Money Moral Dilemma: Should I charge my boyfriend rent, even though I don't have a mortgage?

TheJP

gothvixen said:

I was shocked by this. The rent would be pure profit, and taking money from a partner in that way is such an insult to them. If I were the one being asked to pay, that would end the relationship. I'd be more than happy to share all bills and expenses, but making me a source of income is something I couldn't forgive. 

Isn't the partner living rent free gaining a profit? If they weren't with the OP they would be paying rent elsewhere? I think its more so that the partner hasn't offered to pay some kind of rent that's more shocking for me.

KerfuffleInc

Having equity in a property means you haven't got that money invested elsewhere. Rental income is the return for property equity. If you had £300k invested elsewhere you would expect a return on that money. Not getting any contribution means you are donating a portion of that return to the partner.

But this is life and not a business. I'd discuss it with them and maybe look to come to a compromise. Figure out a cheap/reasonable lodger rate and ask them to give you half and they agree to save their half. Each of you agree to only use those accounts for house repairs or should things go well, a joint deposit in future. If you break up, whatever is in your own account each partner takes. It means you would have something saved for the upkeep of the house and they would have something saved for their future housing needs.

Someone made a really good point in here earlier about giving a partner too good of a deal. You want them to stay with you because they love you, not because they're getting a good deal on rent and don't want to leave.

666666

This is an issue that’s extremely dependent on your partner’s character. I would be perfectly OK with a partner staying with me without paying rent if he offered initially (even if I then refuse the offer) and if he helps me in other ways like maybe pay for stuff when we go out on dates or pay more of the bills etc. It is not about the actual amount of money but about whether or not I want to stay in a relationship with someone who is comfortable living rent free and not offering to shoulder the burden at all or try to help in other ways. Even though you are not currently paying mortgage, you did use your resources to pay off your property initially. I personally would feel funny about asking my boyfriend to pay rent because that would mean that first he never offered and second probably doesn’t contribute more in the relationships than paying his own bills and that would already be a red flag for me. 

Basically it’s all down to a person’s character rather than the actual money. If it was me and I move in with my boyfriend, the least I would do is offer to pay because I would have to pay rent anyway even if I don’t move in with him. If he insists he doesn’t want me to pay then I will help more with the bill or put some fair amount of money each month in an account that can be used for going out or holiday contribution for the both of us. By not paying rent I’m already saving a lot of money that I would otherwise have to spend so putting some of that saving back into the relationship I think is a good thing to do. 

hazyjo

KerfuffleInc said:

Having equity in a property means you haven't got that money invested elsewhere. Rental income is the return for property equity. If you had £300k invested elsewhere you would expect a return on that money. Not getting any contribution means you are donating a portion of that return to the partner.

But they've living in it, not letting it. If they were single, would they be renting a room to a lodger? Unlikely!

BikingBud

neilmorgan said:

NO!
The house itself isn't costing you anything so why charge your partner? They won't like that. Just share the bills.
If he pays rent you pay tax. That tax can go into holidays and social outings instead.
If he pays rent he gets a rent book. If you split up he gets to carry on living there.

What a bizarre perspective! 

Of course the house is going to cost, the fact that people don't assess it on a daily basis doesn't mean it isn't there.

All physical assets need funding to ensure they don't failure into disrepair and lose value. 

That's why so many "accidental" landlords get the shock when the truth hits them about the costs associated with running their let on a amateur basis.

Would it be reasonable to bill him for those costs that are being spread over the period of his residence, that's a different question entirely but to think their are no costs is a fallacy.

BikingBud

To treat it as a business transaction otherwise the level of commitment and emotion would likely blur the edges:

• Have a sinking fund type account, 
• Declare shareholders and interests!
• Draw up an agreement on what this fund covers, not only current and regular bills but also consider wider maintenance costs.
• Agree review dates, to consider status of relationship, and spend any excess on a joint event.
• Save minutes for posterity or for reference by the lawyers.

Or just enjoy life and the pleasure you get out of being together.

Rtype

I've enjoyed reading the comments on here and it's interesting to see how people think.

