Prosperous soul embraces creativity & mortgage neutrality

MovingForwards

Congratulations on the mini windfall.
Its great your back with classes, allows more of a social aspect and potentially creates a new circle of friends.
Give the ink pots a little shake, carefully dab where the ink comes out to get it flowing again and hopefully that will do the trick.

savingholmes

mark55man said:

well at least I found you before page 10 that would have been embarrassing.  well done and will follow you here.  Although 10 pages in a week as pretty pacy :-) - I've been going months on my MFW and that's not at 10 pages yet even with your comradely postings

Hi Mark - glad you found me. Wondered if you'd be popping along. You only just made it onto page 9...

They say women need to speak 10,000 words a day - well that's just not happening living mostly alone - with only an occasional 'live' face-to-face meeting or video call. I think there's also so much going on right now - I'd burst if I didn't share it somewhere. 
Weirdly I have not told most of my FB friends about the divorce yet - or even some extended family... Living in a bubble currently aided by c19 - where I'm kind of semi-shielded from both censure and support from others.

I'm finding it peaceful living mostly alone - although DD is home from tomorrow for pretty much a month (at night at least) other than when she's due to go down south for a weekend. DS is also due home for around a week at xmas. I won't really experience that much 'alone' time until January (which I'm looking forward to).

lucielle

Gosh I’m very late to the party. Well done on all your sales and new ventures. I do love up cycled furniture 
L

savingholmes

lucielle said:

Gosh I’m very late to the party. Well done on all your sales and new ventures. I do love up cycled furniture 
L

@lucielle You were off in Skye - busy adventuring! Welcome. I love upcycled furniture too... Will definitely post more once I've cleared enough space to start on that!!

MovingForwards said:

Congratulations on the mini windfall.
Its great your back with classes, allows more of a social aspect and potentially creates a new circle of friends.
Give the ink pots a little shake, carefully dab where the ink comes out to get it flowing again and hopefully that will do the trick.

Thanks MF - I'm not ignoring you. Just used close to all my remaining willpower to just unpack and pack the dishwasher. Not got as far as trying to print yet. While ink was an issue - Ex borrowed some for me - my more pressing concern is whether it will still work now Ex's computer has left... i.e. is it still set up? Still not tried it.

I also need to make the front room look more respectable before DD returns tomorrow. Some stuff that ought to be in the garage needs to make it's way there... The elves are apparently on strike - so it's down to me... Whistles... Starting to wish my cleaner had come today after all... Remembering all the reasons I kept her in the budget as my gaze roams around each room LOL. 

badmemory

How are you finding people's responses to your divorce?  I found them really interesting.  People that I thought would be against it were really nice, I suppose because they were happily married & didn't feel threatened by it.  The one that really bothered me was the person I had spent at least one night a week either at her house or at our's, who actually said my husband has told me not to speak to you.  Even 50 years ago I recognised that as abusive behaviour.  The fact that she could actually say it out loud just showed how under the thumb she was.  Sad really, but I think that still goes on.

savingholmes

badmemory said:

How are you finding people's responses to your divorce?  I found them really interesting.  People that I thought would be against it were really nice, I suppose because they were happily married & didn't feel threatened by it.  The one that really bothered me was the person I had spent at least one night a week either at her house or at our's, who actually said my husband has told me not to speak to you.  Even 50 years ago I recognised that as abusive behaviour.  The fact that she could actually say it out loud just showed how under the thumb she was.  Sad really, but I think that still goes on.

They are definitely interesting. It does sound like your friend was in an abusive relationship.

I have to confess I've not told that many people. Perhaps 20ish people plus family. I come from a church background - so a lot of my FB friends are church related and I therefore assume anti-divorce - so not shared. Not that I am often on FB anyway. I have only told people I expected to be supportive but had some mixed responses - some of which shocked me - and including some that they later apologised for and some that I would like an apology for.

I've resigned myself to losing most of my FB friends - but kind of feel a) it doesn't matter and b) that it's my choice as I've not told them... I may feel more ready after xmas - I just don't want to risk any aggro / negative commentary - as I don't feel strong enough to handle it at the moment. I think the pandemic has underlined that close neighbours or others you see regularly are more important than big lists of people you once knew.

