Prosperous soul embraces creativity & mortgage neutrality

savingholmes

Thanks Orangetoes , Ladywithaplan , Chrystal, Jwil and MF

Anytime you are interested in buying or seeing my other artwork - PM me... The tapes one at the top looks a lot different without the tapes - so I may try and recreate it / do something similar.

Feel like this week has been quite 'life admin' focused. I nipped into work for my flu jab. I treated myself to a meal out at a posh, quiet pub on the way home and just took an hour for myself. It was lovely. 

A wider family member thinks I'm super weird for not having the heating on yet... I pointed out apparently only 5% of population has heating on before around the end of October! This person was convinced it would invalidate my insurance!!

I did another washing load and used the TD for most of it today as I didn't think blankets would dry well on the line. I did hang up a couple of dresses to drip dry and even in my so-called cold house they dried quite quickly.

I now need to make DS's bed and then put the rest of the washing away. I want to make his room more attractive - as DD/Cleaner have put a load of charity bags in there which doesn't look or feel very welcoming. Even if I just move them out for 24 hours it would be nicer for him. He gets here about 11pm today so I'd best not take too long! Need to improve the state of the kitchen too.

Early next week I hope to start a new bank switch... Looks like I can't get the £200 one - but even a £150 would be fab. Just want a direct debit to go out first and to have done the pay day money shuffle. 

Waiting on tenterhooks for my payslip to see what the impact of the new deductions will be on my pay. Should be worth it long term.

savingholmes

Ironically after that DD came down (with no trousers on just a long hoodie and shorts and said she was freezing. Her hands were cold and she does get eczema so compromised and put it on for an hour. I have to submit my gas reading shortly so will soon see how much heating costs... 

My front room is 15 - and isn't shifting yet.

beanielou

Remember you can choose the bank switch date 

My heating is now on in the evening.
My muscles seize up when I am too cold.

Blackcats

I've been thinking about your post about forgiveness/unforgiveness.  

I've always held grudges but I read that Nelson Mandela said that holding a grudge is like taking the poison yourself and hoping it kills your enemy.  That was such a revelation to me.  The person possibly doesn't even know I was still thinking badly of them and it just makes ourselves stressed/upset/angry with no effect whatsoever on the other person.  

So now I try not to hold a grudge but for me that isn't the same as forgiving.  Not sure if that makes sense?  

Hope you enjoy time with your DS.  Fingers crossed the weather is good and you get to go for a lovely walk together.

savingholmes

Thanks Beanie - I had forgotten I could choose a switch date - good point... still procrastinating though.

Thanks Blackcats - I have tried to follow that analogy from Mandela as I've heard it before. I have been able to let go of much of my anger but other residue remains.

TBF - the book I was listening to was talking about lying to ourselves about things that have happened and what we've gone through - and the writer felt for some that and the imperative to honour others even if they don't deserve it - caused some to die young. I think that is unproveable and a gross simplification.

I am open with my wider family on my views of what happened to me and others role in that. In that sense I'm not lying. However, I keep the peace and maintain contact with individuals that some would encourage me to avoid entirely based on previous behaviour. For me avoidance requires even more mental energy. The way I do it limits exposure to their company and therefore their impact... I do find such visits exhausting though - and the writer says - the body never lies - and that this is an indication of lingering trauma. The latter is not a surprise.

What I took from both books - is that I am still trying to fix the symptom - over-eating (and over buying, clutter and disorganisation) - rather than the underlying cause which lies mainly in the past. I'm therefore thinking of pausing SW for a while as I'm not remotely following the plan currently so I'm just wasting my £. The two books and one I listened to recently from Mel R0bb1ns - highlighted how cues in our environment prime us for certain behaviours. 

Today two different people commented on how calm I was. One the random nurse giving the injection... I wanted to run a mile as I'm scared of needles, hate random people touching me and hate small talk. I however go in 'shut down / life support' type mode in those scenarios. I then went and spent on an unplanned meal out. I enjoyed it but £20 down... Then later someone else commented on my calmness when they were telling me we had a massive budget blackhole for an important work activity. During the discussion I ate a chocolate bar and compulsively ate 3 tangerines. He was blind to that... 

One writer called things that trigger unwanted behaviours evocative cues... The problem is that they could be anything and almost everywhere. It would be impossible to remove them from my environment so I need to teach myself to respond to such cues differently. How I don't know... I already use arts and crafts and fidget necklace or a game on my phone at times. I don't know what other things I could try. In the two examples above - I food optimised slightly on my meal by ordering extra veg and in the second example I only ate one choc bar vs 3 pieces of fruit... I've since had a further 2 lots of choc and 1 strip of sweets. I also ate one of the most amazing apples ever from my garden. The taste exploded on my tongue!

Some people suggest that its habits and routines that need to change. I agree but nothing I've tried seems to work longer than a few days.

I'm seriously proud of the changes I've made with £ - however it is like an obsession and consumes too much of my time. I can't seem to apply sustained focus to eating healthier, getting fit etc.

WelshKitty85

Just catching up again and I’m another one who loves your pre tape removal art. Are you actively marketing your artwork anywhere?

beanielou

Enjoy your time with your DS 

savingholmes

On a brighter note - I'm really looking forward to seeing DS later. I've made his bed and made his room look a bit more respectable. DD has dumped loads of stuff in there - and I've tried to put it under his desk but didn't have the energy to remove it. I did however move some things around so his wardrobe shuts.

DS and I will have a lovely memory making day tomorrow hopefully - and I hope the weather is kind... He needs to do some life planning of his own as nothing is going to plan for him either. We will be eating out - hopefully at the Italian cafe I like. He's seeing the dentist first thing but then should be free. There are a couple of attractions near it - and it looks like I can get one of us in free due to disability which sounds positive. I took him (and DD) to both while they were at primary school but not since. 

badmemory

I hope your time with DS goes well

savingholmes

WelshKitty85 said:

Just catching up again and I’m another one who loves your pre tape removal art. Are you actively marketing your artwork anywhere?

Not currently