I work in the emergency services and don't earn much compared to all my friends, I had to work 3 jobs for 10 years to save up for a deposit for my place. I then worked my !!!!!! off for 9 years and managed to pay the mortgage off so currently have my 2 bed flat mortgage free.

My partner on the other hand is 3 years older than me, earns double and has no property at 47. My partner has spent her money and enjoyed her life whilst I've saved and worked hard. 

Her landlord ended up selling the house she lived in giving her very short notice to find somewhere else, she has gone from paying £1500 a month (plus bills) to paying me £500 and also buying the shopping (she likes to buy certain expensive food which I don't eat), the money she pays me goes towards the bills and probably leaves me with about £100-£200 left at the end of the month.

Why should she not pay me rent when I've spent 20 years working my !!!!!! off whilst she has been enjoying herself and wasting her money on various things? I simply cannot get my head around some of the comments here saying 'you are profiting' etc. no I'm not, I've spent 20 years scrimping and scraping which she is now benefitting from. If any money left over from her rent allows me to enjoy life a little, which she usually benefits from, after 20 years of struggling, then what's wrong with that?

I pay for all the white goods, new TV, new bathroom, new kitchen, furniture, and her rent helps me do this.

Somebody who has been sensible, worked their !!!!!! off and become financially stable, should not be chastised or made to sound greedy in this situation, especially when they are allowing their partner to pay less than they were before.

If the tables were the other way round and I'd been irresponsible for many years, I would 100% expect to pay rent to my partner.

Ringo90

This is funny. When discussing how couples should share money and expenses, I often found myself at odds with many commenters in this forum, for this old-fashioned (in my opinion) idea that when you're in a couple every single item in your possession becomes shared and every single penny you earn goes into a single pot.

So now I learn with surprise that most people would charge their loved ones a rent and I hear talks about interests, percentage, contracts, etc. Wow.

Most people also seem to forget that while living at someone else's place might be a nice arrangement money-wise, it also comes with some disadvantages: while other couples choose together the place to buy or rent, when your loved one already has their own place and you want to live together you've got no other choice than to move there unless they want to sell. This also means you don't get to choose the house/apartment, location, or have a saying in the furniture, decorations etc. Yeah, it's still a pretty good deal for most, but these cons are still something to consider.

fredio

Yes, it's a 'must' ... even if it's a peppercorn amount, you must also issue him with a rent book. I f he loves you he will understand. Make sure he is the right one before a marriage or things could turn nasty years later if it doesn't work out, or it may not just be your problems that are halved.

Marvel1

Rtype said:

I've enjoyed reading the comments on here and it's interesting to see how people think.

I work in the emergency services and don't earn much compared to all my friends, I had to work 3 jobs for 10 years to save up for a deposit for my place. I then worked my !!!!!! off for 9 years and managed to pay the mortgage off so currently have my 2 bed flat mortgage free.

My partner on the other hand is 3 years older than me, earns double and has no property at 47. My partner has spent her money and enjoyed her life whilst I've saved and worked hard. 

Her landlord ended up selling the house she lived in giving her very short notice to find somewhere else, she has gone from paying £1500 a month (plus bills) to paying me £500 and also buying the shopping (she likes to buy certain expensive food which I don't eat), the money she pays me goes towards the bills and probably leaves me with about £100-£200 left at the end of the month.

Why should she not pay me rent when I've spent 20 years working my !!!!!! off whilst she has been enjoying herself and wasting her money on various things? I simply cannot get my head around some of the comments here saying 'you are profiting' etc. no I'm not, I've spent 20 years scrimping and scraping which she is now benefitting from. If any money left over from her rent allows me to enjoy life a little, which she usually benefits from, after 20 years of struggling, then what's wrong with that?

I pay for all the white goods, new TV, new bathroom, new kitchen, furniture, and her rent helps me do this.

Somebody who has been sensible, worked their !!!!!! off and become financially stable, should not be chastised or made to sound greedy in this situation, especially when they are allowing their partner to pay less than they were before.

If the tables were the other way round and I'd been irresponsible for many years, I would 100% expect to pay rent to my partner.

Why are you together? You seem to resent their lifestyle.