Estranged wife

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  • turnitround
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    He was 80% responsible for constantly giving her bad advice and brainwashing her.

    So why did you allow that to happen? Did your wife feel she was unsupported by you? 

    I also find it a bit concerning that you refer to her as a 'lazy cow'.  Obviously there were many issues leading to the split but whatever anger you hold you need to put the child first.

    Giving up your  well paid job wont have helped, could you not have taken sick leave for a while.

  • Android07
    Android07 Posts: 142 Forumite
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    He was 80% responsible for constantly giving her bad advice and brainwashing her.

    So why did you allow that to happen? Did your wife feel she was unsupported by you? 

    I also find it a bit concerning that you refer to her as a 'lazy cow'.  Obviously there were many issues leading to the split but whatever anger you hold you need to put the child first.

    Giving up your  well paid job wont have helped, could you not have taken sick leave for a while.


    I was not aware at the time when this was going on. Later on, my old man started boasting to his mates and my relatives. I connected the dots and that's how I figured out he was hugely responsible.

    I did take sick leave at work for many days and eventually I decided that I am not in the right frame of my mind and I need an extended break.
  • london21
    london21 Posts: 2,096 Forumite
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    Sorry you are going through all this. We only have input from your side.

    You need to think logically and not too emotionally. 

    Do try to get contact with your child as really young and will be important to contribute and have a relationship with your child because when they get older you would not want a situation in which others would have brainwashed your child and said things that will make forming a relationship difficult.

    You mentioned your ex partner was lazy, did they change as soon as they entered the UK? You will both have to put your differences aside and do what is best for your child.

    You mentioned your ex was studying did they have any intention of working? The child is really young at present so she might have chosen to be a full time carer to child at present, but once child starts nursery/school etc might  eventually start some form of employment.

    I have heard people taking advantage and claiming fake DV for citizenship, benefits etc.

    Hopefully things work out for you. 
  • Android07
    Android07 Posts: 142 Forumite
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    elsien said:
    Phone them back and ask them if there are any formal  child protection processes going on, particularly around your contact with your child, although if there were you’d have been informed by now.
    If yes, then ask what the plan is around your contact as the child’s father.
    If no, then you’re back to court ordered contact if your wife won’t co-operate.

    And I still think that anyone desperate to use a child as an excuse for leave to remain and benefits isn’t going to wait 8 years. For a start, it’s really not as simple as have child: get benefits and leave to remain. 

    The answer is No. The case was closed shortly after social services contacted me and there is no social services worker allocated. The lady on the phone also clarified 'safeguarding' to me. This is for the child if there is a conflict between parents and it might affect the child.
    So, not only did my wife make false allegations, she also informed the authorities that my child is at risk., even though we had no fights. :*
  • ryan7
    ryan7 Posts: 162 Forumite
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    DNA test? 
  • sevenhills
    sevenhills Posts: 5,922 Forumite
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    Android07 said:

    1. I have not been able to focus and have been resigned from work in September. I also do not and have never claimed any benefits in my life, so finances are depleting.

    2.3. I know it sounds heartless, but what if this was my wife's plan all along? That I would pay child maintenance and she would live off it for many years. What if I keep waiting for my wife to claim this and also do not go for a child contact order.

    4.My wife has never worked. Lazy cow could never wake up before mid-day. So, she has everything to gain from me financially.
    You haven't really said that you love your wife and you want her to come home. Perhaps you don't express emotion, which is why she has left, rather than your father or a visa.
    You have left your job and you are experiencing emotion, but does your wife see that?
    Do you want her back?
    You are young enough to enjoy your life, try to stay positive and think about what you want for 2022.

  • Android07
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    Android07 said:

    1. I have not been able to focus and have been resigned from work in September. I also do not and have never claimed any benefits in my life, so finances are depleting.

    2.3. I know it sounds heartless, but what if this was my wife's plan all along? That I would pay child maintenance and she would live off it for many years. What if I keep waiting for my wife to claim this and also do not go for a child contact order.

    4.My wife has never worked. Lazy cow could never wake up before mid-day. So, she has everything to gain from me financially.
    You haven't really said that you love your wife and you want her to come home. Perhaps you don't express emotion, which is why she has left, rather than your father or a visa.
    You have left your job and you are experiencing emotion, but does your wife see that?
    Do you want her back?
    You are young enough to enjoy your life, try to stay positive and think about what you want for 2022.


    After what she has done, my love for her has extinguished and I definitely do not want her back.
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,741 Forumite
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    Android07 said:
    He was 80% responsible for constantly giving her bad advice and brainwashing her.

    So why did you allow that to happen? Did your wife feel she was unsupported by you? 

    I also find it a bit concerning that you refer to her as a 'lazy cow'.  Obviously there were many issues leading to the split but whatever anger you hold you need to put the child first.

    Giving up your  well paid job wont have helped, could you not have taken sick leave for a while.


    I was not aware at the time when this was going on. Later on, my old man started boasting to his mates and my relatives. I connected the dots and that's how I figured out he was hugely responsible.

    I did take sick leave at work for many days and eventually I decided that I am not in the right frame of my mind and I need an extended break.
    Don't you think your wife deserves some sympathy for having your Father 'brainwashing' her over a number of years? 

    If my husband had made an appointment with my doctor without telling me, I would have been furious.
    I can see why the GP thought you may be controlling.

    From your other thread you wanted to sell the house your Father was living in without telling him as your Mum's name was on the deeds.
  • CurlySue2017
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    elsien said:

    And I still think that anyone desperate to use a child as an excuse for leave to remain and benefits isn’t going to wait 8 years. For a start, it’s really not as simple as have child: get benefits and leave to remain. 
    I think you may find that it basically is that simple.  The system is geared up that way unfortunately.
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