My parents and one sis are being more supportive to my ex than to me. As someone outside the situation said to me - they probably have a God complex and need someone to rescue. His need is more obvious than mine given it was my choice to divorce but still it hurts. I've got closer to some of my family during this period - including some I was a bit estranged from before so there have definitely been pluses and minuses.

I don't make friends easily - but am getting closer to one neighbour, one of my fitness instructors, some of the fitness class and other than that have a couple of other friends I've met with a few times during this period (plus people from work). I'm not currently going to church - besides I would want to swap to a new one anyway so it was less awkward with Ex. I'm not ready for that either. Some friends go to a different more local to me church which I've considered trying - but am in no rush.

I'm just trying to treat my extremely long to do list as life admin and whittle the list as I go. I am also seeking to be kind to me and practice more self care. Not force myself to meet others expectations etc. Search for things that make my heart sing. Things will settle down and until then I have you guys, my counsellor and other RL friends and family.

lucielle

We've got your back SH!
L

Honeysucklelou2

As you know SH, I come from a faith background too and struggled for quite some time about separation/divorce and faith. I’ve found and read some fascinating and interesting articles written from a faith perspective but a more compassionate perspective than I had  expected to see.

You have achieved so much in the last few months! I must thank you because reading about your furniture purchases and your painting has made me question why I have things arranged as I do and what I could do differently. I love books and for years have kept them hidden away as the ex wasn’t keen on them, but have decided that I will look out for some bookcases so that my favourite authors /gardening books can be more readily accessible. Hope you are continuing to find joy in making your home as you want it.

girlatplay

Goodness, I take a week away from here and come back to what I think is 23 posts on your diary, only to find a new diary at the end of it, with 9 PAGES!  Started reading this one earlier, had to go out, came back and it's now on 10.  Wow!  I have finally caught up.

Congratulations on starting your new life.  This diary sounds different from your old one already and very positive.  I'm looking forward to seeing you thrive.

savingholmes

Honeysucklelou2 said:

As you know SH, I come from a faith background too and struggled for quite some time about separation/divorce and faith. I’ve found and read some fascinating and interesting articles written from a faith perspective but a more compassionate perspective than I had  expected to see.

Thanks HSL. I must admit I haven't even looked. My Ex has had lots of support from the faith community - but it feels like that's partly because they see him somehow as the victim as I divorced him. I'm unsure that it applies the other way round - although I have done nothing to deserve censure - other than calling time on a relationship that was no longer working. TBF he continued being active in church throughout - and some of our older friends are divorced. He works with some divorced people at a faith based organisation. The minister at my church though tried heavily to change my mind - which I resented - and wanted to announce it to people - where I felt it was private - even though I'm posting about it here - and some of you know my real name. As my best friend at work said - 'it's like they think they have a vote.'

Honeysucklelou2 said:

You have achieved so much in the last few months! I must thank you because reading about your furniture purchases and your painting has made me question why I have things arranged as I do and what I could do differently. I love books and for years have kept them hidden away as the ex wasn’t keen on them, but have decided that I will look out for some bookcases so that my favourite authors /gardening books can be more readily accessible. Hope you are continuing to find joy in making your home as you want it.

Thank you for reminding me I am making progress. It feels never ending! I am glad my ramblings are helping. I think once I finish decorating my new office / garden / craft room - it will look great - and the same for my other spaces as I shift things around. FB is so reasonable for furniture prices. I'm kind of hoping to 'swap' some things out for similar costs and upcycle some stuff to keep and some to sell. You can even get free furniture if you're quick, have transport and have someone willing to help at either end of the journey. I look forward to reading about what you change.

I'm loving my changes so far to the front room - a  navy toned grey upcycled 1940s style writing bureau and a (yellow and orange) tiffany floor lamp and yellow/ochre, white and grey striped floor length curtains... Most of what I have left to do in here is to delete things rather than add. Already deleted one big arm chair.

lucielle said:

We've got your back SH!
L

Thanks @lucielle. Both your post and @Honeysucklelou2 's post brought tears to my eyes. As my counsellor said to me a few weeks ago, 'The pandemic is making a lot of people re-evaluate what friendships are RL versus virtual and blurring or deleting that distinction.' I'm rooting for your guys too.

Commiserations to Poppy, Mark and Chicker! Even more pages for you to try and catch up.