paid £150, then I'd say that was much more in line with you paying £150 'towards the hen do' in general. That doesn't make it right that they're spending your money without consultation, but you need to ask if you're paying towards the hen do, or if you're paying for just the specific things you wanted to do on the hen do. 

DebMc74

Most definitely you should ask for your money back, actually you shouldn't even need to ask, the bride should have refunded it as soon as she changed her mind !! Fair enough if some of it was a deposit & you knew before hand that you would lose deposit if it was cancelled. Also if she has decided to host her hen party in her garden then it's up to her to provide for the party, even if everyone brought their own booze that would save her some cash. I'm sure all of the guests wouldn't mind putting a kitty in if you are all close friends but the bride has went about it all wrong. If I was you I would sit her down for a chat & maybe you could help her organise the party, get a WhatsApp group going for you, the bride & the other guests & then everyone is in the same chat to bounce idea's off of each other & decide if you all want to contribute some cash for stuff or everyone could do their bit & each person could bring something, food, drink, decorations, games etc..
Depending on the brides circumstances if she doesn't have much money then all of the friends could help out. 💗👰🏼‍♂️🍾🥂

Catwales

I think I'd want to know what I'm getting before asking for some back. 
Has she hired a hot tub and tent, is a private chef doing a slap up meal, is the booze included, is there any form of entertainment?
If none of that was going on then I'd definitely ask for money back.