Money Moral Dilemma: Should I charge my boyfriend rent, even though I don't have a mortgage?

Gycraig

Rtype said:

I've enjoyed reading the comments on here and it's interesting to see how people think.

I work in the emergency services and don't earn much compared to all my friends, I had to work 3 jobs for 10 years to save up for a deposit for my place. I then worked my !!!!!! off for 9 years and managed to pay the mortgage off so currently have my 2 bed flat mortgage free.

My partner on the other hand is 3 years older than me, earns double and has no property at 47. My partner has spent her money and enjoyed her life whilst I've saved and worked hard. 

Her landlord ended up selling the house she lived in giving her very short notice to find somewhere else, she has gone from paying £1500 a month (plus bills) to paying me £500 and also buying the shopping (she likes to buy certain expensive food which I don't eat), the money she pays me goes towards the bills and probably leaves me with about £100-£200 left at the end of the month.

Why should she not pay me rent when I've spent 20 years working my !!!!!! off whilst she has been enjoying herself and wasting her money on various things? I simply cannot get my head around some of the comments here saying 'you are profiting' etc. no I'm not, I've spent 20 years scrimping and scraping which she is now benefitting from. If any money left over from her rent allows me to enjoy life a little, which she usually benefits from, after 20 years of struggling, then what's wrong with that?

I pay for all the white goods, new TV, new bathroom, new kitchen, furniture, and her rent helps me do this.

Somebody who has been sensible, worked their !!!!!! off and become financially stable, should not be chastised or made to sound greedy in this situation, especially when they are allowing their partner to pay less than they were before.

If the tables were the other way round and I'd been irresponsible for many years, I would 100% expect to pay rent to my partner.

is it really irresponsible to not own property ? It’s not a priority for some people for many reasons.

What’s your end game here ? Is she gonna be 73 still paying all the bills and buying the shopping because you bought a house 40 years ago ?.

Your “benefit” for paying your mortgage off should be the fact you don’t have to pay a mortgage, not the fact you can now rinse any partner you get to cover ALL your bills and shopping, sound like two bites of the cherry there while the partner paying for your lifestyle can be booted out at any time with 0 security. 

porkpies

So say you work very hard for many years and have a small flat. You have a mortgage and are happy there alone and it's affordable. You meet someone. He's divorced and has no money due to the divorce. However you earn similar amounts. He moves in with you temporarily. You pay mortgage. He buys food. You carry on working hard and manage to pay off the mortgage. Ten years later he's still there you now pay 5050 bills but you've saved a lot. He has spent his and saved nothing. You now have kids. He has a nice car. Your car is old.  You need a bigger house and when you move there is a large tax bill to pay and extra for a bigger house. He can't afford it so you use your savings to buy the new house and pay the stamp duty. He says it's your house why should he pay. It causes arguments. You still.pay 5050 bills but your savings have gone. His car is now newer than yours and he still.insists you pay 5050 for meals out and holidays. He says he has no savings.
What then...?

lookstraightahead

I've never been in a relationship where we don't just pile all our assets / debts / skeletons / baggage together and see it as 'ours'. My OH took on a lot more than just me when we got together but I was worth it 😊

The_Unready

This thread is a year old!

I'm guessing that the issue is sorted by now (one way or another).

LittleLamb86

I am in a similar situation. I worked very hard for years to buy a large property and shortly after renovating I found a lodger to rent my first floor that would pay the mortgage- whilst i paid back my small loan fr the house renovations. I then met a guy and within 6 months he moved in with me, he also has a little girl and she also began to stay once a week ( in her own room ) but I only ever asked to split the utility bills 50/50 it was a lot to take on. I still have my lodger that gives me the extra income. Nearly 3 years in I still have a lodger renting the first floor and my bf contributes about £228 a month . He sees my lodger income as 'me not paying my mortgage, my lodger does' so I only pay the same as him in the house. he has very cheap living and he also has a fully furnished room for his daughter if she ever needed it permanently . We always drive my car on the wknds and he has a nice life with me, should he be paying or ofering more? Am i being taken advantage of? 

chilswelluk

lookstraightahead said:

I've never been in a relationship where we don't just pile all our assets / debts / skeletons / baggage together and see it as 'ours'.

wow, I would be running a mile from any setup like that. Its so much simpler if you are both financially independent of each other.