Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask the bride-to-be for my money back?

MSE_Kelvin

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

I paid £150 towards a hen weekend away but the bride-to-be has now decided to have the hen do in her garden instead. Originally she told us she'd return the money, but has now said she's put it towards the cost of her new hen do. While I don't mind paying £30 or so towards it, I think anything more than that is unfair.

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NBLondon

I'd be wanting to know what fabulous things will be happening at the garden do...   Assuming the £150 had an element for venue/accommodation then what is that now being spent on?  Booze? Catering? Entertainment?

Bluemouse

How many of you are there? Ten? Twenty? That’s £1,500 to £3,000 for a booze ‘n’ burgers in the garden. 

I think you are quite entitled to say nicely that you understood the payment was towards transport, accommodation etc so you’re a little surprised that it’s still the same for an at home party. 

Maybe contact one or two of the others and see how they feel so that you can approach this together 

My feeling is that she never had any intention of doing the trip and this gives her the party she wanted but couldn’t afford and a new dress to boot, but maybe I’ve known too many selfish people!

You could also dodge out of it by saying as the hen do has cost more than you had expected, you’re sure she’ll understand that you will only be able to give a very small gift 

bikaga

I'd be super annoyed about that, especially if she said she'd refund it. Have a word with her (or if impossible the maid of honour or whoever's in charge of these things). Not a fan of expensive hen dos at the best of times as weddings are expensive enough with clothes, presents, drinks on the night, travel, accommodation... but changing plans like that and not even checking in about the money seems very selfish.

Redundolita

Most especially in these difficult times, this is OTT Bridezilla behaviour. TBH I'd ask for most of my money back, too. If you bought a 'hen do experience' and then turned up to find that you were having drinks and curled up sandwiches in a domestic garden wouldn't you want a refund? Doubtless there was a consultation about what the hen do was going to comprise and it is nothing short of scandalous that this bride is planning to keep what is after all your money on a transparently more modest event.

Does she want a wedding gift as well? Or more money? Leave it out love, for goodness sake. Your guests will need every penny to cope with the inflationary pressures of living this year without a Bridezilla making unilateral decisions of this ilk. Disgraceful.

Barneysmom

She's conned you.
I'd ask for a refund. 
She's offered you something for £150 and not given it to you, imagine if a shop did that.....

Sipp_help_needed

I would ask if after costing the new hen do there was a surplus and what the costs worked out at. There would be no wedding present.

gloriouslyhappy

That's quite a cheek. I'd discreetly ask a couple of others, bet there are a few not happy with this. Then all message her saying you're happy to pay £X towards the new hen do, and you'd like the balance of the £150 refunded as you're sure she'll appreciate how costly weddings are for guests.

cazzieverina

Definitely ask for the money back. Although she's probably already spent it and thats why she's changed the plans. Is she really a "friend"?

gothvixen

People need to stand up to these women who think that others should pay for their wedding celebrations. Within the group for the hen do there must be like-minded people who will join you in finding the best way to get your money back. The bride has stolen this money. If she has spent it and can't repay you, you then need to decide whether to drop out of the rest of the wedding. There is a prevailing attitude that brides mustn't be upset by having to face the truth, which they exploit, and it infuriates me. I would have asked for my money and dropped out of the rest of the wedding by now.

ripongrammargirl

Definitely tell her you want your money back minus approx £20 to go towards this little garden party. She has changed plans and said refunds would follow but if you have not had this then is she really a friend? No idea why hen parties/weddings are so expensive. I had no hen do and our wedding cost around £3000 which included everything (dress, classic car, venue, fees, flowers, decorations, reception.) Any more is just extravagant silliness. Save that money for the rest of your lives together- buy a house, decorate house etc. So many essential things in life so why waste it on a day that you won’t recall (goes so fast)?