Money Moral Dilemma: Should I charge my boyfriend rent, even though I don't have a mortgage?

bradavon

Yes because he's living for free. He'd pay rent if he rented.

But agreed with others it shouldn't be more than half the total cost of all the shared bills. It's fair to call it a rent though.

bradavon

theartfullodger said:

If (presumably ) he's not even offered  "rent"  he's clearly not worthy of being anyone's partner, regardless of gender, IMHO.  (That you then politely decline is a different matter).

Regardless of gender, hmm don't believe that part. You're saying it because he's male.

bradavon

SuseOrm said:

It’s no real difference from doing the check dance at the beginning of the first date I would always offer to pay half and I would always expect for that offer to be declined.  I think it paints a picture and gives you an indication as to the thought process behind how people see money.  

Hmm many women still expect not to pay on the first date though. They see it as a man's duty. My Mum wouldn't see a guy again if she was expected to pay half. In her eyes she pays the second date.

I'm of a different generation and totally disagreed with this.

The fact you're still expecting it to be declined is suspect to be honest. So it's a device to trap the man?

SuseOrm

bradavon said:

SuseOrm said:

It’s no real difference from doing the check dance at the beginning of the first date I would always offer to pay half and I would always expect for that offer to be declined.  I think it paints a picture and gives you an indication as to the thought process behind how people see money.  

Hmm many women still expect not to pay on the first date though. They see it as a man's duty. My Mum wouldn't see a guy again if she was expected to pay half. In her eyes she pays the second date.

I'm of a different generation and totally disagreed with this.

The fact you're still expecting it to be declined is suspect to be honest. So it's a device to trap the man?

I have absolutely no desire to trap a man I released one back into the wild recently I believe it got eaten by a fox 🦊 

2702

DontBringBertie said:

Since moving in to my house, my girlfriend has been watching the TV which I paid for.

Should I make her pay 50% of the original cost?

No because it should be included in the rent.

primrose_penguin

Did you ask him to move in?  as you split all the bills, food costs etc. I would not expect him to pay you rent when you don't have a mortgage. The house is obviously in your name only and if you ever split up with your boyfriend he would have to move out so his position is not as easy as you think. I wonder if you resent the fact he pays no rent as you have asked the question, if so I would urge you not to let this spoil your relationship, money causes the most rows between couples and it is not worth it. He is already paying his way so it is not as if he is leeching off you. My daughter moved in with her boyfriend and paid half his mortgage for 3 years plus sharing bills, then he decided he didn't want to be in the relationship any more and she had to leave, he didn't give her anything, she had to move and find herself a flat. I think she is well rid of him. Hope you and your boyfriend have a good future together. 

suroben

Depends what your bill split covers. Property maintenance is expensive so if he's willing to pay half of blocked drains, fence blowing down and a new roof after the rain pours in etc. the choice is yours. If this might be a problem then charge him rent so you can build some savings to cover potential building maintenance costs.

Schwarzwald

primrose_penguin said:

[...] My daughter moved in with her boyfriend and paid half his mortgage for 3 years plus sharing bills, then he decided he didn't want to be in the relationship any more and she had to leave, he didn't give her anything, she had to move and find herself a flat [...]

 

so, what would have been your proposal she did? Pay nothing towards the shared cost of living in that space and save her part of the rent instead while her bf pays the mortgage in full? Doesnt sound much like a partnership of equals.

How is it different from her being in a relationship and paying half the rent/mortgage and her being single and living either on her own or with a flat mate and paying rent?

Why do people expect that moving in with a partner who own the home should equal not paying either half the mortgage or half the corresponding market rent?

I dont get it.

primrose_penguin said:

[...] I think she is well rid of him [...]  

He might think the v same. Everybody allowed his/her opinion.

zagubov

This thread seems to overly formalise what's more like a familial relationship.

The BF's not a lodger; family members may contribute financially to their keep but that's not rent. You're in danger of over-formalising a typical family scenario.

He's not renting a room, he's in a relationship. You wouldn't charge a husband or wife rent. Your kids don't pay rent or have a rent-book.

It's reminding me of the comedy sketch where Maggie Thatcher makes her kids pay for their christmas presents at the current market price.

Their housekeeping can be set at a reasonable level to allow them to save for future needs. 

Sistergold

I would charge a fraction the possible rent to cover for wear and tear of him staying there. Or I would expect him to insist on paying a much larger fraction of the bills. If he is fussy about splitting bills dead in the middle then I would expect he should contribute some little potion of rent. I would not find this a problem as paying a token will be a win win for both.This will also mean I don’t accept money during renovations as that leads to him having a claim on the property. If you are well off you can also forget about charging rent as love is priceless. 

I would also encourage him to save for a deposit just incase he needs to move out or you want to buy together in the future. Always make sure though that he is sensible with his money to an acceptable level before you tie your finances together.